Wouldn’t it be nice if you could start a relationship with a healthy dose of hindsight leading the way?

Now that I am in my second marriage with a second soul mate, I have often thought how lucky I am to be getting a second chance to do things differently.  In my first marriage, I was so ill equipped.  My negotiating skills were non-existent and I lived in a constant state of anxiety trying to keep peace at any cost.

I mistakenly believed that if I could keep my husband from being mad, that I would live happily ever after. Sounds so weak and wimpy now, I cringe at the thought.  But in my 21 year old wisdom (bless me!) all I wanted to do was to live in a home where there was no fighting.  What resulted?

Two people who never talked about what mattered.  Never talked about our dreams.  Never talked about our challenges.  Never talked.  I signed on for this.  I chose to be this way. The Law of Attraction brought me the exact right partner.  I take full responsibility.  When we divorced it broke my heart.  It was then, after my cushion of time to restore my confidence in myself after we broke up that I thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice if you could marry your second husband first.”

It sure would save a lot of time and complication.

Imagine if you knew the pitfalls to avoid. What if you had the confidence to stand in your own power and create a partnership that could withstand the tests of time?  What if you could beat the odds of the 50% divorce rate and create an ideal relationship?  I believe that is possible.  Not only possible, but probable.

Are you still waiting for that True Love to walk into your life?  Do you wish to enter a marriage with a game plan for lasting devotion?  If you are still reading this post, I know there is a part of you who is ready.  Ready to learn how to be a great second wife the first time around.

Take the time to prepave your next year.  Decide to create a list of deal makers and deal breakers.  Find a community of people who can support and believe with you.  The Law of Attraction will faithfully serve you as you come into alignment with your authentic self.

It doesn’t rain very often in San Diego.

Winter is also not quite what I grew up with in the midwest.  That’s what makes rainy morning snuggling so exquisite.  Now I know that the special magic of those first few kisses and the electricity of those first expressions of intimacy are breath taking and intoxicating.

But I am here to tell you, when I scootch over and glue myself to my sleeping husband…the spooner to his spoonee, there is nothing better.

This morning I am extra grateful for my sweet heart and it is not just because he turned over and wrapped his arms around me for a precious 15 minutes before we got up.

Lar and I have been through our share of challenges in our short marriage. Both of us have had some health and personal challenges.  We, like many baby boomers, are readjusting our vision and our dreams due to the new economy.

Yes, the first few weeks of our relationship were filled with stolen kisses and passionate embraces and other x-rated fun. But when all is said and done, once our biology calmed itself and we settled into the delicious rhythm of our daily routine, the gentle unfolding of our relationship has brought deep satisfaction.

Don’t get me wrong, the strolls on the Italian Riviera, beach walks in Hawaii and cocktails on the fantail of a cruise ship are beyond fabulous. I am deeply grateful for our good fortune and travel experiences.  However, the best part of my life with Lar is the day to day companionship.

I love how free I am to be myself. I love how I feel when I am with him.  I love planning our days together.  I love how involved he is in his own interests.  I love when I am home alone and he is out and about.  I love when we are on the couch, fire lit, he with his paper, me writing this post.

I love rainy morning snuggling.

“Honey, can you grab the phone?”

He harrumphed from the other room, “I’m trying to read the paper.”

Hands dripping from the bath water, she wrapped the baby in a towel and ran for the phone.  “Not interested” she said, cutting the sales person off.  The baby started to wail. “Shut that kid up!” came the voice from the livingroom.

“Hush, baby, shhhhh” she crooned, a tear making it’s way down her cheek.  She felt the familiar tightness squeeze it’s way into her throat.

How had it come to this?  Why was he so distant and cold?  She hugged the child to her chest, a little too tightly.  “You are all I have,” she whispered, burying her face in the sweet smell of the infant’s skin.

