It’s ok to ask for help

On June 20 my mom got a pancreatic cancer diagnosis. At noon on July 30, she died, in decidedly Scarlett style.

My mom was a Scarlett through and through and it wasn’t til her last breath that she let me know what I had always wondered. Did she regret her choice nearly 30 years ago to withdraw from my life? My mom was a troubled woman. Hear tell from those who knew her best, deeply troubled.

Arielle Ford wrote today, “In this moment there is nothing for me to do. There is only something for me to be and something for me to remember….to know that right now, I have everything that I need.” Such a timely reminder.

I can’t remember the last holiday I spent with my mom. I saw her three or four times in the last 10 years.  I couldn’t give you a chronology of her last 25 years.  I was completely out of her world.

Sadly, it was much the same for many of my seven younger siblings.  Yet at the end, all of her children got to say their good byes and  I had 12 exquisitely and excruciatingly intense days to usher her to the other side.  My brothers John and Charlie were at my side representing all of us at that 12th hour on the 12th day…so Joan.

Once upon a time, she and I were soulfully connected. In order to grow up, I began saying no to her when I was 31. A great round of cognitive therapy helped me do what I needed to be mom to my own kids and be responsible for my own life. My role with my mom had to change and she never got over it til the 12 hour on the 12th day.

For some reason, the bond between Joan and I was broken at that time. Is it a coincidence that her mom died when she was only 31, the same age that she withdrew from my life?  How priceless that I received hospice training several years ago and had the right tools to bring out what needed to be unearthed.

The amazing thing is, she did let me know she regretted breaking our bond. My biggest sadness is that by time she was really genuine with me, for maybe the first time ever, there was no time left.

The night I got home from San Francisco area where we had hospiced her (Huge hugs of gratitude to the Pathways Hospice in Palo Alto!) it was a beautiful full moon.

I had the first of what I know will be many ceremonies and rituals of healing at the stroke of midnight. This flaming Scarlett mom of mine would have loved it.

I will be sending out a message about this month’s New Moon in Leo Ceremony. It will be at 9 am pst on August 17. I hope you will mark your calendar for this most auspicious ritual.

Oh, as far as asking for help. I am getting a lot of insight about myself and am happy that the fabulous Hospice system has support for me that is affordable and accessible….for a full year after her death.

What I want more than anything is to create the environment I want around me without a struggle. The people closest to me want me to perk back up and be my regular self, or that’s what it feels like. Bless them, I know they are trying to help. I am where I am and that’s ok. Thanks Abraham.

Like I said, I am super grateful for Hospice. Today when the lovely young man took my intake information, it felt really, really good to have him simply take my name and address.

Thanks to all of you faithful, faithful readers who have followed my writing over the years. I deeply appreciate your love and light as I float through this experience in my own time and in my own way.

Oh, in honor of my mom (you can read more about the last 12 days right here, she would LOVE if you would stop by…http://joanscaringbridge.com) if you are a Scarlett or a Rapunzel, please be brutally honest and tell the person you are angry with the truth.

If you are a Snow White, find a way to speak directly to the person you resent. Admit that you have part blame and ask for a reconnection.

I started to ask my mom for what I wanted in 2007, the same year I went through rectal cancer. It took almost 5 years of persistent, clear and concise requests before she could hear me but it sure was worth it. At the end, when her arms couldn’t hug me anymore, she found the strength to squeeze my hand and I knew and felt her sorrow and remorse.

My mom was troubled. We will never understand her true motivations. Her last two conversations with me were unintelligible. Only two words fell into my soul. “Forgive me.”

It took three tries before this so tragically misunderstood Scarlett left her body. Dying as dramatically as she lived, doggone it I am glad I was with her the last 12 days.

Thanks for being on team Behan and cheering me on as I rebound from this rather shocking last three weeks. I will be back to writing my regular stuff real soon….

Love you, seriously, I really do….

Off to receive a little magic,

Catherine

Goose bumps are riding up and down my spine. My chest is buzzing with throbbing contractions that feel for all the world orgasmic. On my TiVo is James Durbin wailing on Uprising by Muse. I feel it in my body. Let me say that again. I feel that physical exhiliriation as if I were there. As if I were HIM.

Why is that such a big deal?

I am 58 and until four years ago, in the midst of cancer recovery, I discovered an entire family of physical feelings I never knew I had. During the David Cook season, I connected to the electricity of Idol. I thrilled with their courage. Young and poised beyond their years or my understanding, these performers moved me.

