Well, it is 60 degrees and sunny here in Southern California and I am feeling nostalgic.

Milwaukee is due for a heavy snowfall before Christmas and my two adult children will be celebrating with their dad.We have been divorced for several years and everything has settled into place. My ex and I don’t see each other much but our kids enjoy a good relationship with each of us.

I’m happy about that but I still feel an echo of sadness that our original family didn’t have the lasting power I hoped it would.The first couple of times that the kids were with their dad on a holiday, I got blindsided by sadness.I was surprised because I really am happy that they all get along so well.

Larry seems to always say the right thing when I am feeling disjointed.He reminds me that it is normal to feel sad about missing what might have been.He has been divorced for years longer than me.He still feels left out at times when his son and family are busy with their mom.

What I wish for this Christmas, for me, my hubby and all of us, is that we can become nostalgic for holiday memories in the past and carefully pick and choose the images that were priceless.

None of us married with a plan to get divorced.Life meanders along and these things happen.How sad if we lose the preciousness of memories of our kids’ innocent holiday experiences.

So I am enjoying my nostalgia.Sure, I may cry a bit as I take the inner journey to the past. This year instead of picking on myself about it, I am going to pat my inner self on the back and say….”Good for you!You are feeling real feelings and you are going to pass through the sadness.”

So in celebration of the positive parts of my past, I am sharing some of my favorite holiday memories with you:

1. I was always up to the wee hours with Christmas details, procrastination was always an issue.One year, I swear I was only in bed for an hour and I heard something in the livingroom.I peeked out there and found my young daughter building the Barbie Ice Cream Parlor for herself in the glow of Christmas tree lights.It was tough to convince her that even though Santa had come, she needed to sleep for a couple more hours.

2. In later years, we always allowed the kids to empty their Christmas stockings without our presence so we could sleep in til it was light out.One of my most favorite memories was when the kids filled surprise stockings for their dad and me.I was moved to tears by the selection of thoughtful little surprises they picked.

3. Like my mom before me, I put out cookies and milk for Santa and a couple of carrots for the reindeer.In the morning, I laid out red paper footprints leading from the treats to the fireplace.Of course, my husband and I nibbled on the cookies and left a bit of carrot….evidence of the Big Guy’s visit.

4. Another family tradition was to put up the Christmas nativity scene early in December.I kept the baby Jesus until Christmas morning so the manger was empty.We encouraged the kids to report to us when they saw anyone in the house doing a good deed.The good deed doer had the privilege of putting a straw in the manger….so baby Jesus would be more comfortable.What a great way to turn the tables on the steady stream of tattle taling that went on.

5. Snow Ice Cream.Oh yes, I can remember this from my childhood and passing the tradition to my kids.When snow was freshly fallen, we would fill a coffee cup with the white stuff and then pour maple syrup on it!YUM!

What about you?Are there some Christmas traditions you recall with a smile on your face?

If Christmas is sad for you this year, I am sending a HUGE electronic hug to you.It may sting now but it will get better.I promise.No one can take the sweet memories from you.As my now husband says to me every year…part of your life with your ex was really good.We were all wide eyed and hopeful about our lives.If your marriage didn’t make it, accept it, forgive yourself for your part in it all and reach out to your friends for company.

Remember, what you focus on expands.If you catch yourself moping around, gently remind yourself to focus on something that makes you feel better.It will get easier.

It was a Christmas lesson I will never forget.

My kids were 5 and 6 years old and I was in the midst of my super woman days. I made all of my Christmas cards, decorated packages with glitter and bows, baked batches of Christmas cookies and volunteered to help with the school’s Holiday Pageant.

I couldn’t say no to anybody, so of course I ‘volunteered’ to collect donated food from the bowling league I belonged to. Having procrastinated a bit, it was now Monday of Christmas week and I was scrambling to find a place to donate the food.

Why, I don’t know, but every food pantry I called was closed or not accepting donations. I was exhausted and frustrated. Plus I was angry at my self for putting this off to the last minute and felt responsible to the group to get this food to needy people before Christmas.

After 10 phone calls, I finally found a connection to a Hmong family living in a depressed area of my city. Still clinging to the desire to teach my kids the true meaning of Christmas, I asked them to look in their rooms for a couple of books or outgrown toys to add to the food for this family of 12 I had found.

My kids brought me a handful of broken crayons.

Fiercely protective of their belongings, they were unable to understand the request. “But these are MY toys; I don’t want to give them away.”

Becoming more frustrated by the moment, I was becoming harsh with the kids and then of course was feeling guilty for being such a grouch.

I piled us all into the car, loaded all the food and off we went.

While on the way, my daughter asked where we were going and I tried to explain about the part of the city the family lived in and why things were tough for them. In the midst of my explanation, I mentioned that they lived on 34th street.

“Oh” she gasped with wonder, “Our own Miracle on 34th Street”.

My mood instantly melted as my heart registered with the truth of her observation. We were making a miracle, procrastination, broken crayons and all. The real meaning of Christmas WAS there….in spite of all my plans and explanations.