Where does love go?  How does the sweetness disappear? continue

He walked into the house, head hanging in dejection.  “What’s up, hon?” she asked.  “I don’t know,” he said, “I am just not feeling like myself these days.” She knew he was facing challenges in his career and the stress was starting to show itself at home.  He was short with her and with the kids and there was a dark cloud that seemed to follow him wherever he went.  What is a soul mate to do?

So much had changed since the early days in their relationship.  She would give anything to see the spark back in his eye, the irresistible grin back on his face and the spring in his step.  After all, ever since she started reading Abraham Hicks, Napoleon Hill and Jack Canfield, her life had been getting more interesting by the moment. Learning that what a person focuses on expands had changed her life and she wanted that for him intensely.

“Why does he reject all of these ideas?” she wrote in her journal.  “I KNOW FOR SURE that this information will help him.  I am SO frustrated.  It seems the more I tell him about what he could do if he only set his mind to it, the more withdrawn he is getting.” continue

“My partner’s bad mood is NOT in my mind!  He is grouchy and mean spirited sometimes and I am SURE I am not attracting that behavior.  I am not grouchy and mean spirited.  How can the Law of Attraction be working when he is so melancholy all of the time and I am not?”

What a great question.  Being in the same environment with another person on a day in and day out basis means we have to adjust to what is going on around us all the time.  When our housemate is not faring well emotionally, some of us go into hyper rescue mode.  We want to remove the bad mood from OUR surroundings so we start trying to help by saying and doing things we think are encouraging.

Have you ever noticed how that always seems to make things worse? The suffering person does not want to be cheered up and the result is sheer frustration.  Is it our responsibility to cheer up the wallowing one?  More importantly, is there something in us that actually attracts more of the depression we are seeing in our partner?

I don’t claim to understand all of this.  Sharing a home with a soul mate ,can often be blissful and fulfilling and I am grateful for those moments, but what do we do when one of the pair is decidedly out of sorts?  Here are five tips for coping with your overwhelmed and discouraged house mate without losing your emotional well-being:

1.  Acknowledge that his angst is his angst. Tell yourself the facts as you see them.  Your boyfriend is going through a challenge.  He can’t see the way out.  He is not a reader and doesn’t seek help in books. (I know, hard to believe but true.)  He is picking at you and that is not cool.  These are all good observations and will help you make a plan. It is hard to see him with loving eyes if he is having a pity party, especially if he really wants you in there with him.

2. Check in with yourself and notice what you are feeling. Once again, tell yourself what you are noticing.  “I don’t like when he is like this.  I feel disconnected and out of the loop.  I feel alone and sad.  I can’t cheer him up and he gets annoyed when I try.  I feel yucky.” Be as honest and descriptive as you can about your own feelings

3. Ask yourself how you WANT to feel. “I want to feel separate from his problems.  I want to feel happy and perky.  I want to feel light-hearted.  I want to feel hopeful and full of expectation.  I want to feel encouraged and vibrant.”  Just writing down how you want to feel is super empowering.  How many of us skip this critical step and then wonder how the whole day goes by with little productivity.

4. Choose your point of focus for YOUR mood of the day. Yes, your partner is struggling and it is excruciating at times to see the emotional turmoil he is going through.  Believe it or not, the best thing you can do is to lift your own spirits.  Once you write down how you want to feel, you will give your Inner Being the marching orders it loves to fulfill.  Your focus on YOUR well-being will change the dynamic in your home….subtley at first but with persistance, the entire mood of your home will shift.

5. Shine your light in his direction. Use your imagination to shower your man with love and light as often as you can.  Being an invisible benefactor and fueling him with your highest intentions for his well being is a precious gift.  He lets himself be known by you more deeply than any one else and your respect for his transparency will yield results.  Sometimes your brightest light toward him will come when you are not with him. Go out and have some fun yourself. Go somewhere he isn’t into and focus on you and your well-being. When you come home, you will be refreshed and energized.