When the judges praised and acknowledged them for their gifts, their growth and their willingness to take the coaching and keep on trying, I cried over and over again. Never being much of a cryer, I couldn’t help the floods of tears that came over me while watching these kids receive validation for not only their talent, but their hard work honing it.

“Yo…Dawg.” Randy Jackson would start with week after week in his enthused cheerleading. I loved it! This season, Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez are even more inspiring as they honestly critique the contestants.  There is no doubt about the love the judges have for these kids.

I kept the 2008 home town episode for a full two years. When David Archeletta, David Cook and Ayisha went to their home towns and were loved by their whole communities I felt that electric pulse as if I were there. I believe that learning how to have that feeling literally saved my life.

Even now, tears come to my eyes and my whole upper body swells when I remember that episode when the contestants are overcome by all the love being extended to them.

I cried and cried and allowed the feeling to engage me, enchant me and captivate me. The physical experience in my chest began to come more regularly, so to speak. There is a pulse to it. It is very strong and moves me to tears. Because I watched that episode over and over I have trained my brain to respond. It takes just moments, not really, it takes a nano second to ‘move’ my emotions thinking of David Cook, head bowed, shoulders shaking as he stood in front of his fans.

Now, James Durbin inspires the same feeling and I love it. James, a young man challenged with Tourette’s and Asperger’s syndromes, a dad and husband and all of 21 years old thrills me to my toes in an electric experience that feels like being plugged in to a 1000 watt line.

Today I don’t take this feeling for granted. I have a good friend, a fellow Snow White in my Single Girl Profiling System, who has been in my orbit for three years. Both of us guarded, we flow in and out of connection with one another. In a recent phone conversation, I asked if she felt goose bumps when I used a particular phrase to describe an idea.

She surprised me by saying no.

It made me ultra aware of how far I have come. I never understood what magnetism is supposed to feel like in my body. No one could teach me this and believe me, I searched everywhere for the answer.

And even though getting sick wouldn’t have been my first choice, it did give me laser focus on one desire…..to live. You see I was not an American Idol fan before 2007.  I was mesmerized that year and tuned in to that great feeling whenever I could. Now I won’t miss it. I am in training. I want my body to feel that way as often as possible. Being in tune with whatever that is electric and makes everything seem possible.

All the work I have done in my mind and spirit has paid off and I am experiencing much success, but it is learning to plug my body into the loop that is changing everything. I am finding a new version of myself as I step out of mind habits of pain.

When you learn to produce that feeling of vicarious celebration for yourself, in your body whenever you feel like it, you will be irresistible.  Nothing is sexier than a seriously happy woman. 

Tune in to American Idol. I dare you to be uninspired. I dare you.

Speaking of which, I am going to rewind and watch James again right now!

Curious about Your Love Sabotage Style?  Check it out here:  http://EndLoveSabotage.com

Have you had girlfriends who needed you more than you needed them?

Do you have friends that talk and talk and talk and never ask how you are doing?

Has a woman betrayed your trust?

I am in the middle of a girl friend break up right now.

It is not the first time either. And I am such a nice girl, all sugary Snow White sweet and all.  Over my life time, my Scarlett girl friends have come and gone.  My inner circle has revolving doors and I have had a series of pretty serious heart breaks along the way. I do meet my share of damsels in distress who need a lot of time and attention.  When I stop listening to their drama, they take off.

Sometimes it is natural, a friend might move away. That is what happened with Toni.  Beautiful, kind and gentle Toni.  She was a Snow White like me and we had a natural affinity for one another. During our early 30s we even went to prisons and visited with incarcerated women as part of a religious outreach.  We had experienced many of the same kinds of things growing up and we loved to spend time together.  She was a really close friend.

One day she answered her door with tears in her eyes. Her husband, a corporate ladder climber, had accepted a new position.  Neither of us said anything.  Neither of us could say anything.  My throat literally squeezes shut during moments like this.

When the day came that she left, she didn’t even say good by. That broke my heart.  Years later I found out that she just couldn’t do it.  We sappy Snow Whites get so overly emotional about things we just can’t spit out what needs to be said. If  we do, fumbling and bumbling and awkward exchanges might happen, in fact probably will happen.  Then we hurt other peoples feelings and that is like finger nails down the chalk board for Snow White….intolerable.

