It doesn’t rain very often in San Diego.

Winter is also not quite what I grew up with in the midwest.  That’s what makes rainy morning snuggling so exquisite.  Now I know that the special magic of those first few kisses and the electricity of those first expressions of intimacy are breath taking and intoxicating.

But I am here to tell you, when I scootch over and glue myself to my sleeping husband…the spooner to his spoonee, there is nothing better.  This morning I am extra grateful for my sweet heart and it is not just because he turned over and wrapped his arms around me for a precious 15 minutes before we got up.

Lar and I have been through our share of challenges in our short marriage.  Both of us have had some health and personal challenges.  We, like many baby boomers, are readjusting our vision and our dreams due to the new economy.

Yes, the first few weeks of our relationship were filled with stolen kisses and passionate embraces and other x-rated fun.  But when all is said and done, once our biology calmed itself and we settled into the delicious rhythm of our daily routine, the gentle unfolding of our relationship has brought deep satisfaction.

Don’t get me wrong, the strolls on the Italian Riviera, beach walks in Hawaii and cocktails on the fantail of a cruise ship are beyond fabulous.  I am deeply grateful for our good fortune and travel experiences.  However, the best part of my life with Lar is the day to day companionship.

I love how free I am to be myself.  I love how I feel when I am with him.  I love planning our days together.  I love how involved he is in his own interests.  I love when I am home alone and he is out and about.  I love when we are on the couch, fire lit, he with his paper, me writing this post.

I love rainy morning snuggling.

Diana hates her birthday.

Now that she is 39 for the last time and 45 is around the corner, she is tired of being a good sport. “I never thought I would still be single,” she wailed to no one in particular. Living alone had become a nightmare and the reality that children were not likely stabbed through her like a knife.

“Why did I ruin it?” she sobbed, “He wasn’t that bad. I thought he was The One at first. He was really into me. But the minute I started to talk about marriage, everything completely changed.” She began to cry uncontrollably. “He was my last chance, I just know it.”

This birthday was really painful. Last year she had taken Todd home and introduced him to her family. He didn’t want to be called a ‘boyfriend’ but she chose to ignore that. SHE knew that he was, even if he didn’t say so. She had waited almost 6 months before approaching the Commitment Talk. He pulled away faster than the D.C. metro. And now…she was alone….again.

Diana glanced at her voice mail….10 messages. She couldn’t bring herself to listen to all the birthday greetings. She hated her birthday and every year, as she kissed her dreams good by, it got worse plus time kept getting faster and faster.

Is it too late for Diana?

Unless she does something to change her attitude, yes. Harsh? Maybe. Honest? Yes. Diana has put so much pressure on herself to manifest a husband and family that she broadcasts a desperate vibe that is turning every prospect away. She thinks she can put on a happy face and ‘act as if’ she is fine but she is not fooling anybody.

What would I tell her if she asked me? I would remind her of the meaning of insanity….doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result each time. I would ask her a few important questions like these:

1. Did you have a boyfriend that broke your heart in high school?

2. Has anyone ever cheated on you?

3. Was your dad cruel or manipulative or absent?

4. Did a male teacher belittle you or humiliate you in public?

5. Have you been raped or beaten?

If Diana answered yes to any of these questions I would tell her this: Those past experiences left an imprint on you that is here right now as strong as it ever was. Memories with painful emotions attached to them are controlling your every move when it comes to choosing the men you allow to get close to you.

Find someone to help you release these painful imprints. Whether it is a pastor, a counselor, a coach or other mentor, don’t try to do this alone.

If your microwave is on the blink, you don’t take a screwdriver to it, take it apart, rebuild it and put it back together, do you?

Why do you think you can find your own problem, take yourself apart and then rebuild your heart by yourself? If you are REALLY serious about finding a soul mate and building a family, there is one thing you absolutely must do.

You must do something, no make that everything, differently than you have so far. If marriage has eluded you, face the music and change course. Don’t let the painful memories from the past stop you from finding True Love.

