In Bolzano Italy, there is a museum that houses the remains and belongings of an ancient man called affectionately by the Italians, “Frozen Fritz.” Seriously, this Ice Man was discovered in 1991 by some hikers in the Austrian/Italian Alps.

The authorities thought that the man was from the last century at first, but further study shocked everyone. He was from the copper age…..3000 years before Christ. The museum displays all of his clothing and tools, well preserved in ice all of this time. They were even able to discern what his last meal was by evaluating the contents of his stomach.

His body is displayed through a tiny window where you can see tiny tattoo marks that correspond with meridians where acupuncture or other healing methods might have been done. It was awe inspiring to see how intricately his clothing and tools were constructed.

As I walked through and imagined what his life must have been like, I couldn’t help but be moved by the brilliance and creativity that his people had, to live comfortably in the extreme conditions present at that time.

I couldn’t help but reflect on the problems and issues facing me in my relationship landscape and how I can get discouraged when I feel stuck or that I have made a mistake. Beating myself up inside with thoughts like “I can’t believe I said that, what an idiot.” “I should know better.” “Why can’t I feel more connected to my man?” “I hate when he withdraws from me.” Blah, Blah, Blah!

My internal landscape can be as frigid and uninhabitable as the Alps were for the Ice Man if I let it. Maybe I can borrow from his resilience and perseverance to warm myself up. I wonder if he took time to whine and complain. Somehow, I think he probably had his discouraging moments as he painstakingly braided plant fibers together so he could make twine to tie his bow together. His fingers were probably aching with cold as he poked the strips of sinew through tiny holes in the animal hide he made into his coat. I wonder if he wanted to quit.

Equipping myself for the inner landscape of relationship disappointments is at least room temperature. At least I have electricity and running water, for pete’s sake! So I have some communication issues from time to time. Yes, I am misunderstood and I still react with hurt feelings more often than I care to admit. But seeing the Ice Man really changed my perspective. 5000 years BEFORE Christ. This was no caveman. How did he figure out what to do?

How can I figure out what to do? It is the same for me as it was for Frozen Fritz, true guidance comes from the depths of our spirit. When deeply challenged, amazing creativity and strength is birthed, every time. You have heard of a man lifting a car off of a wounded child. Wouldn’t it be nice if we learned to tap into that “superhuman” part of us at will.

I believe that we can and the first amazing exploration is in our inner landscape. Do you feel yourself pouting, playing the martyr or withdrawing into silence after a conflict with your man? There you have it, an inner blizzard threatening to freeze you in time. Don’t let that happen! Recognize the familiarity of this frozen landscape and warm it up with some chipping away of old thought patterns.

Saying something like this will help you navigate to higher ground:

Even though he never understands me, I understand me and I am learning how to think differently.

Even though he doesn’t listen to me, I choose to find a different way to approach him.

Even though he hurt my feelings, I choose to look inside to see why it hurts and to do something about it.

Even though I don’t feel loved, I choose to see that is just a thought and a thought can be changed.

You can find what you need to navigate your inner relationship landscape, within you lies the creativity to find a solution to what ails you. Keep looking inside for the wisdom that waits for you. The same brilliance that led the Ice Man to solve the problems of living in a very hostile environment is available to you today.

If he made a way for himself, bless his heart, so can you!!

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Audio Blog: How To Make Your Man Listen

Why is it that when I need him the most, my man is not able to relate to what I am trying to explain to him?

Why is it that he gets that glazed over look on his face when I say, “Could we talk about something that is bothering me?”

Even though most of the time I do feel connected to him, if he is distracted or stressed or focused on the baseball game and doesn’t look at me and engage with me…my first reaction is to feel hurt. I actually feel a twinge in my chest as I feel resentful that he won’t pay attention to me.

Yikes, writing that makes me feel like an infant, for pete’s sake! If my man doesn’t want to listen to me at the exact moment I want him too, what exactly does that mean? What a good question that is.

I could spin it negatively and say things to myself like “I hate it when he shuts me out.” “I hate that he watches baseball instead of wanting to talk to me.” “He never listens to me.” (this is a dangerous one, do I mean NEVER?) “Maybe he doesn’t love me anymore.” You can see where this slippery slope is going.

STOP right there!! There is another perspective and with just a little bit of creativity, you can spin his inattentiveness entirely in your favor. See how these thoughts feel: “Even though he is unavailable to me in this moment, I know he loves me.” “Even though it seems as if he is shutting me out, this might have nothing to do with me at all.” “Even though he is not listening to me right now, there will be another chance for me to talk about this.” “Even though I am feeling insecure right now, I am willing to see this situation in a different way.

With a little bit of effort, you can spin his moments of guyness in your favor. He is who he is and sometimes he needs time without you. Recognizing this and choosing not to take it personally will empower you and will actually make it more likely that he will engage with you more often and more intimately.

Let me tell you one of my favorite tips. When I sense that my man is distracted and I have some piece of information I can’t wait to tell him, this is what I say: “I have something I want to run by you and I wonder if you mind if I wait until after the game to talk to you.” He always responds positively. He seems to appreciate my noticing that he is occupied and then he always agrees to chat later. The best part? Choosing to let him have his time knowing I will have my time later makes me feel valued and important to him.

Remember, you have a bit of an edge as a woman. Your strong intuitive sense helps you create a positive spin and with practice you will be amazed at how your man will learn to not only listen to you but to seek you out when he wants to talk, or at least if he wants you to see an exciting instant replay from the game!

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