That is why it is so uncomfortable to say what I am mistakenly feel is “mean” no matter how much I need to speak up and say stop. Things like stop treating me like this.  Stop expecting something of me and then not telling me what it is.  Stop coming to me only when you need me.  Stop ignoring me when you are upset.  Stop pulling away from me.  Stop avoiding me when I need you.

Where does this discomfort come from?

Another woman in my life who has pulled the plug on friendship. I have had this happen before and I know there are a string of platitudes about season, reason and forever.

That is not what this is about. I understand that sort of thing. But, now this current woman is pulling away abruptly, at a time when I could have really used her support and I am hurt. Once again, hurt feelings have interrupted a friendship.

Only this time, I am stretching my Snow White wings and doing something different.  I decided to say something to her instead of just getting dumped.  So here goes:

Things I Want To Say To My Ex Friend:  Surviving a BFF Breakup

1.  It hurts to lose you. My feelings are hurt.  You were so sudden about it and I don’t even know what I did.  Every time I think about you, my heart hurts.

2.  I know it will be hard for me to trust a new friend again for awhile. I kind of hate that but that is just how I am.  I don’t regret knowing you or having you in my inner circle for awhile.  It hurts to let you go but it is worth having known you even though it was for a short time.

3.  I see now that when you dumped me it reminds me of another time in my past when a friend moved away and never said goodbye to me. I didn’t realize I was still hurt about that.  I’m not mad or upset.  I know life is life and that my inner circle is a fluid place.  There are still parts of a break up that really suck and hurt feelings are a normal part of life.

4.  I wish I would have known when I was younger about hurt feelings. I wish I would have known that they are normal and that they come and go with all relationships.  I wish I knew that focusing on the physical part of the hurt feelings is a much much easier way to feel better.  I wish I would have known that hurt feelings are natural and normal and can be over in the twinkling of an eye if you know what to do.

5.  I am 100% ok with you floating away into the orbits of other fantastic people. My inner circle is small.  I have some long time soul mates and always room for a treasured few that come along life’s path.  I can let you go with an open heart.  I only wish breakups could be handled a bit more delicately.  I wish you abundant good fortune and the personal connections that take you everywhere you want to go.

Do you have a girlfriend break up story to add to the mix?

xoxo

Have you been betrayed by a woman? Just like boyfriend breakups, being dumped by a friend triggers your brain to release a paralyzing combination of neuro-chemicals that literally hijack your mind and send you into Dismal Land.

Would you like to hear what a real Neuroscientist has to say about finding lasting love once and for all?  Dr. Berit Brogaard is my special guest on this special Ask Catherine recording.

Dr. Brogaard, Associate Professor of Psychology and Philosophy, University of Missouri-St.Louis, had her share of life betrayals before she became passionate about the chemistry in it all. What causes people to behave so badly toward one another when a relationship was ending?  Why do normally rationale, intelligent and sensitive human beings become so monstrous when the chips were down?

Discovering the chemistry of break-ups and the lengths women go to in order to avoid that feeling has changed her view of relationship challenges completely.

Dr. Brogaard is doing the most exciting research out there when it comes to why lonely people cannot find love. You can learn to get over heartbreak by using your natural brain chemistry.  Register for your free recording right here:

I really hate to admit this but, I resent Scarlett.

There.  I said it.  Maybe that is why the Scarletts in my life dodge me.  Maybe they can feel it.  It really isn’t fair, I mean, Scarlett can’t help how direct, short tempered and passionate she is.  No more than Snow White can help how patient, accommodating and sweet she is.  How do these love sabotage patterns hold us back from happiness?

Why is it that our very natures bug each other and cause all kinds of relationship drama?

It all starts years ago where all Saboteurs are born, during the teen age years.  Young women are thrust into the crazy social whirlwind of junior high when they are painfully ill equipped to deal with each other.  Raging insecurity rules the day and even the girls who LOOK like they have it going on, struggle with low self esteem.

The time between 13 and 23 is bone chillingly painful for most women. Girls are mean to each other.  I remember watching my daughter go through some terrible times during those years.  Seeing her struggle pulled the strings of my own ancient history.

Ironically, many of us start ACTING like the girls that we think are more acceptable  than we are and that ‘false’ self is at the heart of today’s Love Sabotage habits.  There is nothing harder than projecting a persona that is not your real self.  So why do I resent Scarlett?

I was so jealous of the beautiful, confident and dramatic Scarletts that were popular in my high school. I was way outside the in crowd and felt invisible. I think that is why I became a chameleon.  I was desperate to be accepted.   Now I know how very much we all have in common and I am determined to be my real self no matter what.