I know it feels unfair at times to just let the grouchy energy be with itself.  After all, it is your home too, why do you have to put up with it? See, I can hear you all the way over here.  The key is to realize that your reading of another person’s mood is a good thing.  It reminds you of how you DON’T want to feel!  Don’t try to fix him, make a choice to do something that uplifts YOU.  When you get in the habit of responding in this way, you show by example how simple choices can radically change perspective on an issue.  And as always, we teach more by our behavior than we do with our words.

I love when the snow finally starts to melt and beautiful greens of every hue begin to shine in the sun, the air warms up, parkas give over to sweaters and everyone is friendly….even the crabby ones! Maybe that is why LOVE and ROMANCE feel so very good in the Spring.

Not only do your senses have a huge influx of long absent sights and smells, which always improves your disposition, you attract more positive people into your life and your connection to others  intensifies. When I see Michelle and Barack holding hands and publicly declaring their bond, I don’t know about you but I WANT SOME OF THAT!

My husband and I are a great couple. I love and respect him more every day. However. Did you hear a ‘however’ coming? Well, here it is and it is a big one. However, when I choose TO HAVE A DEEPER AND MORE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM, there is one little problem.  Me.

I have to open MY heart and allow MYSELF to go one more step toward intimacy. I have to adjust myself to LET MORE LOVE IN.

Yikes.

Wouldn’t it be nice if he could just read my mind! What if he could magically know exactly what I want and need from him and I never had to ask for anything! Ha! I have been practicing the “If He Loved Me, He Would Know How I Feel” belief for years, now that I look at it, I have been practicing that belief with everybody and I never knew it.

I WANT what Michelle has. I want to hold myself securely in ALL THAT I AM, cute little warts and all, and command the respect and devotion of not only my hubby, but of all  the people in my life. Imagine how YOUR life would change if you had the magnetism to motivate your man to risk the heartless press corps and hyper-critical public opinion and take YOU to the theatre. I don’t know about you but that is mighty impressive.

I want that. I WANT TO DRAMATICALLY INTENSIFY MY PERSONAL MAGNETISM TO MY HUSBAND.  I want to be IRRESISTABLE to him and attract his most loving and affectionate self!  In order to get there, I have to use parts of myself that are very underdeveloped.  Just like committing  to the gym, I am going to stretch, strengthen and build my inner resources so that I can fully express myself with ease and grace and STRENGTHEN THE POWERFUL ATTRACTION THAT BROUGHT US TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE.

While I am in training, I know I may stumble a bit, step on some toes and mismanage an encounter or two awkwardly, but I am choosing to let myself be a beginner in all of this and move forward no matter what happens.  I have a picture of Michelle and Barack on my bathroom mirror.  I look at how HE looks at her and I steel my resolve and commitment to stir up MY soul mate magnetism and get me some of that!!!

Thanks Michelle!

Want to work with me while I work out?  Join the http://SoulMateMastermind.com and get the Michelle Effect for yourself!

“In other words, do you know how many men would flock to you…?

…if they knew that you would allow them to be as they are and you would not hold them responsible for your happiness.” Abraham Hicks

Since I began reading the Abraham Hicks books several years ago, I have seen the Law Of Attraction in action many times. Like most, I started with parking spots and green lights, heck it was easy to visualize those things and I had my husband believing in the “Parking Angel” too!

It has been fun for me to watch my life change as I took responsibility for what I was thinking and feeling. I have had a remarkable experience creating a new life by moving to a new community and a new career through attracting people, events and circumstances in the most surprising and delightful way.

But by far the most exciting thing the Law Of Attraction is bringing to me everyday is love, love and more love! I am 58 and it has taken many years and lots of coaching and yes, even a bit of therapy for me to finally realize that the key to a man’s heart is my NOT needing him to make me happy.

Changing my mind about letting a man have responsibility for my happiness has been a long slow process…think of the Queen Mary doing a U turn. But ladies, it has been the best thing that has ever happened to me! The more I find out about what makes me happy and the more time I spend thinking about those things and how happy they make me feel, the more love I am finding…everywhere!

