In this month’s Oprah Magazine, Jane Fonda (A Scarlett O’Hara if I ever saw one) is featured in an article that caught my eye. Here’s what grabbed my attention:

Jane Fonda: “Every time I found myself without a man, I fell into a low-sizzling panic.” And then: “…I’d lost parts of who I was because I was trying to mold myself into what I thought a man wanted me to be.”

After her divorce from Ted Turner, she was single for 9 years. At 73 she is now in a committed relationship with no designs on a fourth marriage. “I’m bringing my real self–the real Jane–and he is giving me his real self too.”

Jane claims those 9 years of self discovery put her on her feet and helped her find what she really wanted in a relationship. In fact, she got so busy with life, she stopped looking for a partner all together. When Jane stopped looking to men to fill her love tank, she was 60 years old. Did that mean that she was without LOVE and affection for nearly ten years?

What did she do with her love hunger?

I believe Jane learned what I learned in my fifties and that is that LOVE is available and much easier to come by than we are taught. Feeling a connection with another person is delicious. When you are acknowledged, accepted and affirmed by someone, anyone, it feels good.

And yet, somewhere along the way, many come to an expectation that there is a SPECIAL kind of love. A PRIVATE LABEL Love that is much better, much more soul satisfying than what you see as generic love.

Now I am not talking romance here. Romance is fun and has its place in the love game, but I am talking about the deep experience of love connection that humans share with one another.

The physical experience of being accepted and affirmed is what I am talking about. I have news for you….the sensation of acceptance and high regard is the same whether that acceptance comes from your mom, your neighbor or your barista. What you say? That can’t be.

I know it is hard to believe but this is the secret to radiating the kind of love vibe that will make a real difference for you. When you see how many people are in your life right now who can bring you this feeling and make the choice to receive these good thoughts personally…as if they have been meant to fulfill your longings, the world will open up for you.

In my past, I used to think that my ex was the one and only True Love provider in my life. I truly believed that there was a certain ‘brand’ of love (loving feelings) that he was not giving me. I felt cheated because if he didn’t ‘love’ me the way I wanted to be loved, that it was impossible to feel loved.

The fact that he is my EX tells you how successful that was.  Today I know that when it comes to love, I need to have a full menu of love provision to keep my love vibe. The cool thing is that I get to fill my own love menu, as a matter of fact…I am the only one who can.

So, here is my Love Menu, go ahead and use some of these ideas to form your own:

Starters (These gestures make me feel loved because I know how I feel when someone is kind to me.) I FEEL the love as I am:

–Bringing in my elderly neighbors newspaper

–Volunteering at the cat shelter socializing cats

–Thanking the Starbucks Barista for being there since 6 am

Entrees:

–Calling a friend from the past to reconnect

–Joining an enriching community

–Reaching out to help someone else who is lonely and disconnected

Desserts:

–Pay it forward. Watch for chances to buy a stranger a meal, pop a coin in an expired parking meter or walk through your community giving a flower to people you pass by.

–Send notes to authors you enjoy reading.

–Comment on the blogs and articles online that inspire and entertain you.

What happens when you do all of these things? If you know how to work the magic, you can feel sensations in your body and thoughts in your mind that are alive with the vibration of LOVE.

A part of your mind might be screaming…what about me? Who will do these things for ME? Welcome your Saboteur. Something is separating you from love and your reaction to these suggestions forces this part of you to surface.

In order to attract pure love, it is easier than you think. When you have a menu full of options and a mindset to FEEL like you want others to feel, you will attract amazing new people into your life.  What do you think?  Do YOU have a Love Menu?

Do you want extra support on your Soul Mate Search? Today is your lucky day. I am starting a new EFT class series on Arielle Ford’s best seller, The Soul Mate Secret. Join us as we tap our way through this book and uncover the ideas you hold that are keeping you single. Click here for more info:  http://EFTCupid.com

I am a life long Marie Osmond fan. I tuned into Oprah today and was moved with the audience as Marie candidly discussed the suicide of her 18 year old son last winter. The pain, still at the surface, was difficult for her to control. She bravely carried on as she wanted to inspire and encourage others with her story.

It touched me when she apologized, more than once, for her very natural display of emotion. When she sang the Agnus Dei to memorialize Michael at the end of the show, she needed to stop and start again. Once again, she apologized. Not a person in the audience expected or needed that apology. We all just loved her and wanted to support her. Once again, I committed to releasing myself from my manic need to say “I’m sorry.”

Marie was asked point blank about the abuse allegations in the press regarding her ex-husband. She handled the question with dignity. The fact that her children would not have attended Michael’s funeral if the ex was going to be there speaks for itself. The ex didn’t attend.

Marie, the Snow White trooper that she is, was back on stage within days of her sons death. As she said it, her comfort zone is the stage. After performing for 48 years, it is her place of love. It is her passion. And it is healing.

If you saw that program, didn’t you just want to rush the stage and hug this fragile, beautiful woman? Similar to other Snow Whites, she has poured out her life focusing on others. Her eight, count them, eight children, her audiences, her brothers, her mom and dad (she prepared their bodies for burial as well as her son’s), the press, QVC, etc. etc. etc. If you look up sweet in the dictionary….her pic would be there!