I also realize that it isn’t Scarlett that I resent. Scarlett is just a shadowy figure that some girls put on to protect their tender hearts.  I realize that each of us only want one thing….to be loved and accepted.

Here are 5 lessons, words to the wise, from Scarlett herself:

1.  I am not mean! You just let people get away with murder!  You are so nice to everyone even the ones who are mean to you and treat you like dirt.  Don’t be afraid of hurting people’s feelings.  If something is not right, speak up.  You are the one who teaches other people how to treat you. (Thanks Dr. Phil) I only look mean because you don’t understand me.

2. Don’t be upset if some people don’t like you. I don’t waste one red hot second worried that some people don’t like me.  I know who my friends are and I don’t care that some people don’t get me. You try so hard to get everyone to like you and that seems fake to me.  I may not like it all the time, but I respect people being real with me.  No one can be that sweet all the time.

3. Don’t try to be like me. Be yourself.  Secretly I envy how easy going you are.  I know I am sharp and abrupt sometimes but that is only when I am fried. Once I set a goal I go full throttle after what I want.  I don’t mean to bowl people over, it is just my passion and determination to move forward that drives me.   Speak your mind to me and don’t fudge.  I appreciate that more than you know! (see #5 below)

4. I am softer inside than you would ever guess. I have been misunderstood my whole life.  It hurts my feelings when women gang up against me and think I am mean.  It is really hard for me to be seen as weak and wishy washy.  I am not good at asking for what I need and sometimes I cut off friends before they cut me out.  I  get hurt way easier than anyone knows.  Try to see my side of things and don’t try to change me.

5. I more insecure than you know, I just don’t show it. If I hurt your feelings, here is what to do.  I get really lonely and I want to feel connected.  If you say this to me, I have a better chance of hearing your heart.  “I know you care for me and you would never intentionally hurt me, but when you__________________________________, I felt disconnected from you and I value our friendship.”  Even though I have a take no prisoners attitude about most things, I do treasure my close friends and they know the real me.

Bottom line?

The most successful relationships happen when people are REAL. I know that is no surprise, but walking it out can be tricky.  I LOVE Scarlett!!  I need her sass and spark.  I used to resent her because I didn’t understand why I didn’t fit into her crowd.  Knowing how insecure she is some times helps me understand her and I can stop trying to change her to fit my expectations.

Are you ready for real change?

Are you tired of your Saboteur keeping love at a distance?

Have you been searching for an easy way to melt your self sabotage?

You are in the right place!

Welcome to EFT Cupid: Tap Into Love

Do you wish you could learn how to use EFT to attract your Soul Mate? I hear you and every other week I lead EFT practice sessions for my members.

You will work with me personally to turbo charge your own EFT results. There is something amazing about doing EFT in a group.

The unified intention of the callers to Find Real Love is magical. I am opening this new program so that I can work with all of the Rapunzels, Snow Whites and Scarletts out there who are ready for LOVE!

The EFT Cupid program is included in my private membership site and you can try it for only $9.97 for a month to see if you like it.

Just click right here for all of the info:  http://EFTCupid.com

Loving you and your Saboteur!  Come Tap yourself into True Love!

Who me?  Self Sabotage?

Still single?  Yes….self sabotage. Can you accept that a part of you is terrified of being disappointed….again.

Somehow, your Saboteur has gotten the idea that you are safest living alone. She is convinced that you would rather be alone than happy.  Ouch.  Doubtful?  How do YOU explain how you have manifested singleness over all these years….and done it so completely?

The True Love Saboteurs each have a sabotage style unique to their personalities. Whether you are a Rapunzel, Snow White or Scarlett O’Hara, you will change your luck in love once you know your own sabotage style.  There is really good news here.  Your Saboteur is the most powerful manifester you are likely to meet. Think about it, you have manifested singleness in spite of all your efforts to be find your True Love.

Once you seduce your Saboteur and get her to work on your side, what might be possible for you?

Ladies, it is my pleasure to introduce you to True Love Saboteur Snow White:

continue

I am a life long Marie Osmond fan. I tuned into Oprah today and was moved with the audience as Marie candidly discussed the suicide of her 18 year old son last winter. The pain, still at the surface, was difficult for her to control. She bravely carried on as she wanted to inspire and encourage others with her story.

