It’s ok to ask for help

On June 20 my mom got a pancreatic cancer diagnosis. At noon on July 30, she died, in decidedly Scarlett style.

My mom was a Scarlett through and through and it wasn’t til her last breath that she let me know what I had always wondered. Did she regret her choice nearly 30 years ago to withdraw from my life? My mom was a troubled woman. Hear tell from those who knew her best, deeply troubled.

Arielle Ford wrote today, “In this moment there is nothing for me to do. There is only something for me to be and something for me to remember….to know that right now, I have everything that I need.” Such a timely reminder.

I can’t remember the last holiday I spent with my mom. I saw her three or four times in the last 10 years.  I couldn’t give you a chronology of her last 25 years.  I was completely out of her world.

Sadly, it was much the same for many of my seven younger siblings.  Yet at the end, all of her children got to say their good byes and  I had 12 exquisitely and excruciatingly intense days to usher her to the other side.  My brothers John and Charlie were at my side representing all of us at that 12th hour on the 12th day…so Joan.

Once upon a time, she and I were soulfully connected. In order to grow up, I began saying no to her when I was 31. A great round of cognitive therapy helped me do what I needed to be mom to my own kids and be responsible for my own life. My role with my mom had to change and she never got over it til the 12 hour on the 12th day.

For some reason, the bond between Joan and I was broken at that time. Is it a coincidence that her mom died when she was only 31, the same age that she withdrew from my life?  How priceless that I received hospice training several years ago and had the right tools to bring out what needed to be unearthed.

The amazing thing is, she did let me know she regretted breaking our bond. My biggest sadness is that by time she was really genuine with me, for maybe the first time ever, there was no time left.

The night I got home from San Francisco area where we had hospiced her (Huge hugs of gratitude to the Pathways Hospice in Palo Alto!) it was a beautiful full moon.

I had the first of what I know will be many ceremonies and rituals of healing at the stroke of midnight. This flaming Scarlett mom of mine would have loved it.

I will be sending out a message about this month’s New Moon in Leo Ceremony. It will be at 9 am pst on August 17. I hope you will mark your calendar for this most auspicious ritual.

Oh, as far as asking for help. I am getting a lot of insight about myself and am happy that the fabulous Hospice system has support for me that is affordable and accessible….for a full year after her death.

What I want more than anything is to create the environment I want around me without a struggle. The people closest to me want me to perk back up and be my regular self, or that’s what it feels like. Bless them, I know they are trying to help. I am where I am and that’s ok. Thanks Abraham.

Like I said, I am super grateful for Hospice. Today when the lovely young man took my intake information, it felt really, really good to have him simply take my name and address.

Thanks to all of you faithful, faithful readers who have followed my writing over the years. I deeply appreciate your love and light as I float through this experience in my own time and in my own way.

Oh, in honor of my mom (you can read more about the last 12 days right here, she would LOVE if you would stop by…http://joanscaringbridge.com) if you are a Scarlett or a Rapunzel, please be brutally honest and tell the person you are angry with the truth.

If you are a Snow White, find a way to speak directly to the person you resent. Admit that you have part blame and ask for a reconnection.

I started to ask my mom for what I wanted in 2007, the same year I went through rectal cancer. It took almost 5 years of persistent, clear and concise requests before she could hear me but it sure was worth it. At the end, when her arms couldn’t hug me anymore, she found the strength to squeeze my hand and I knew and felt her sorrow and remorse.

My mom was troubled. We will never understand her true motivations. Her last two conversations with me were unintelligible. Only two words fell into my soul. “Forgive me.”

It took three tries before this so tragically misunderstood Scarlett left her body. Dying as dramatically as she lived, doggone it I am glad I was with her the last 12 days.

Thanks for being on team Behan and cheering me on as I rebound from this rather shocking last three weeks. I will be back to writing my regular stuff real soon….

Love you, seriously, I really do….

Off to receive a little magic,

Catherine

Stressing and Obsessing about that ex of yours has to come to an end. How badly do you want a guy who really treats you right?  Seriously, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you crave a forever partner?

Can you see how important it is to get control over your emotions?  How attractive are you when you are freaking out?

