Attract Your Soul Mate Now» divorce

Just One Single: It’s A Stacked Deck

Catherine — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 17:54:07 +0000

Today's Guest Blogger is Romance Writer Vicki Hopkins. She writes Just One Single: A Blog Dedicated to Those Who Are Divorced, Widowed or Never Married. Thanks, VIcki!

Ah, the single life. The only thing it seems to be saving me from these days is being the victim of infidelity. With all the news of happy marriages gone south due to infidelity on the part of the spouse, I don't have to deal with the broken heart of a Woods or Bullock. I often bemoan my lonely existence, but the alternative doesn't look much better.

I recently heard on the news that it is estimated that roughly 30-60% of all married individuals in the United States will engage in infidelity in their marriage and these are "conservative" estimates. On top of it folks, half of all marriages will end in divorce. There is only one thing to say – the deck is stacked against us singles.

With stats like that, I often fear entering into another relationship if that's the projected outcome. I already know that most second and third marriages have higher rates of failed marriages than first. I blame that on people taking their problems from marriage to marriage and not cleaning the suitcase of problems before they go on their next honeymoon.

However, even more disturbing is the fact that as you look at the person at the altar you're about to marry nowadays, there's a greater than 50% chance they're going to sleep with someone besides you! Gosh, what a horrible thought. My trust in the opposite sex is already at rock bottom thanks to my past experiences, so how does one trust again? I often thought too that my own religious beliefs would shield me from having to experience infidelity, but even the "faithful" are falling to temptation. There is no guarantee any longer.

I really must admit, I hate the world we live in these days. Perhaps that sounds sad, but I truly have lost faith. Morality my friends is a joke and though we think it has no consequences on society or upon us as individuals, it's quite apparent that it does. We're turning into a society of untrustworthy, deceitful, self-centered individuals that seek pleasure. And what does the pleasure bring us? Broken lives, broken families, and broken hearts.

Perhaps I'm on my soapbox today, but it's obvious after 10 years of singleness the deck is getting stacked higher and higher against me. I often thought after spending so many years without love that I've been dealt a bum hand in life. However, even if another hand is dealt me and I find someone to love, will it still be a bum hand? Hard to know if I'll ever find my King of Hearts now.

Okay, I'm done ranting. I have more problems – it's time for another oil change. Where are the men when you need them?

You can follow Vicki Hopkins right here: http://justonesingle.blogspot.com/

Posted via email from catherine’s posterous

Should You Stay Or Should You Go?

Catherine — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 07:26:58 +0000

A friend of mine is just separating from her husband and hearing the fatigue, depression and sadness in her voice triggered this question:

How do you know when it is time to let go of a decaying relationship? The word “decaying” may give you a clue. If you are miserable, exhausted and disenchanted with your relationship, chances are you are making a decision from a place of anger or fear.

Leaving a relationship is never easy, but if you do it with FEAR or ANGER being your motivator, you are setting yourself up to repeat your pattern with a new partner. The key to detaching yourself from a relationship that is no longer right for you, is to make your decision from a place of SELF LOVE instead.

How in the world do you get beyond the HURT, FEAR AND ANGER and find the SELF LOVE that is underneath it all? Believe it or not, it is easier than you think. It all starts with your thoughts.

The most powerful words I can share with you today are the FIVE WORDS THAT COMPLETELY CHANGED MY LIFE. Now, I am a bit dramatic and love the turn of a phrase but I am serious. These five words changed my life.

What You Focus On Expands. Period.

Chances are you have been focusing on your man’s faults. Not that I blame you, I used to do the same thing. In my first marriage, I didn’t know about the five magic words. I was an expert at my ex-husbands faults and not only did I focus on them, because I knew them so well (remember they expanded EVERYTIME I focused on them) I then made the “logical” next step….I began insisting he change those faults.

What a disaster! Through the divorce process, I searched and searched for answers. I never wanted to divorce and I had to figure out what had happened to our once loving relationship.

My search led me to Abraham Hicks and the teachings on the Law of Attraction. When I began to practice the Five Magic Words, choosing to focus on what I WANTED to expand, my whole perspective changed.

Now I am remarried and nearing our fourth anniversary, the blush of honeymoon passion has subsided and real life has settled in. I consciously choose to focus on Larry’s strengths, those things I truly admire. Even on a day when we are a bit cross with one another, my commitment to seeing only what I admire in him works like a charm to get MY focus where I want it to be.

So how does all of this relate to someone whose relationship is ending? If you are ready to leave your guy, good. You will find the whole process easier if you focus on what you WANT to see happening as you move on. Focus on your future and your dreams.

But…if you are stuck in the fear, depression, anger and sadness and yet still care for your partner, find a support system (even Al-Anon can be a port in a storm) and begin to build up your positivity. Leaving your relationship with more balance will help you move on more gracefully.

Besides, you don’t want to bring all of that emotional turmoil into your next relationship. How can you make this shift? Try these suggestions to create an exit strategy that works:

1. Begin each and every day telling yourself something (anything) positive. Stand in front of the mirror (Thank you Louise Hay) and tell yourself: “In this moment, I am safe and all is well.” or “You are looking good this morning!” or “I am proud of you.”

2. Take out the trash. Author Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way, suggests writing three pages of whatever comes tumbling out when you get up in the morning. She calls them Morning Pages. The idea is to truly dump and then to burn your pages. Amazing and powerful little tool. Spill your guts, speak from the heart, write it and burn it.

3. Find Connections. I have met the best people in meet up groups, at my area metaphysical bookstore and in classes and workshops. Before that, when I was really struggling, I met great people in online forums and in coaching clubs. Law of Attraction is amazing in bringing the exact right people into your life when you need them. Just reach out.

4. Take Responsibility. It takes two to tango. Begin to be honest with yourself. Yes, he has caused you a lot of headaches, bless him. But you have caused him a lot of angst too. I love H’ono p’ono, a Hawaiian healing method. All you do is repeat: I love you, Thank You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me. Place your hand on your heart and say these four things while thinking of your soon to be ex. You will feel waves of relief.

5. Accept The Lessons. I remember Oprah talking about a difficult situation. She asked, “What is the lesson here, let me learn it quick so I can move on.” What about you? Have you asked the Universe for the lesson? Try journaling by using both hands. With your dominant hand ask, “What is the lesson?” and with your non-dominant hand, write the answer. Then ask again and again until you hear something from your Inner Being that brings relief. Powerful tool.

Remember, you want to leave if that is the highest good, but more importantly, you want to leave with your dignity and your self concept intact. You can move through this time with power and grace. If I can do it, you can!

If Self Esteem is an issue for you, Check out Self Esteem is Irresistible Preview call September 9, at 9 pm eastern

Dreams Really Do Come True

Catherine — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 01:46:42 +0000

Five years ago, I was divorcing my husband, taking antidepressants by the fistful and in therapy to try to sort out the end of my nearly 30 year old marriage.

Today I am married again, packing my bags and leaving for Italy with the love of my life. We are celebrating our third anniversary in Tuscany.

I can only say….if this can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.

Life is continually amazing me with its unfolding brilliance!

Here is a word from Abraham Hicks for you today! I will be back in October with lots of fresh ideas for creating love!!!

“Come to understand that to the degree you FEEL blessed and expect good things to flow to you – this indicates the state of your allowing. You and how you FEEL is all that is responsible for whether you let in your inheritance of Well-Being of not. You can open the flood gates and let in your Well-Being. Whether you allow or resist it, the stream is constantly flowing to you, never ending, never tiring, always there for your reconsideration. Ask.”
Ask And It Is Given

Celebrating Love Everywhere!
Catherine