It touched me when she apologized, more than once, for her very natural display of emotion. When she sang the Agnus Dei to memorialize Michael at the end of the show, she needed to stop and start again. Once again, she apologized. Not a person in the audience expected or needed that apology. We all just loved her and wanted to support her. Once again, I committed to releasing myself from my manic need to say “I’m sorry.”

Marie was asked point blank about the abuse allegations in the press regarding her ex-husband. She handled the question with dignity. The fact that her children would not have attended Michael’s funeral if the ex was going to be there speaks for itself. The ex didn’t attend.

Marie, the Snow White trooper that she is, was back on stage within days of her sons death. As she said it, her comfort zone is the stage. After performing for 48 years, it is her place of love. It is her passion. And it is healing.

If you saw that program, didn’t you just want to rush the stage and hug this fragile, beautiful woman? Similar to other Snow Whites, she has poured out her life focusing on others. Her eight, count them, eight children, her audiences, her brothers, her mom and dad (she prepared their bodies for burial as well as her son’s), the press, QVC, etc. etc. etc. If you look up sweet in the dictionary….her pic would be there!

Marie says she is in menopause so men are on pause. I like that. I see in her the resolve to find peace and healing in her own being. When asked how she linked up with her ex, a man so clearly not good for her, she said she was exhausted at the time she chose him. Good lesson there.

Snow Whites are amazingly strong and resilient. They take a licking and keep on ticking. They are the warm nurturers and care so deeply about the welfare of their dear ones that they often lose themselves in the process. It takes a mighty kick in the ass to get Snow White’s to slow down enough to ask themselves what they really, really want.

Can you relate? If you are a Snow White, be kind to yourself today. Look in the mirror and tell yourself just how special you are, because you need to hear your own mouth say it. If you get a chance to see the segment on Oprah…hold Marie in the light.

And Snow White? I think it is time for you to let the dwarves take care of you for awhile!

Curious about your Sabotage Style? Take The Sabotage Assessment right here: http://budurl.com/LoveSabotage

Would you believe one of these four characters holds the key to your Soul Mate Destiny.If you are still single and not happy about it, take the time to skim this info.

You are manifesting a single life…like it or not, that is the truth of the matter. The part of you that is making sure you stay single is your Inner Saboteur.

Ironically, your Saboteur thinks that the risk of New Love is way more painful than being alone. What does that mean? You either undermine every potential relationship before it has a chance to grow or you abandon the relationship before he abandons you.

So why Snow White, Rapunzel, Scarlett and Sleeping Beauty? There are four Saboteur styles and I categorize them with imaginary characters to personalize them a bit.

This is not an evil force living inside you heart breaking your heart at every turn (even though it feels like that a lot of the time.)

No, this is a sensitive and caring part of you who just wants exactly what you want….TO BE LOVED AND FEEL HAPPY. That’s it.

Your Saboteur can be won over and recruited to help you attract True Love. Wouldn’t it be nice if your path to love was easier and more fun?

Once you know your Saboteur style, you can make a Soul Mate Attraction Plan with some real teeth. Each style has it’s own preferences and strengths.

Heck, she has been manifesting your singleness all these years and KNOWS how to get what she wants. Convince her to work with you instead of against you and some real magic will happen.

You have a strong inner concept of life as a single….it is all you have known for years. What if your very self sabotage habits could lead to True Love?

Just click the link at the bottom of this post and you will have instant mp3 download in your hands.

Curious? This recording will teach you about the Four Saboteur Styles, how you can recognize which you might be and how to convince your Saboteur that you really don’t want to be single anymore.

It happened for me and I am sharing the tools I discovered on my way so you can attract True Love once and for all.

Secretly, she never did like those dwarves.

Over the years, she even secretly named them.   Whiney, Negative, Complacent, Unmotivated, Stubborn, Naive and Annoying.  Resentment was a constant battle.  She was such a sweet thing and didn’t get angry very often and she really enjoyed helping them….part of the time.  But, she never felt appreciated at the deepest level.  When they hi-hoed-hi-hoed and off to work they went….she took care of that whole household….with no electric appliances.  The end of the day came and her to do list was never done. The next day all she had was the same routine…..again.

How do you tell if you are a Snow White? Maybe you are a Scarlett O’Hara, Rapunzel or Sleeping Beauty. Everyone has a Self Sabotage Style, I call them True Love Saboteurs and I find four types.  Snow Whites are lovely women.  They are kind, generous to a fault, reliable and faithful as apple pie.   They crave financial security and yet are chronic under-earners.  They strongly believe that their service to others will give them the connection they are hungry for.  Most have no idea what True Love really feels like so their love magnetism is scattered and confusing.