Once you set a new course, get the marching orders from someone able to help you and then move forward….you will find what you are looking for. I promise.

Do you ever wonder if it is too late for you? Did you answer “yes” to any of those questions? If so, I would love to support you. Go to http://EndLoveSabotage.com and take the survey.  Once upon a time, you believed that True Love was possible, let’s restore that dream.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could start a relationship with a healthy dose of hindsight leading the way?

Now that I am in my second marriage with a second soul mate, I have often thought how lucky I am to be getting a second chance to do things differently.

In my first marriage, I was so ill equipped.  My negotiating skills were non-existent and I lived in a constant state of anxiety trying to keep peace at any cost.

I mistakenly believed that if I could keep my husband from being mad, that I would live happily ever after. Sounds so weak and wimpy now, I cringe at the thought.

But in my 21 year old wisdom (bless me!) all I wanted to do was to live in a home where there was no fighting.  What resulted?

Two people who never talked about what mattered. Never talked about our dreams.  Never talked about our challenges.  Never talked.  I signed on for this.  I chose to be this way.

The Law of Attraction brought me the exact right partner.  I take full responsibility. When we divorced it broke my heart.  It was then, after my cushion of time to restore my confidence in myself after we broke up that I thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice if you could marry your second husband first.”

It sure would save a lot of time and complication.

Imagine if you knew the pitfalls to avoid. What if you had the confidence to stand in your own power and create a partnership that could withstand the tests of time?  What if you could beat the odds of the 50% divorce rate and create an ideal relationship?  I believe that is possible.  Not only possible, but probable.

Are you still waiting for that True Love to walk into your life?  Do you wish to enter a marriage with a game plan for lasting devotion?  If you are still reading this post, I know there is a part of you who is ready.  Ready to learn how to be a great second wife the first time around.

Take the time to prepave your next year.  Decide to create a list of deal makers and deal breakers.  Find a community of people who can support and believe with you.  The Law of Attraction will faithfully serve you as you come into alignment with your authentic self.

Curious about Love Sabotage? Take the Love Sabotage Survey and get educated!  http://EndLoveSabotage.com

Hey Guys,

Have an ex stalking you?

Why is it that a break up is only a break up for you?  Why won’t she just get it and stop texting you, calling you and showing up at your haunts?

There is an important step you can take that will cut off the relationship in a tangible way. Without this step, you just can’t finish the job and move on.  How do I know?

I was one of those very women.  After my marriage stumbled and crumbled, I met a fabulous man who seduced me with amazing skill.  I adored the attention.  He made me feel beautiful and sexy again.  The chemistry was red hot….the sidewalk could have melted under my feet.

We had 6 weeks of passionate and thrilling love making both in person and on the phone.  How much easier it would have been had he simply told me from the get go that he was looking for a sexual partner. Without that important piece of information, I read all kinds of meaning into his attention.  I began planning a future with him.  Big mistake.

He withdrew faster than a shooting star and disappeared.  Ouch.  Neither of us knew the power of the bonding hormones that trigger clinginess in women.  Guys, if you don’t want a woman clinging to you….wait before you invite her to bed.  We ladies become highly future focused after sex.  It is hard wired in us.

I watched my phone for text messages. I sent cute messages to try to attract the magic we had.  I was a pest and a pill. Ouch.  Now that I look back, seven years now, there is nothing left there.  I have moved on, even though it took monumental effort to disengage myself energetically and get him out of my mind.

Could he have helped me?  Yes, I think he could have.  Had he taken steps to cut the emotional and energetic ties between us.  I believe I would have lost interest sooner.

The moral of the story?  If you have an ex-girlfriend who is stalking you, you can do something about it.  Here are three practical steps:

1.  Write her a letter never to be sent. Tell her clearly and firmly that you are breaking the energetic ties between you.  As you write, allow yourself to imagine cutting the ties with her.  Send her good will and appreciation for the part of herself she trusted with you.  Once the letter is written, burn it.