Guy Kayasaki in his FAB book Enchantment, describes an excellent boss who remains at the top of his game because he constantly reminds himself what a tough boss he is to work with.

You have to face the fact that you are a complicated package. You feel things deeply and don’t feel understood very often.  Don’t you get hurt feelings a lot of the time?  How attractive is that, right?

I recently got this question from a frustrated Rapunzel, one of my private members,  who has no trouble seeing her faults, in fact she has slipped to the other side of the equation and is ‘beating up on herself’ at her inability to stop stressing and obsessing.  Here is her note and my answer:

Dear Catherine,

Sometimes I start using EFT on an issue and then another becomes apparent and another and so on and then I feel very overwhelmed at which one I need to focus on, in other words, which issue is the core issue?

I then feel very frustrated and angry with myself for having so many issues and for not being tough enough to “get over myself”!

Is there an exercise that can help find the core issue so that I can focus on that? Does anyone else feel this way sometimes?

Hi Rapunzel,

Thanks for such a great question!

When you are tapping on a problem and another problem comes to your mind, we have a couple of things to hash out.

Here are some tips for creating a great tapping script when you are overwhelmed:

1. You will have easiest results when you get to as specific an incident to tap on as possible. For example, Bossy Betty at work is not good to tap on, the time Bossy Betty spilled coffee on the report you had been working on for three weeks is.  If you are not specific enough, your mind searches for something to hook on to and jumps all over the place.

2. If Bossy Betty is the problem, think of the last thing she did that really got to you. Then get out a notebook and write the thing down, in movie title form:

The Time Bossy Betty Spilled Coffee on the Report. (Sometimes my beloved Rapunzels point out to me that Bossy Betty does 100 things a day that are annoying. I know. But to kick start your brain into the pleasure zone, you have to pick one.)

Now ask yourself: What Bugs Me About That? Wait for the answer. Write it down and then ask the question again. Keep repeating until you reach the end.

This is magical brain detective work and will help you find what is really at the bottom of your reaction to Bossy Betty.

Here is an example:

The Time that Bitch Bossy Betty Ruined my Report. (A Little Drama Allowed)

What bugs me about that? I worked so hard on the thing.

What bugs me about that? Not only did I not get credit, now I have to start over.

What bugs me about that? Her stupidity

What bugs me about that? People should know better

What bugs me about that? People are so careless

What bugs me about that? People should care

What bugs me about that? People should care about how hard I work

What bugs me about that? They are taking advantage of me

What bugs me about that? I hate it here

What bugs me about that? I’m wasting so much time.

I recently heard a quote I love. Life is 20% what happens to you and 80% how you react to it. So, so true. Take your time and just keep asking the question over and over until you get the true answer.

Now you have the perfect EFT tapping script. Just go through the points tapping on each answer. Then finish with a round that says this or something like it:

“Thank you Universe that dingy Bossy Betty spilled the bleepin’ coffee on my report because if she didn’t, I wouldn’t have tracked down that place in my brain that hid the pain from me.

Thank you for showing me the parts of my brain that make me feel overwhelmed. Thank you for helping me calm and settle my brain chemistry.”

It might feel weird to use words like brain and brain chemistry when you are manifesting your soul mate but go ahead and do it anyway. Your brain is confused… programmed wrong….. it is the root of your love sabotage.

Life has conditioned your brain to act as if Love hurts and is potentially fatal (I know that is a little dramatic, but the Saboteur’s love it that way….that’s why you are still single!)

When you track down the grand daddy aha at the bottom of your questions, you then bring refreshing restorative pleasure brain chemicals into that very place. Sweet relief?

You bet, and remember, Abraham Hicks has been telling us for years that our number one goal should be relief. They are so so right!

You can train your brain to fall in love. Keep using all the tools you are learning. EFT is my personal favorite, however there are literally dozens of techniques you can use to change your brain’s chemical state.

Your job is to recognize when you are freaking out and deal with it as a physical brain issue first. This takes practice, but you can do it.  Once you relieve the stress chemicals and find relief, then make the decision that is freaking you out. Then for sure you will stop freaking out about your ex.

Is that normal?