Every now and then, Abraham says something that I don’t immediately understand. They win me over eventually with their humor and consistency. Feeling loved and appreciated is the biggest prize of all and I couldn’t be more grateful for the simplicity of the message.

What you think about expands. That is pretty simple, isn’t it? Which of these thoughts feel better to you?

“I will never meet anyone. I don’t want to go to bars anymore to meet people. I hate blind dates. I should have married the third guy ago. Why did I break up with him anyway. I hate eating alone. I don’t have anyone to go to the jazz concert with. I know I will be happy, once I meet my soul mate. I will never be happy single.”

OR

“I love knowing that I am getting better and better everyday. I know I am not an expert yet, but I want to feel happy and I want to notice love wherever I can. I may not know where he is coming from. but I know he is on his way. I wonder how we will meet? I love knowing that when we meet it will feel amazing. I also know that feeling amazing is an inside job and I am learning every day to find joy that fills my chest with warmth. I love love and I want to experience more and more of it all the time.”

Which paragraph feels better to you? Try to feel how constricting the first one feels and how expansive the second one is. It is possible to begin to turn your own ocean liner around, no matter how much emotional debris you are lugging around with you!

The Law of Attraction is amazing. Simple and remarkably consistent, it can not bring what does not resonate. Missing love in your life? The smartest thing you can do is face that and make a decision to change how YOU think and feel about love and not hope that men will adjust to you!

When a man senses that you are the kind of woman who knows SHE is in charge of her own moods, emotions and ultimate happiness….he will be fascinated and drawn into your orbit. Every time. It is law.

You Hold His Heart In Your Hands

Things are tough these days. It doesn’t take a masters in economics to know that there is a dark

shadow hanging over the men in our lives.

With women taking more and more of a role in the money making and financial contributions at home, men are struggling to know what we expect from them. There is a primal urge in men to be the protectors and defenders and the stark reality of our national money problems is really shaking things up.

What is a Soul Mate to do? Learning to MANIFY your man is critical to making him feel cherished, admired and respected. When he feels appreciated this way, affection is more natural. You are the one reading this article and it is you who can start a change in the atmosphere in your home.

Here are Five Keys To Connecting To Your Man. Your acceptance of him, especially when he is so uncertain about his role will reap huge rewards for you!

1. Check Your Thoughts At The Door. Thinking about how he is letting you and the family down is not helping anything. Do a thought audit. Any thoughts that hold an opinion about what he is NOT doing need to be redirected. The easiest way to do this is to put “Even though” at the beginning of the thought and “I choose to love him anyway” at the end. For example:

“He won’t ask for more hours and I hate that because if he did, we would have more money.” Changes to: “Even though I hate it when he won’t ask for more hours, I choose to love him anyway.”

2. Praise Him For What He Is Doing. Ladies, we must be creative. Your man wants to hear how proud you are of him. There are opportunities every day to let him know you appreciate what he is trying to do, ESPECIALLY when you are aware of what he is not doing. Even if it is something like, “Honey, I love how responsible you are about getting to work on time every day.” or even “I am so impressed with how hard you work for us.” He LOVES your sincere praise.

3. Ask How You Can Support Him. He may say there is nothing you can do, and that is ok. He has his share of worries. Kindly asking “Is there anything I can do to support you right now?” may help him by opening his mind to asking you for help at a later time.

4. Make Him His Favorite Meal. This is such a simple but profound way to show your man how important he is to you. The way to a man’s heart IS his stomach and a warm meal prepared with love will always make him feel cherished.

5. Invite Him To Have Sex With You. This may be a challenge for you, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed yourself. Sex is comforting to a man and MANIFIES him like nothing else. Once you are determined to make your man feel cherished and you follow the other steps to connect with him, you will find it much easier to open yourself to a loving encounter.

When you are committed to being a Soul Mate to your man, he will get it. He may not understand what you are doing but he will feel the change in your attitude and you will be amazed at the changes you will see in him!