Marie says she is in menopause so men are on pause. I like that. I see in her the resolve to find peace and healing in her own being. When asked how she linked up with her ex, a man so clearly not good for her, she said she was exhausted at the time she chose him. Good lesson there.

Snow Whites are amazingly strong and resilient. They take a licking and keep on ticking. They are the warm nurturers and care so deeply about the welfare of their dear ones that they often lose themselves in the process. It takes a mighty kick in the ass to get Snow White’s to slow down enough to ask themselves what they really, really want.

Can you relate? If you are a Snow White, be kind to yourself today. Look in the mirror and tell yourself just how special you are, because you need to hear your own mouth say it. If you get a chance to see the segment on Oprah…hold Marie in the light.

And Snow White? I think it is time for you to let the dwarves take care of you for awhile!

Curious about your Sabotage Style? Take The Sabotage Assessment right here: http://budurl.com/LoveSabotage

The 2010: The Destination of Your Dreams
by Debbie Ford

It’s so easy to make promises about the year ahead. You will follow your diet, be more financially responsible, be kinder to your spouse, spend more time at the gym…But, for most, the promises you make today will be empty dreams six months from now. So let’s examine this. I would suggest this happens because real change doesn’t occur when you just want something or wish for another reality. Real change happens when you feel genuinely inspired, turned on by possibility and unwilling to settle for anything less. It happens when you commit with all of yourself to a new way of life, to a new future. So how do you do this?

To feel inspired and lit up and to make room for optimism, enthusiasm, and lasting change, you must lighten your emotional load by addressing your past issues, your emotional blocks, your negative beliefs, your feelings of unworthiness and any infantile desires that drive you to repeatedly head off in a direction counter to your dreams. If you drop your commitments, it is not because you want to be seen as a quitter or a loser but because unconsciously you are more committed to an outdated self — an old identity that feels comfortable and safe even though it might have stopped serving you years ago. Often, psychological laziness will have you switch your life over to autopilot and fall asleep at the wheel rather than stay awake to what will fulfill your heart’s deepest desires and your soul’s purpose.

On this eve of a new year, a very fertile time to look over your past and commit to a new future, you can ask these simple questions to unload some old baggage and steer your life in the direction of a brilliant and thrilling future — the ride of your life.

1) What are your deepest desires for this new year?

2) What are you willing to give up to get them? What habits, limiting beliefs, unhealthy relationships or situations?

3) When did you become unwilling to do whatever it takes to have what you want?

4) What cravings or unmet needs will drive you away from your desired destination?

5) What structure of support will you need to ensure this new future?

6) Who could you count on to be your co-pilot to ensure that you will neither fall short of the runway nor overshoot your desired outcome? Who will help you stay awake?

If you wish to fly to new heights, begin by setting your sights on a destination you can reach and then create a flight plan, a map that will be your guide. And if at any time you don’t feel like following your flight path, stop, take a deep breath, call forth your vision for your future, then pick up your phone, dial your co-pilot and ask them to remind you that veering off your route really isn’t worth the pain of repeating the past. Veering off will only leave you in the same repetitive pattern of wanting, wishing, fantasizing, and then feeling intensely disappointed when you land at a destination other than the phenomenal future that awaits you.

So today, YOU have the power to choose the destination of your dreams, create a flight plan and stick to it. So gather your courage, your strength and your commitment and get onboard, making 2010 the most inspiring year of your life. Join Debbie for a free 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse program, a daily boost, on Oprah.com This amazing 21-Day course will help you clear out any old, negative patterns that may have been stopping you from manifesting the love of your life.

Check it out:  Consciousness Cleanse

It never fails me.

When I need to raise my vibration and put myself into a state of delicious well-being, I have a sure fire tool.  Right now I am watching a Tivoed Oprah show and, just like magic, the waves of goose bumps are hitting me.

Not so many years ago, I didn’t think goose bumps were anything special.  When is was cold, I figured it was just a response to the temperature.  I got goose bumps lots of other times, but dismissed them.  Boy was I missing out on a spectacular Law of Attraction tool!!

Now I know for sure that goose bumps are a language of vibration. Abraham Hicks has taught me that keeping my vibration high is the key to attracting what I desire into my life.  I used to think that vibration was controlled by my thoughts alone and that my attraction vibe was a mind experience.

Whoa!  Was I missing the boat!  Now I know that there is a lot of power in the goose bumps and shivers that happen when something thrills me.  Vibrating emotion rolling through my upper body has become my personal attraction meter.  The stronger the vibe, the more in tune with my Inner Being I am. 

Like I said, I never knew that these experiences had so much to offer. I would sit in theatre productions, sports events and concerts totally clueless.  I took the goose bumps and shivers completely for granted.  Now I know that I can recall these times and use them to ramp up my vibe whenever I want.

Plus, now that Tivo is in my life (if you don’t have it….get it!)  I can create my own high vibe tool kit with the push of a button.  So what is my number one Soul Mate Attraction Tool?