When Genevieve, a Rapunzel, was younger, she had a long string of intimate relationships. She didn’t see it as love sabotage. Sex was a natural part of her dating life. It started when she was 15. Sex became no big deal. Now at 43 and struggling to define love differently, she isn’t sure what is normal.

“I think I am really in love. He makes me feel amazing. Every time we are together, I want to be with him more and more. We laugh and laugh together. We sleep in the same bed with our clothes on. But I don’t WANT to have sex with him. Isn’t that weird????”

She was talking really fast and I could feel her excitement. “Last night we had a long talk about sex, about what we like and don’t like, fantasies and stuff like that. Then he asked me if I wanted to have sex.”

“I burst out laughing and said no, I’m not ready and I wasn’t afraid to tell him.”

Then she collapsed in a fit of giggling. “ME!!” She howled, “Me turning down sex!!”

“Are you attracted to him?” I asked.

“That’s the crazy thing,” she said, “He is so handsome! I can’t stop thinking about him and I want to be with him all the time.”

Genevieve’s delight is so tangible, I replay her story over and over in my mind. In a way, when you befriend your saboteur, it is as if your sweet fourteen year old self, the one that was so terribly hurt and disappointed in love all those years ago, is being given a second chance.

I remember Ruby, a Chinese Rapunzel with limited English skills. Coaching her was a challenge as I broke down the steps of breakup recovery into words she could understand. Ruby had met a man on Match.com and after 4 months of happiness, found out he was married.

She knew he lived in a different state. She accepted that he was only in her town for business every couple of weeks. She also was completely blindsided when she found out he was married. As she told me her story, here is a key point:

“In my country, you fall in love first and then you have sex. In your country, you have sex first and then fall in love. I don’t understand.”

No, I said to Ruby, you have it right! You SHOULD be in love before you have sex. Your people have it right. Not because it is morally right or wrong, that is not what this is about. The reason to love first is about hearing from your inner senses, feeling your way along so you know exactly who to sleep with when you do.

Genevieve had slept with so many men, her inner guidance was disconnected. In true Rapunzel fashion, she careened from relationship to relationship having great sex but never connecting with the men in a meaningful way.

Now, with this new man, everything is different. He thrills her. She loves him and she is in no hurry to have sex. Is it normal? Yep, it is for Genevieve. As I ask her every time we speak, how does this feel to you? On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you when you are with him? How happy are you just thinking about him?

As long as you feel your way through opening up to a man and keep yourself feeling high on your scale of happiness, you cannot go wrong. I promise.

What you can’t possibly know when you are a young, is how impossibly delicious the time is before you have sex with someone you adore. It is a time that cannot be restored.  Making it last as long as possible is your goal!

So what do you do? Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!! I have been married for 5 years now and I still go back to that time to refuel my appreciation for my Larry. I was living about 45 minutes away from him and we were falling in love quickly. I remember watching out the window for his car. I remember seeing it turn down the street.

My heart started to pound. I was so excited he was coming. I made myself wait for a few moments before I answered the door bell even though I wanted to run out and meet him in the parking lot.

He smelled really good and l remember how the fabric of his yellow turtle neck felt under my fingers. We were laying on the couch together looking into each others eyes. The edge between risk of falling in love again and the undeniable physical chemistry drove our enchantment with one another.

I am so happy we had that time. Just like Genevieve and Ruby, I lost a lot of innocence when I was young. Love was twisted and painful in the players on the stage of my life. Blah, blah, blah…who of us doesn’t have drama in the past.

Now, when I see the parts of my husband that are cross and anxious and I dodge for cover, I don’t freak out anymore. I go back to that day in early autumn of 2004 and imagine myself running my hand up Larry’s chest, feeling the softness of his beautiful yellow turtleneck and every single time, I get a flood of the same feelings I had on that day and I love him like that all over again.

So, darling Genevieve, you are learning a new normal for yourself, and you are doing just fine! You are open and curious about your man and all of the loving feelings you are feeling for him are like bread crumbs leading you home.

Love Sabotage will not betray you.  If after 4 months, you are not feeling it for him, you will know clearly and you will be able to move on.

What you can count on is this. If this man is not your forever man, he is SO close that when the right one does find you, it will be even better. I promise.