2.  Visualize yourself and your ex separate and happy. At night before sleep, visualize your ex in a city a thousand miles away from you.  See her with another man.  See her happy and fulfilled.  If this is hard for you, it is even more necessary.  Part of you may enjoy her attention and you need to deal with this.

3.  Spend time alone for awhile before starting a new relationship. What did you learn from this ex?  Did she seem to change over time?  Did you?  As you evaluate what happened, you may want to create a new game plan for moving on and into a new relationship.  Learn about women in general.  We don’t mean to be obtuse.  It may be hard to figure us out, but I promise you, it is worth it!

Posted via email from catherine’s posterous

Five years ago, I was divorcing my husband, taking antidepressants by the fistful and in therapy to try to sort out the end of my nearly 30 year old marriage.

Today I am married again, packing my bags and leaving for Italy with the love of my life. We are celebrating our third anniversary in Tuscany.

I can only say….if this can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.

Life is continually amazing me with its unfolding brilliance!

Here is a word from Abraham Hicks for you today! I will be back in October with lots of fresh ideas for creating love!!!

“Come to understand that to the degree you FEEL blessed and expect good things to flow to you – this indicates the state of your allowing. You and how you FEEL is all that is responsible for whether you let in your inheritance of Well-Being of not. You can open the flood gates and let in your Well-Being. Whether you allow or resist it, the stream is constantly flowing to you, never ending, never tiring, always there for your reconsideration. Ask.”
Ask And It Is Given

Celebrating Love Everywhere!
Catherine

“Hey Darlin’, want to drive down to the beach and take a walk?”

“Not really,” he says keeping his eyes focused on the sports section.

“It is a beautiful afternoon and it will be cooler down there,” she says hopefully.

“Too much traffic and it will be a problem finding parking,” he says still focused on the sports section.

In true Snow White style, I used to allow scenarios like this to frustrate me. Feeling like my desires were being disregarded, I would feel anger somewhere in my belly and rather than deal with it, I would store it in some handy dandy inner receptacle, suck up my disappointment and withdraw from my partner emotionally. Hardly the pathway to a loving relationship.

Now I handle things differently. As much as I enjoy going places with my man…and I do, I even like going to Walgreens with him, I am starting to go more places alone and loving it! Yesterday, I took my little self right down to the ocean and enjoyed a beach walk…alone. I was alone with my thoughts and delighted with the people watching.

When I got home, I told him how much fun I had and how beautiful the ocean was. He asked about the parking and I told him it took a little time to find my spot, but not bad. He said “I don’t like the beach in the summer, it is too crowded. I prefer to go down there in the winter.” I said, “I like winter too, but it was fun watching all the different people enjoying the day.”

In my first marriage, I didn’t make the choice to do fun things on my own. If he didn’t want to go, then I didn’t do it. Slowly but surely, I built up some heavy duty resentment. I don’t know where I got the idea that a couple has to do everything together, but a part of me sure believed that was true.

These days my man and I enjoy our separate interests. If he is not up for something that I want us to do together, it doesn’t stop me from doing it myself. We do share beach walking from time to time and I love the hand holding romance of that, but you know what? The power and majesty of the ocean and the quietness of my thoughts when alone are pretty magnificent too.

When we met up at the end of the day, we went to Home Depot together to buy some supplies. Holding hands as we walked from the parking lot was sweet too, the view was just a bit more mundane!

I will keep inviting him to do things I want to do as a couple but I am not going to let his preferences keep me from having fun on my own! If I feel disappointed, that’s ok, I can find ways to tell him that. I find that just saying, “I need some Larry time” almost always opens him to me.

Learning to enjoy my own company,

Catherine

PS.  The very next week, my sweetie said to me, “Wanna go to the ocean for a walk?”  Imagine that!

Wonder if you are ready for true Soul Mate Love?  http://TakeTheSoulMateQuiz.com and find out right now!