I don’t know about you, but I am tired of hearing how bad things are on the news. Everywhere you turn there is some one parceling out another dose of doomsday thinking about the economy. Sheesh….it is hard for a romantic to keep her pink bubble in flight!

When I saw the book “Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men And Women Cope Differently with Stress” by John Gray, I snatched it up immediately. After leafing through and reading a couple of pages, I felt a wave of compassion hit me, went to find my husband and gave him a big hug, bless him!
Not one of us is easy when under stress, not even sunshiney me.

Here is a passage from the introduction:

“The more aware we are of our natural differences, the more tolerant we become when and if those differences show up. Instead of thinking, What’s wrong with my partner? you are able to ponder what is wrong with the way you are approaching her. Instead of concluding that your partner is purposely being inconsiderate, you can at least feel some comfort knowing that he is oblivious or clueless. Accepting our differences can immediately lighten up our relationships.”

This is what I know for sure: I want romance and love in my life and I am not going to let the economic melt down stop me. I love the concepts in this book. I am eager to learn how stress impacts men because I think it will help me understand my husband and be more patient with him.

I also need to handle my own stress with love and self compassion. Uncertainty is tough for me and my career is challenging me to stay balanced and preserve time for relaxation, playtime and romance. I have workaholic tendencies and love what I do and my old ways of “work a little harder and a little longer” are adding to my stress level. I know I have a lot to learn too.

What about you? Stress interfering with YOUR romantic life? Did you say. “What romantic life?” I get it! Here we are in a place where a warm hug and snuggling in front of the fire would be exactly what the doctor ordered and yet we are so stressed out, we look at each other like the enemy!!

Here is an invitation for you! Head over to your area bookstore and buy this book. I am going to be reading and commenting on it and would LOVE your company. Let’s be patient with one another and see if we can mine some relationship gold in the dark times we face!

Where there is a will, there is a way and I say MORE LOVE is what to focus on!! You two have made it through a lot of hairy stuff over the years, let’s move into a new level of togetherness in spite of our differences!!

Can you relate? How is stress impacting YOUR relationship?

What?

That can’t happen, can it?

Some of us think, “That will never happen to me.” Many of us are right, especially with it comes to faithfulness. I, for one. can’t imagine myself ever creating an emotional connection to a man other than my husband. I love knowing him and slowly but surely, letting him know me. We are married just over three years and it still feels amazingly new.

It isn’t in me to be unfaithful, I am sure.

But.

I also never considered that my career, my passion yes, you could say it is my life work, would start to be more of my focus than my husband. Me. So busy in a creative hurricane of thought and activity that I hadn’t noticed the connection between us was wearing thin. I was having so much fun with my business and with the tweeple and other online connections that I didn’t see what was happening.

He missed me and, bless him, my husband didn’t know how to approach me. He told me later that he didn’t want to hurt my feelings so he was holding back and not telling me what was going on with him.

Things were getting strained between us yet finally we were able to break through. We had words one night and both of us spoke our minds. Things were intense but we handled ourselves pretty gracefully all and all.

He left me with some things to think about. I love my work. I love helping women connect the dots and see hope in their relationships.  I love social media, Twitter and Facebook,  and the relationships I am finding across the world.

Plainly said, I love him more. I want to delegate more and let go of details I don’t need to be handling. You know why? Because I can’t delegate being a soul mate and I miss him. I want to spend more time with him. I want to be a soul mate.

I have reapportioned my time and my commitments. I am planning career goals with my husband and including him is bringing a new level of trust for me. I am working less and painting more. I am moving slower and spending more time outside.

My husband has been extra thoughtful as I have been gearing down. Plus I am thrilled to feel a new connection between us. It is that, more than a re-connection, it feels like a new connection. I just appreciate him more. I am moved by his commitment to be with me.

When I deliberately choose to think about those two things, my heart warms toward him. Abraham Hicks says “Think about what you DO like about a person and that is what you will see in the person.” It is nice to have time to think about my husband and have such warm feelings again.

So did I cheat?

What do you think?