Wonder if you are  with the right guy?  Click here for a Should I Stay or Should I Go Psychic Reading and find out!

Are you ready for real change?

Are you tired of your Saboteur keeping love at a distance?

Have you been searching for an easy way to melt your self sabotage?

You are in the right place!

Welcome to EFT Cupid: Tap Into Love

Do you wish you could learn how to use EFT to attract your Soul Mate? I hear you and every other week I lead EFT practice sessions for my members.

You will work with me personally to turbo charge your own EFT results. There is something amazing about doing EFT in a group.

The unified intention of the callers to Find Real Love is magical. I am opening this new program so that I can work with all of the Rapunzels, Snow Whites and Scarletts out there who are ready for LOVE!

The EFT Cupid program is included in my private membership site and you can try it for only $9.97 for a month to see if you like it.

Just click right here for all of the info:  http://EFTCupid.com

Loving you and your Saboteur!  Come Tap yourself into True Love!

“Catherine, I wanted you to be the first to know…. I got engaged last weekend!“

Before Sarah and I met, she was 38, wanted to have children of her own and hadn’t dated in 5 years. 8 months later she sent me an email with her good news! Now she is planning her wedding!

Ready to March into March with an action plan for melting your self sabotage patterns before Spring? Could there be a wedding for you in 2011?

When Sarah connected with her Rapunzel, everything changed. She stopped complaining and started campaigning to befriend her Saboteur…that is when everything changed.

Sarah learned how she was actually RESISTING the very dream she was craving. Once she got it… everything changed!

Would you like to know the very Secrets that turned things around for Sarah? Listen to this FREE audio coaching session where I reveal three secrets that your Saboteur does NOT want you to know!

Remember…it is self sabotage that is the final frontier between you and your happily-ever-after! Make this the moment you say YES to a delicious future like Sarah’s.

I would LOVE to see you free from Sabotage!!

Here’s FREE recording:

http://cat3733.audioacrobat.com/download/3SabotageSecrets.mp3

If you listen to one recording this month…this is the one not to miss!

Love and Magic….

Catherine

PS I bet your Saboteur is whispering to you….”I bet you already know the secrets…don’t get your hopes up again.”

PPSS Just tell her…”Shhhhhh. I LOVE secrets!”

“I never ever felt attractive.” she whispered quietly.

Janet Jackson was interviewed recently by ABC’s Meredith Vieira and I was touched by her story. This Diva, who exudes confidence, sexuality and drama while on stage, is a classic Rapunzel…trembling in emotional pain behind the walls of her confident public self.

In the eye opening interview, Jackson was open and vulnerable, frequently in tears in her recollections.  How could this be? Beautiful, talented and brilliant Janet Jackson, feeling unattractive. What hope is there for the rest of us?

As is true with many Rapunzels, Janet misinterpreted and personalized the cruel teasing of family and friends. Instead of seeing that the teasers were just being stupid and spouting off, she took in the words like seeds and those seeds grew into a tangle of strangling low self-esteem.

Unable to withstand the harshness of the teasing, she steadily created a cocoon of safety around her heart.  When Rapunzel is finally ready to try love, that energetic and very efficient armor is not able to let the seeds of real love get through and grow.

“You fat cow.” (I know, heartbreaking, isn’t it?)  Those awful seeds sunk deeply into  Janet’s heart.  Who wouldn’t want to raise a shield three feet thick?

These and the hundreds of other harmful words thrown carelessly her way built a tower of unlovableness, self hatred and self denial.  You see, Rapunzels are hyper-sensitive in many dimensions and fear the pain of disappointment more than they even know.

Each thought of pain, betrayal and abuse strengthens the tower that holds a Rapunzel away from True Love! Even though the offending event was years ago, today’s thoughts hold the same energetic charge….it is like reliving the awfulness again and again.

Can you relate?  Do you feel like a Rapunzel?  There is something important you need to know. You can be fully loved and still protect your heart.  As your old tower is being dismantled, you get to have a fabulous new one, designed perfectly for you!  The Divine knows that you need tender loving care and deep protection.

Your new tower is built out of bricks of light. Each brick a piece of real world evidence that good fortune and positivity really do exist.  Keep watching for the concrete evidence that the Divine is in this with you. They are like the breadcrumbs leading you to your True Love.