As we carried bag after bag of groceries into the house, the gratitude on the face of the pregnant mother of the brood was unmistakable. Understanding not a word of English, she kept thanking us over and over in her native language.

I wish you your own Miracle on 34th Street experience this year. I hope you are surprised by the wonder of the season in a totally unexpected way. Take time to look into someone’s eyes and let them know you care. Surprise someone with a handwritten note of thanks. Leave an extra large tip for the people that serve you.

Do Christmas different this year. You will love how you feel.

Disappointment sucks. The higher your hopes, the further the fall when disappointment hits. Can you avoid it? How do you take away the sting?

Let me tell you a story. Forty or fifty years ago, a little girl was getting ready for Christmas. She had spotted a pair of red patent leather shoes and in her heart of hearts that is all she wanted. She pictured herself wearing them as her friends oohed and ahed with admiration and jealousy.

Every time she walked by the store window in her little town, she stopped to admire those beautiful shoes.

When the big day finally arrived, she ran to the Christmas tree and sure enough, there was a shoe box shaped present with HER name on it!! Eagerly she waited for her mom to distribute the gifts. With bated breath she held the small box with the santa paper and red bow.

At last it was her turn, she tore through the paper and sure enough, is WAS a shoe box. Heart racing, she tossed away the lid and her heart sank in disbelief. In the box, wrapped in tissue was a jump rope. Too young to hide her disappointment, she burst into tears and ran out of the room.

Her mom, unaware of her secret wish, reacted as many of us do. She frowned and told her to be grateful, that other children had to do without at Christmas and that she should be ashamed of herself.

The roots of disappointment are deep in all of us. There is no escape. So it is a curse, right?

Nope, dead wrong. Disappointment can be an OPPORTUNITY. Tough things happen to each and everyone of us. Because our imaginations are so strong and we anticipate what we THINK will delight us, we set ourselves up for disappointment all the time. Why?

Because with each adult disappointment we can go back and relieve the remnants of childhood misperceptions. Countless times through our growing up years we are faced with making decisions on our child like perceptions.

One of these decisions is often….disappointment sucks and if I try hard enough, I will never be disappointed again. The problem with that decision is that it makes no sense at all.

Imagine if Walt Disney let disappointment stop him….would he have, could he have persevered through 299 bank loan denials before the 300th bank said yes?

Imagine if Thomas Edison let disappointment stop him before he finally succeeded in developing the light bulb?

Disappointment is a treasure. The worse it hurts, the more power there is under it to blast you to a new level of relationship success. Hiding from disappointment does not make it go away., it only paves the way for deeper pain the next time.

Learn to use the power in disappointment to unearth past hurts that are ready to be released. That was then and this is now. Make a new choice for yourself about the dramas of the past and you will find the patience and wisdom you need to talk to your man about what is bothering you.

Curious about you Love Sabotage Style?  Take the Sabotage Assessment right here: http://EndLoveSabotage.com

10. Whine about what your best friend got and how you never get anything you like.
9. Drag him to the mall with a notebook and stroll around pointing out things you like.
8. Remind him how much he botched the last three gift giving occasions.
7. Tell him how your last boyfriend always picked the best gifts for you.
6. Stop in front of every jewelry store and drool over diamonds.
5. Pick your favorite store and tell him a gift certificate from there is perfect.
3. Cut out pictures of things you like and tape them to his bathroom mirror.
2. Agree to a $25 limit and stick to it.
1. Ask him to plan a romantic evening for the two of you and surprise you!

Remember, he loves you. He knows that Christmas is special to you. He may just be insecure about buying you the perfect gift, especially if you want a ring. Be patient and kind. Praise him for being thoughtful and accept his gift with a sense of light heartedness and he will feel awesome for pleasing you!

Doesn’t it seem like the Grinch and Scrooge are stealing Christmas this year?

Santa Still Believes In Magic

And so do I.

I am THRILLED to bits to be presenting a three part class with my new and amazing friend Nan Akasha. We met in the spring when I took one of her classes on the Spirit of Money. She is an amazing teacher and coach who specializes in getting to the heart of self doubt and self sabotage! She rocks!!

We are giving the first class to you as our Christmas Gift to you! It is scheduled for this Wednesday night, December 3, at 8 eastern, 7 central and 5 pacific.

Who couldn’t use a little extra Holiday Cash?

Click here for all the details! http://tinyurl.com/5b7k5n

We know it is last minute but boy is it worth it!!

Special Holiday Gift Catalog

What a lucky girl I am!! My friend Bonnie Snyder invited me to put my CD story “Five Lost Secrets To Attracting Love” in her holiday gift catalog!

I am delighted to support her efforts and you can find my CD as well as other fabulous self care gift items right here:

http://www.serenitypathways.com/docs/sp_holiday_catalog_2008.pdf

Thanks so much for all of the love and support this year! Christmas may be a bit of a challenge for some of us this year but I have a little secret….

Love is always there. Love soothes. Love comforts. Love brings life when things look bleak. Trust in love.

Bless you!
Catherine