“How long has it been since you broke up?”

“Three years since he broke our engagement”  The somber woman reported.

“Three years?” I repeated.  “Have you dated at all since then?”

“I’ve tried but I keep meeting married guys or players.”

“Sounds like you are pretty discouraged.”

“I am.  But I am so ready to move on. I don’t want to waste another minute being mad at him anymore.  It’s just killing me!”  She said with an ironic laugh.  “I thought he was the one, I was wrong and I deserve another chance!”

“You bet you do!” I smiled. “Let’s talk about getting over Lost Love…..let me tell you about Monica.  She is a Scarlett too and  well….seeing is believing, take a look:”

I just got back from a fantastic visit with the most beautiful grandbaby on the planet. Of course, I always used to secretly roll my eyes (sorry buddies) when my friends became grandparents before me.  But now, I am as bad as any of them and yes, I DO have the most beautiful grandbaby ever.

A strange thing…your child having a child.  I met Brody when he was just one week old. I was struck by how utterly helpless he was.  If a fly landed on his nose, or his dog licked his face, he could do nothing about it, little arms waving around randomly in front of his face.

His skin was ridiculously soft, his eyes impossibly blue and he was my son’s child. I still feel so lucky to have met him when he was just one week on the planet.  Now, through the miracle of SKYPE, I can see him whenever I want.  When he kisses my face on the screen, it touches my heart….thank goodness for technology!

I met an Egyptian rental car agent this trip whose mother lives in Egypt.  He said to me, “I believe technology is a work of God.  My children want to see ‘Granny’ every day and they are bonded to her through SKYPE.” I agree.  Brody recognized me on the computer screen when he was not yet a year old!

So, what did this precious being teach me about anger?  Very simple.  When he is angry, there is no mystery in it.  Should his mommy disappear for even an instant….wailing that could wake the dead echoes through the house!

If his daddy leaves the room to get a coke, screams penetrate the room!  There is no thought.  There is no guarding against being inappropriate.  There is no self monitoring or self censoring. There is just a blood curdling scream!

When Brody is mad, everyone knows it!

Where did we lose our way?  When did it become illegal to be mad?  When did we start to censor ourselves and lock our strongest emotion inside our frail bodies?  We are suffering as a people.  We are overweight, diabetic, depressed, anxious, sick with any of a variety of maladies and we are mad. continue

A friend of mine is just separating from her husband and hearing the fatigue, depression and sadness in her voice triggered this question:

How do you know when it is time to let go of a decaying relationship? The word “decaying” may give you a clue.  If you are miserable, exhausted and disenchanted with your relationship, chances are you are making a decision from a place of anger or fear.

Leaving a relationship is never easy, but if you do it with FEAR or ANGER being your motivator, you are setting yourself up to repeat your pattern with a new partner. continue

“Hey Darlin’, want to drive down to the beach and take a walk?”

“Not really,” he says keeping his eyes focused on the sports section.

“It is a beautiful afternoon and it will be cooler down there,” she says hopefully.

“Too much traffic and it will be a problem finding parking,” he says still focused on the sports section.

In true Snow White style, I used to allow scenarios like this to frustrate me. Feeling like my desires were being disregarded, I would feel anger somewhere in my belly and rather than deal with it, I would store it in some handy dandy inner receptacle, suck up my disappointment and withdraw from my partner emotionally. Hardly the pathway to a loving relationship.

Now I handle things differently. As much as I enjoy going places with my man…and I do, I even like going to Walgreens with him, I am starting to go more places alone and loving it! Yesterday, I took my little self right down to the ocean and enjoyed a beach walk…alone. I was alone with my thoughts and delighted with the people watching.

When I got home, I told him how much fun I had and how beautiful the ocean was. He asked about the parking and I told him it took a little time to find my spot, but not bad. He said “I don’t like the beach in the summer, it is too crowded. I prefer to go down there in the winter.” I said, “I like winter too, but it was fun watching all the different people enjoying the day.”

In my first marriage, I didn’t make the choice to do fun things on my own. If he didn’t want to go, then I didn’t do it. Slowly but surely, I built up some heavy duty resentment. I don’t know where I got the idea that a couple has to do everything together, but a part of me sure believed that was true.

These days my man and I enjoy our separate interests. If he is not up for something that I want us to do together, it doesn’t stop me from doing it myself. We do share beach walking from time to time and I love the hand holding romance of that, but you know what? The power and majesty of the ocean and the quietness of my thoughts when alone are pretty magnificent too.

When we met up at the end of the day, we went to Home Depot together to buy some supplies. Holding hands as we walked from the parking lot was sweet too, the view was just a bit more mundane!

I will keep inviting him to do things I want to do as a couple but I am not going to let his preferences keep me from having fun on my own! If I feel disappointed, that’s ok, I can find ways to tell him that. I find that just saying, “I need some Larry time” almost always opens him to me.

Learning to enjoy my own company,

Catherine

PS.  The very next week, my sweetie said to me, “Wanna go to the ocean for a walk?”  Imagine that!

Wonder if you are ready for true Soul Mate Love?  http://TakeTheSoulMateQuiz.com and find out right now!