You will always have your Inner Crystal Tower. The bricks are made out of  the times you notice good coming your way, the mortar is your new beliefs.  The resulting new tower is tall, strong and flexible.

As a Rapunzel, it may not be fair, but it is true, you need to have a bit more strategy when you approach love. Because you feel safest in an extremely quiet environment, you need to plan for that.  If you attract a man who doesn’t understand that, it will never work.

The trick is how to tell him in a way that feels like a win for both of you.  Your ideal man is a man who will listen to you and respond with questions and not criticism.  You are the most sensitive of all the Saboteurs.  Be brave and tell the people who love you what you need to hear to feel loved.  They will treasure this info!

A change in language, that is the words you use to express yourself, will guarantee an inner feeling of security that will anchor you.  Here is what I mean:

You: Baby, we need to talk.

Him: (Visible pulling back, thinking ‘What’d I do?’)  Uh..OK.

You: (Throat closing) I feel smothered.  You are always around.  I can’t breathe sometimes.

Him: (Closing down quicker than an umbrella salesman in New York when the rain disappears.)  Uh..

You: It is not that I don’t love you.  I do.  I love and adore you.  (Tears start to fall)

Him: (Scared, hurt and confused) Let’s talk later baby. (Knowing he never will)

You: (Cruelly yelling at yourself inside for even bringing it up) I’m sorry baby.  I’m sorry.

What’s going on?  You are both hitting panic mode and panic attracts panic. This is self sabotage at its awful best.  Inner mechanisms that are on automatic.  Being open to another has had disastrous consequences over and over.  Rapunzel, deeply sensitive, takes these the hardest of all Saboteurs.

That is why it is critical that you start using a new language to tell the story of what you want. Your own ears need to hear a realistic and hopeful story about what is possible….in words you can trust and believe.

Once you form your magnetic statements from these new words, your Saboteur will relax her hold and you will draw more and more good to your life.

Here are some examples, see if you can feel the difference between each:

“I need to be with a man who is financially well off and can buy me anything I want.”

“I want a man who is good with money and exquisitely generous with me.”

or

“I need time to myself and I don’t want to attract a needy man who smothers me.”

“I want a man who values time alone and honors my need for solitude and peace.“

If I could speak to Janet Jackson, this is what I would tell her:

Girl, you are one tough cookie. Like a fragile violet, you have done your best to shine in a hostile environment and you have done an amazing job.  But, as a Rapunzel, you will always need a place of safety and retreat, even when you are with your True Love.

This is the secret of sustaining a relationship instead of sabotaging it. Take the time to build that Inner Tower.  Collect evidence of positivity and brick by brick you will create an Inner Sanctuary that only you can enter.

This Inner Tower will give you the feeling of security you have always longed for. You are a delicate one, yes that is true.  But delicate is steel strong at its core.  Fragile is simply a mindset and a mindset can be changed.

When you find your Inner Tower you will finally feel your value and see yourself as your fans do. You are so deeply loved and when you accept yourself as deeply, love will flood into your life.

xoxoxo

Time to rally Rapunzels! Are you really ready for true love? Check your tower, is it dark and cold or filled with light and hope?  Only you can pick the day the tower comes down and lets the light of love come in.  Let your dreams for love energize you to get what you are longing for.

Celebrity Saboteur: Anne Hathaway – Luminous Snow White

Sabotage Lessons From Charlie Sheen

Could you be a Rapunzel?  Take the Saboteur Survey and find out:  http://budurl.com/lovesabotage

“Why can’t I just let go?”

“A part of me cannot see why I need to.  I want it to work out between us even though I know he isn’t the one.”

I heard the sound of quiet weeping on the other end of the phone.

“Is there anything in you that whispers that he might truly change and that you would feel valued, respected and loved?” I asked gently.

“No.” Sighed Sarah. “I think I am afraid that no one else will come.”

I could sense her throat tightening up and feel her tear as it began to touch her cheek. I am able to feel my clients feelings. At first, I feel them when they feel nothing.