Makeovers. On my Tivo right now is a “Oprah, Make Over My Man Please!” (taping date November 19, 2009)  Tim Gunn and Carson Kressley are making over boyfriends and husbands while the women sit stunned in the audience.  Seeing the before and after pictures always sends chills up my spine.

What really gets to me though, every time, is the looks on the faces of the family when they see their loved one madeover. Truth be told, for me any makeover show will do.  From What Not To Wear to Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, the thrills and chills put me in the frame of mind and good feeling place that is an exact match to how I will feel when my manifestation appears.  I have been known to keep favorite episodes on my DVR for MONTHS!!

Pay attention to those goose bumps….when your soul mate arrives, you will be glad you did!

A friend of mine is just separating from her husband and hearing the fatigue, depression and sadness in her voice triggered this question:

How do you know when it is time to let go of a decaying relationship? The word “decaying” may give you a clue.  If you are miserable, exhausted and disenchanted with your relationship, chances are you are making a decision from a place of anger or fear.

Leaving a relationship is never easy, but if you do it with FEAR or ANGER being your motivator, you are setting yourself up to repeat your pattern with a new partner. The key to detaching yourself from a relationship that is no longer right for you, is to make your decision from a place of SELF LOVE instead.

How in the world do you get beyond the HURT, FEAR AND ANGER and find the SELF LOVE that is underneath it all?  Believe it or not, it is easier than you think.  It all starts with your thoughts.

The most powerful words I can share with you today are the FIVE WORDS THAT COMPLETELY CHANGED MY LIFE.  Now, I am a bit dramatic and love the turn of a phrase but I am serious.  These five words changed my life.

What You Focus On Expands.  Period.

Chances are you have been focusing on your man’s faults.  Not that I blame you, I used to do the same thing.  In my first marriage, I didn’t know about the five magic words.  I was an expert at my ex-husbands faults and not only did I focus on them, because I knew them so well (remember they expanded EVERYTIME I focused on them) I then made the “logical” next step….I began insisting he change those faults.

What a disaster! Through the divorce process, I searched and searched for answers.  I never wanted to divorce and I had to figure out what had happened to our once loving relationship.

My search led me to Abraham Hicks and the teachings on the Law of Attraction.  When I began to practice the Five Magic Words, choosing to focus on what I WANTED to expand, my whole perspective changed.

Now I am remarried and  nearing our fourth anniversary, the blush of honeymoon passion has subsided and real life has settled in.  I consciously choose to focus on Larry’s strengths, those things I truly admire. Even on a day when we are a bit cross with one another, my commitment to seeing only what I admire in him works  like a charm to get MY focus where I want it to be.

So how does all of this relate to someone whose relationship is ending? If you are ready to leave your guy, good.  You will find the whole process easier if you focus on what you WANT to see happening as you move on.  Focus on your future and your dreams.

But…if you are stuck in the fear, depression, anger and sadness and yet still care for your partner, find a support system (even Al-Anon can be a port in a storm) and begin to build up your positivity.  Leaving your relationship with more balance will help you move on more gracefully.

Besides, you don’t want to bring all of that emotional turmoil into your next relationship.  How can you make this shift?  Try these suggestions to create an exit strategy that works:

1.  Begin each and every day telling yourself something (anything) positive. Stand in front of the mirror (Thank you Louise Hay) and tell yourself:  “In this moment, I am safe and all is well.” or “You are looking good this morning!” or “I am proud of you.”

2.  Take out the trash. Author Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way, suggests writing three pages of whatever comes tumbling out when you get up in the morning.  She calls them Morning Pages.  The idea is to truly dump and then to burn your pages.  Amazing and powerful little tool.  Spill your guts, speak from the heart, write it and burn it.

3.  Find Connections. I have met the best people in meet up groups, at my area metaphysical bookstore and in classes and workshops.  Before that, when I was really struggling, I met great people in online forums and in coaching clubs.  Law of Attraction is amazing in bringing the exact right people into your life when you need them.  Just reach out.

4.  Take Responsibility. It takes two to tango.  Begin to be honest with yourself.  Yes, he has caused you a lot of headaches, bless him.  But you have caused him a lot of angst too.  I love H’ono p’ono, a Hawaiian healing method.  All you do is repeat:  I love you, Thank You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me.  Place your hand on your heart and say these four things while thinking of your soon to be ex.  You will feel waves of relief.

5.  Accept The Lessons. I remember Oprah talking about a difficult situation.  She asked, “What is the lesson here, let me learn it quick so I can move on.”  What about you?  Have you asked the Universe for the lesson?  Try journaling by using both hands.  With your dominant hand ask, “What is the lesson?” and with your non-dominant hand, write the answer.  Then ask again and again until you hear something from your Inner Being that brings relief.  Powerful tool.

Remember, you want to leave if that is the highest good, but more importantly, you want to leave with your dignity and your self concept intact.  You can move through this time with power and grace.  If I can do it, you can!

If Self Esteem is an issue for you, Check out Self Esteem is Irresistible Preview call September 9, at 9 pm eastern