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10. Whine about what your best friend got and how you never get anything you like.
9. Drag him to the mall with a notebook and stroll around pointing out things you like.
8. Remind him how much he botched the last three gift giving occasions.
7. Tell him how your last boyfriend always picked the best gifts for you.
6. Stop in front of every jewelry store and drool over diamonds.
5. Pick your favorite store and tell him a gift certificate from there is perfect.
3. Cut out pictures of things you like and tape them to his bathroom mirror.
2. Agree to a $25 limit and stick to it.
1. Ask him to plan a romantic evening for the two of you and surprise you!
Remember, he loves you. He knows that Christmas is special to you. He may just be insecure about buying you the perfect gift, especially if you want a ring. Be patient and kind. Praise him for being thoughtful and accept his gift with a sense of light heartedness and he will feel awesome for pleasing you!
“I am going to be in town for a couple of days and I would love to see you.” the familiar voice said hopefully.
Instantly I am flooded with emotions both good and bad. We had been broken up for a few months and I had been trying to evict him from my mind ever since.
Unbidden, thoughts about him and how hot the sex was, how beautiful I felt when I was with him, how romantic it was to sip wine at sunset, had been running through my mind for weeks. My brief fling with him had been the most fun I’d had in years!
Now here he was, breezing back into my life and inviting me to reconnect. I knew my friends would be shocked that I was even considering it, so I didn’t telling anyone he called. There were so many parts of our time together that were very good. Why did we break up anyway?
Does this ring a bell? This exact scenario happened for me several years ago and I chose to say no. It was an excruciating choice because the chemistry was ridiculous. (I would love to know why the wrong men can have such exciting chemistry…just not fair!) This is how it played out.
Gorgeous, exciting ex-flame is visiting my tiny apartment. Candles were lit, jazz was playing and he was doing his best to coax me into bed. “It is important to live in the moment,” he said to me, “Do what feels good now.” My new interest in The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle not withstanding, somehow I knew he was pushing his agenda over my lackluster objections.
I was so tempted. He had asked me for a back massage which, of course, I agreed. I loved touching him and what harm could it do? Ha! As I rubbed the oil on his back, he kept gently encouraging me to respond to my natural arousal and seal the deal. What a pickle!
Somehow, in the middle of this highly charged situation, I said to myself first and then to him, “Wait a minute. Just hold up here. I want to think about what is right for me.”
I went across the room, sat in a chair, closed my eyes and pleaded with my Inner Wisdom, “Please help me know what to do. I want this man but the red flags are waving madly! What should I do?”
I was hoping I would get a clear yes (dreamer!) or a clear no but what I got was the most amazing and calming answer.
“Whichever choice you make will be fine. You are going to be fine, no matter what.”
I laughed outloud and told him what I heard. He laughed too. I am sure he was hoping my Inner Guidance said yes, but he was absolutely wonderful when I told him I decided no. He had made it clear to me that he was not interested in a relationship with me and as much as I wished I could change his mind, I had to face the truth. Sex would be fun with him but I knew myself too well. I liked him more than that and a bootie call would send me into weeks of obsession! Bottom line, I want to be loved more than anything. Love has to be primary.
What about you? Are you facing a similar situation? A dear friend of mine always used to quip “An ex is an ex for a reason” whenever I looked back at my ex-boyfriend. I would say the same to you. But, if you are not sure, here are three questions to ask yourself:
1. Do you feel a heart connection to this man? Do you really? Get quiet and allow the memories of your break up come back to you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how hurt and disappointed were you? If it is 6 or above. Stop for a moment and think about adding another disappointment to the mix. Does that work for you?
2. Are you obsessing about him? If you are, that is a symptom of an out of control mind. If you broke up, there was a reason for that. Jump into a new hobby or get outside and walk a couple of miles a day while listening to a book on tape. Take action to give your thirsty mind something to think about. An obsessive woman is not very attractive, not even to her friends.
3. What do your friends think? Trust your friends. Just like the Sex In The City girls, trust someone to talk to about this. Often your friends can see your situation more clearly. Yes, Carrie and Big got together, but that was a fairy tale. More times than not an ex is an ex for a reason and moving on is your best bet.
If you can’t get him out of your mind, don’t worry! There are lots of cool ways to occupy your mind while the next candidate comes across your path. Not to sound like my grandma but, there really are a lot of fish in the sea and there is someone out there for you.
If you are spending hours a day mooning over an ex, you sure can’t put too much energy into thinking the thoughts that will attract that new man to you. Is that ok with you?
I have a beautiful wind chime hanging outside my studio. We have a breeze every afternoon and the sound is heavenly. This particular chime contains the notes of Beethoven’s Ode to Joy and every now and then you can hear that melody within the cluster of notes.
This morning, instead of hearing the usual harmony, I heard something like this. Ding. Ding. Ding. Clank. I know this gets lost in translation but bear with me. I haven’t gone out to inspect it yet, but I have a feeling one of the pipes is wrapped around one of it’s sisters strings.
Even though most of the pipes are hanging and ringing properly, it is amazing how that single ‘clank’ makes my hair stand up on end. The harmony of the whole completely altered by one piece out of tune.
I know just how that wind chime feels. My life can be going really well in many areas. Smooth sailing, soul satisfying events and contentedness are definitely a part of my daily life. But, then there are those annoying out of tune parts. No matter how hard I try to hide them from the breezes of life, they insist of clanging away creating disharmony. Plus, if the truth were told, most of my out of sorts moments come because I am tangled up in someone else’s drama.
Let me give you an example. At the moment, my health is great, my career is developing nicely, my romantic life is rich and entertaining, my weight is good, my finances are balancing after a challenging time and all of that feels really good. But still I struggle with worry about my adult kids, bless them.
If I allow my mind to dwell on their circumstances, I am pulled surely and tangibly out of balance. I tell myself, out loud so I can hear it, “That is their drama and they can handle it.”
Learning to choose what I am going to spend my time thinking about has been life altering, to say nothing of the lovelier melody I am when I am completely in tune.
How do you know you have a clanking chime? Just like the fingernails down the chalkboard kind of feeling you get hearing a flat note, your body will give you clues about being out of tune. Some feel a general all over edgy feeling, some get pain in their shoulder or lower back, some get digestion upset and others just feel heavy and sluggish.
Once you recognize that you are just out of tune, you can do something about that right away. Go outside and take a couple of deep breaths, take a brisk walk and shake it off….literally. This will automatically energize you. You will add dimension if you talk to a like minded friend, someone who will focus the conversation on positive aspects of your situation.
What does any of this have to do with making your man perfect? Everything! If your man does not have to take responsibility for your mood, if you can recognize and attend to your own emotional balance, he will feel his own share of relief. Most guys are ill equipped naturally to ‘tune’ us, you know, to say just the right thing to change our perspective.
When you are caring for your own inner harmony, you make yourself that much more irresistible to him. There is nothing more appealing than a calm, confident and joyful woman.
What tune are you playing these days?
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