I know that is a little weird, but it is true. By the end of our work together, Sarah was able to feel the feelings too. We could resonate together and feel the pulse of life in a cool way.

This Rapunzel like the others before her have been deeply hurt by betrayal and lies. Fear and anger were like the mortar holding her tower of protection into place.

She sabotages by isolating herself, even when she is with someone.  The problem is that the tower is single occupancy and there will never be room for a soul mate to move in.

Once Sarah could let go of her lost dreams and hopes, she began to build a new tower for herself. A Tower with bricks of self acceptance and self compassion with a mortar of love and peace.  Now she is engaged.  Good for you, Sarah!

When you learn to feel what being loved and accepted feels like, really feels like, you won’t be able to settle anymore. You already have experiences within your tapestry of memories of exquisite moments.

Moments like being acknowledged publicly at work or school, cheered on at a toddler ballet recital, wept over by your emotional mom while you played a viola piece you loved or the first powerful and oh so innocent crush on that first guy.

The problem is that those great memories are hidden in the dark complication of the remorse, regrets and rejection in the years between then and now. The flow of these three invisible energetic forces, Regret, Remorse and Rejection is a raging river separating you from your own core.

You are separated from the center of your own heart. You on one side of that river, your heart on the other. Without your heart, you cannot attract your true love.

Even though you have your vision board and are saying affirmations and you are claiming that you are ready for love, you are radiating loneliness, disappointment and emptiness on an energetic level.  And girl, you have to do something about that.

This raging river of ill will toward men in general and romance in particular, rushing through your emotions, is dominating your choices, your language, your mood and your reactions to life circumstances. It controls your love life by attracting men who have raging rivers of their own.

These relationships are certain to fall apart when the pain each person feels is blamed, consciously or unconsciously on the other. Then you get into a vicious cycle and the river rages stronger and stronger.

EFT is the best tool I know to neutralize that river….calm it down and transform it into Peace, Detachment and Acceptance. Once the forces within you are operating in calmness and ease, and the inner river is flowing easily with no stress, memories from the past that hold real creative juice will come forward.

You already have every thing you need to feel the deep magnetism that assures you that you are loved. The power of past love and disappointment is the block needing your attention.

Knowing you are ok and everything is progressing along at its perfect rate is hard, Rapunzel, I know you are tired of waiting. Your expectations can easily get inflated setting yourself up for disappointment.

Tell yourself things like this: “My life is unfolding at the exact right pace.” “I am learning to see good things that are coming my way…even if they are tiny.” “I want to feel happy”. “Being happy feels really good.” Even if it doesn’t feel like it is doing any good. It is. Your ears need to hear your voice carrying this positivity to your brain.

Once you radiate your authentic self, free of any fears of criticism or ridicule, you’re there. There is someone out there who is looking for exactly that….your real and true adorable self.

He is out there, Sweet Rapunzel, don’t compromise what is most precious to you to stay with a man. Be a soul mate to your own Soul first, then you are ready to be open to Your True Love, you will feel it clearly.

Can you relate?  Wonder if you might be a Rapunzel?  Take the Love Sabotage Assessment and check it out for free:  http://EndLoveSabotage.com

“Your ears are horrible.”His voice echoes in her ears 25 years later.

“You’ll never make it in this business looking like that.”

Years of painful memories from cruel childhood bullies come flooding back every time Denise remembers that agent’s abrupt appraisal of her ears.

“F–k him”, she thought.  “F–k him”. Barbra Streisand never fixed her nose, of course, Barbra didn’t have her ears. Terrified of losing her opportunity, she allowed the cruel man to push her and manipulate her from that day forward.

Ever since that day, her ears never appeared in public again. Even though she had surgery years ago to ‘pin’ the little devils into more appropriate posture, she still cowered in fear of an old picture from 6th grade popping up.  For some reason, her mom rejoiced in plaiting her hair into tight strings against her scalp for picture day.

Blessed with gorgeous hair, she wore it down and long, causing immense jealousy among her friends.In fact, her friends couldn’t possibly understand the huge fear of rejection that their compliments refused to soothe.

In fact, she was tired of hearing the string of comments she heard from every one.  ”How can you still be single?”  ”You are beautiful.”  ”You would be a great wife.”  Or the worst one of all,  ”You know, these days, being a successful single woman is more accepted than ever.”