Because The True Love Saboteur’s only task is to make sure your beliefs are supported and stay true, this is a powerful energy source with in you. She is truly a master.  It is tangible proof of the power of focus.  You believe Love is hard and that it is impossible to find a good match….your Saboteur makes sure that happens.

How do I know?  You are still single.  No matter how desperately you want a partner, it is not happening.  Your Saboteur is working overtime, underneath the radar, supporting the belief that trusting a man again will be too devastating to handle. For many Snow Whites, the stomach clenching fear about what will happen if the next man is not the one, is enough to unconsciously opt for singleness.

In fact, most Snow White’s have taken steps to move on from the past and recognize what they have been doing is not working.  Many of them are out of touch, perhaps numb, to the inner turmoil.  Like ashes after a forest fire, there is emotional residue cluttering up the Inner Landscape.  A part of you is terrified that you will not find someone.  Your Saboteur is doing everything it can to make sure you don’t feel how afraid you are.

What’s the solution?  The first step is to check in to see if Snow White’s Saboteur Style fits:

How To Recognize Snow White:

• Doesn’t enjoy social events where there are mostly couples.
• Allows schedule to fill with lots of activity but not much substance.
• Needs to feel validated, almost manic about being right.
• A tender spot for animals.  Some feel their soul mate is their pet.
• Holds a grudge, hard to let go of disappointment.
• Hard to say no.  Feels sucked into things she doesn’t want to do.
• Had a very strong imagination as a young child.
• Her friends see her as sweet and kind though at some level, she doesn’t get that.

The second step is easy.  If you feel you might have a True Love Saboteur underneath your relationship radar, just click the link below and we can set up a complimentary consultation. I can show you if your Saboteur is activated and how much control she has over your love life.

XOXOXOXOXO

Want an instant reading of YOUR magnetism? http://TakeTheSoulMateQuiz.com and see how strong your Love Vibe is right now!

Posted via email from catherine’s posterous

From The E Mail Bag

Andreya writes: “I do want to be with my body/mind/soulmate. I don’t remember being abandoned by girlfriends while I was dating someone nor when I broke up with him. I found my girlfirends most supportive. This was true for boyfriends and when I divorced…..

I have long-term male and female friends, friendships lasting decades. I am visiting a guy friend and his family as well as a single friend for two weeks each on my trip to California….

AND, I am still single and would prefer to be with my body/mind/soulmate. (I want it all.) Do you think I am sabotaging?”

Hi Andreya,

Thanks for your post. I admire your ability to sustain lasting relationships for so many years. It is comforting to have a host of supporters…like the cell phone commercial!

Even though you have wonderful friends, there is no doubt that what you want (to meet men who could be that Soul Mate) is not measuring up to what is happening (you are only meeting men who do not qualify or you are not meeting new and interesting men at all).  Yes…this is self sabotage!

What I do know for sure from my work with highly successful women who can’t find the right guy, is that they are not aware of the image they are projecting to the world.

Most are stunned to realize that they are projecting an “I’m not available” image. Not only that, little do they know that this image or vibe is amazingly efficient at keeping the “right” type of man out of their experience.

How do I know this to be true? Exactly, how many prospects with real potential have you dated in the last year? I rest my case!

If you think you might be sending out this “I love being single” vibe when you want to be sending a “I’m ready for a man with substance ” vibe, it is wise to look deep within your heart to see what is behind your singleness.

One way to approach this is to take a few days to compile a list of all the best parts about your life right now. What are the advantages of being single? While you might not come up with many at first, if you work on this for a couple of days, you may surprise yourself. Once your list is complete, go through each item and decide mindfully whether or not you are negotiable on it.

This self reflection may be just what the doctor ordered in helping you discover why you are still single. If you still don’t see yourself as unapproachable, ask a close friend to go through your list with you. Her view of your current state of affairs or lack of (sorry, couldn’t resist) may add extra dimension to your self inquiry.

Once you unearth the root to your singleness, you will have one of two outcomes. One, you may indeed embrace your singleness with new passion as it IS life affirming for you or two, you will find yourself in the right place and the right time more often where you will cross paths with many more interesting and available men!

Talk about a win-win!

Good luck to you, Andreya!

Catherine

Wandering if your self sabotage style is blocking your way to love?  Find out if you are a Scarlett, Rapunzel or Snow White right here:  http://budurl.com/lovesabotage