Maybe they are right, she would think, maybe there is no one for me out there. It’s true that her life looks charmed from the outside looking in.  A successful TV anchor woman, Denise had traveled the world and was highly respected.

With a personal stylist and hair and makeup taken care of every day, she always appeared at her very best.  Little did her fans know how deeply insecure she felt without her entourage, makeup and wardrobe.

“What’s wrong with me?”  she said to her reflection in the mirror. At 45, she knew the network was interviewing younger, bustier women and she could see the handwriting on the wall.  All Denise wanted, all she had dreamed about her whole life was a husband.  Truth be known, she would have given up her whole career, to have the one thing she never found.

Why is True Love so very hard for some women to find? Denise is a Rapunzel and if you look into her past, you might find the clues, really the steps that she took that built that tower…one brick at a time.  Just like the fairy tale, the inner tower of safety she has built for herself for safety, now holds her prisoner.

That agent wasn’t the first person who rudely picked at her appearance. Her own mother used to tell her, “You look like death warmed over….go put on some makeup.”  Her father had taken off when she was 2 and her mom hated him.  She told Denise time and again, “Don’t trust men.  They will take what they want and throw you away when they are done.”

Fear and hurt served as the mortar between the brick after brick of disappointment in all of her relationships. Both boyfriends and girlfriends filled her life with drama in her school years.  Her natural good looks got her all kinds of attention, but she never felt beautiful so she always assumed people were just being nice or flat out lying.

Now, at 45, Denise is brittle, disappointed and hopeless.

Is there hope for Rapunzel? In a word, yes.  But Rapunzel has her work cut out for her.  In order to find the Love she has always longed for, Rapunzel must open up to the good opinions of others and AGREE with them.  She must stop beating herself up on the inside.

The most ironic and poignant part of all of this is that she has become her own worst enemy and her inner talk is laced with the same bullying she endured as a young person. If you can relate to Denise’s story, here are some action steps you can right now to start dismantling your defenses and let Love in:

1.  Accept Compliments. You have probably heard this before, but for Rapunzel’s this is critical.  When someone compliments you, I want you to say to yourself, “They are right, I do have beautiful hair, a great outfit, a fab sense of humor.”  Whatever is praised in you, you must start AGREEING with them.  Your default reaction is to DISAGREE with all kindness sent your way.  Stop that today.

2.  Write a Letter. Rapunzel, you have been through more hurt than is fair.  You know it, I know it.  Write a letter to your 16 year old self and tell her what you have learned so far.  Give her advice.  Encourage your 16 year old the way no one else did.  Then, write a letter to your 21 year old self. And then, write a letter to the one who let the great guy get away.  Personally, I love to burn the letters I write…a ceremony between me and me.

3.  Be Mad. This is one of my very favorite techniques.  Get a piece of paper and a couple of pens.  Think back and bring someone to mind who was mean or unkind to you.  All you do is write that person’s first name…over and over and over.  As you write it, notice your feelings.  You might notice your grip on the pen gets tighter.  You might notice your belly tighten or your chest ache.  Just notice.  You will notice that as you go on, you will reach an end.  Then think of another person and do the same.  Again, burning the papers is recommended….in a safe place of course.  I have a metal Burning Bowl I use for these exercises.

4.  Forgive Yourself. This is a crucial step.  Sure you are still single, I know, but you have to let yourself off the hook.  You have done the best you can.  Remember that she may be misinformed, but your Saboteur is sure that being alone is better for you.  Now that you are getting this information and these tools, you can change your course.  Tell yourself everyday, “Even though I have locked my heart away in the past, I am ready to open my life to new possibilities.”

5.  Let Down Your Hair. Rapunzel, you are deeply in need of FUN!  What are you doing in your life right now that is pleasurable and fun?  Think back to things you liked to do when you were 10 years old.  Were you a roller skater, bike rider, tree climber, beach walker?  Rent your favorite comedies on TV and laugh your ass off.  Fill your heart with laughter and your Love Vibe will leap into flame!

XOXO

How about you, do you wonder which Saboteur you are?  Check it out:

http://www.attractyoursoulmatenow.com/blog/true-love-saboteur-assessment/

Would you believe one of these four characters holds the key to your Soul Mate Destiny.If you are still single and not happy about it, take the time to skim this info.

You are manifesting a single life…like it or not, that is the truth of the matter. The part of you that is making sure you stay single is your Inner Saboteur.

Ironically, your Saboteur thinks that the risk of New Love is way more painful than being alone. What does that mean? You either undermine every potential relationship before it has a chance to grow or you abandon the relationship before he abandons you.

So why Snow White, Rapunzel, Scarlett and Sleeping Beauty? There are four Saboteur styles and I categorize them with imaginary characters to personalize them a bit.

This is not an evil force living inside you heart breaking your heart at every turn (even though it feels like that a lot of the time.)

No, this is a sensitive and caring part of you who just wants exactly what you want….TO BE LOVED AND FEEL HAPPY. That’s it.

Your Saboteur can be won over and recruited to help you attract True Love. Wouldn’t it be nice if your path to love was easier and more fun?

Once you know your Saboteur style, you can make a Soul Mate Attraction Plan with some real teeth. Each style has it’s own preferences and strengths.

Heck, she has been manifesting your singleness all these years and KNOWS how to get what she wants. Convince her to work with you instead of against you and some real magic will happen.

You have a strong inner concept of life as a single….it is all you have known for years. What if your very self sabotage habits could lead to True Love?

Just click the link at the bottom of this post and you will have instant mp3 download in your hands.

Curious? This recording will teach you about the Four Saboteur Styles, how you can recognize which you might be and how to convince your Saboteur that you really don’t want to be single anymore.

It happened for me and I am sharing the tools I discovered on my way so you can attract True Love once and for all.

From The E Mail Bag

Andreya writes: “I do want to be with my body/mind/soulmate. I don’t remember being abandoned by girlfriends while I was dating someone nor when I broke up with him. I found my girlfirends most supportive. This was true for boyfriends and when I divorced…..

I have long-term male and female friends, friendships lasting decades. I am visiting a guy friend and his family as well as a single friend for two weeks each on my trip to California….

AND, I am still single and would prefer to be with my body/mind/soulmate. (I want it all.) Do you think I am sabotaging?”

Hi Andreya,

Thanks for your post. I admire your ability to sustain lasting relationships for so many years. It is comforting to have a host of supporters…like the cell phone commercial!

Even though you have wonderful friends, there is no doubt that what you want (to meet men who could be that Soul Mate) is not measuring up to what is happening (you are only meeting men who do not qualify or you are not meeting new and interesting men at all).  Yes…this is self sabotage!

What I do know for sure from my work with highly successful women who can’t find the right guy, is that they are not aware of the image they are projecting to the world.

Most are stunned to realize that they are projecting an “I’m not available” image. Not only that, little do they know that this image or vibe is amazingly efficient at keeping the “right” type of man out of their experience.

How do I know this to be true? Exactly, how many prospects with real potential have you dated in the last year? I rest my case!

If you think you might be sending out this “I love being single” vibe when you want to be sending a “I’m ready for a man with substance ” vibe, it is wise to look deep within your heart to see what is behind your singleness.

One way to approach this is to take a few days to compile a list of all the best parts about your life right now. What are the advantages of being single? While you might not come up with many at first, if you work on this for a couple of days, you may surprise yourself. Once your list is complete, go through each item and decide mindfully whether or not you are negotiable on it.

This self reflection may be just what the doctor ordered in helping you discover why you are still single. If you still don’t see yourself as unapproachable, ask a close friend to go through your list with you. Her view of your current state of affairs or lack of (sorry, couldn’t resist) may add extra dimension to your self inquiry.

Once you unearth the root to your singleness, you will have one of two outcomes. One, you may indeed embrace your singleness with new passion as it IS life affirming for you or two, you will find yourself in the right place and the right time more often where you will cross paths with many more interesting and available men!

Talk about a win-win!

Good luck to you, Andreya!

Catherine

Wandering if your self sabotage style is blocking your way to love?  Find out if you are a Scarlett, Rapunzel or Snow White right here:  http://budurl.com/lovesabotage