Stressing and Obsessing about that ex of yours has to come to an end. How badly do you want a guy who really treats you right?  Seriously, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you crave a forever partner?

Can you see how important it is to get control over your emotions?  How attractive are you when you are freaking out?

Guy Kayasaki in his FAB book Enchantment, describes an excellent boss who remains at the top of his game because he constantly reminds himself what a tough boss he is to work with.

You have to face the fact that you are a complicated package. You feel things deeply and don’t feel understood very often.  Don’t you get hurt feelings a lot of the time?  How attractive is that, right?

I recently got this question from a frustrated Rapunzel, one of my private members,  who has no trouble seeing her faults, in fact she has slipped to the other side of the equation and is ‘beating up on herself’ at her inability to stop stressing and obsessing.  Here is her note and my answer:

Dear Catherine,

Sometimes I start using EFT on an issue and then another becomes apparent and another and so on and then I feel very overwhelmed at which one I need to focus on, in other words, which issue is the core issue?

I then feel very frustrated and angry with myself for having so many issues and for not being tough enough to “get over myself”!

Is there an exercise that can help find the core issue so that I can focus on that? Does anyone else feel this way sometimes?

Hi Rapunzel,

Thanks for such a great question!

When you are tapping on a problem and another problem comes to your mind, we have a couple of things to hash out.

Here are some tips for creating a great tapping script when you are overwhelmed:

1. You will have easiest results when you get to as specific an incident to tap on as possible. For example, Bossy Betty at work is not good to tap on, the time Bossy Betty spilled coffee on the report you had been working on for three weeks is.  If you are not specific enough, your mind searches for something to hook on to and jumps all over the place.

2. If Bossy Betty is the problem, think of the last thing she did that really got to you. Then get out a notebook and write the thing down, in movie title form:

The Time Bossy Betty Spilled Coffee on the Report. (Sometimes my beloved Rapunzels point out to me that Bossy Betty does 100 things a day that are annoying. I know. But to kick start your brain into the pleasure zone, you have to pick one.)

Now ask yourself: What Bugs Me About That? Wait for the answer. Write it down and then ask the question again. Keep repeating until you reach the end.

This is magical brain detective work and will help you find what is really at the bottom of your reaction to Bossy Betty.

Here is an example:

The Time that Bitch Bossy Betty Ruined my Report. (A Little Drama Allowed)

What bugs me about that? I worked so hard on the thing.

What bugs me about that? Not only did I not get credit, now I have to start over.

What bugs me about that? Her stupidity

What bugs me about that? People should know better

What bugs me about that? People are so careless

What bugs me about that? People should care

What bugs me about that? People should care about how hard I work

What bugs me about that? They are taking advantage of me

What bugs me about that? I hate it here

What bugs me about that? I’m wasting so much time.

I recently heard a quote I love. Life is 20% what happens to you and 80% how you react to it. So, so true. Take your time and just keep asking the question over and over until you get the true answer.

Now you have the perfect EFT tapping script. Just go through the points tapping on each answer. Then finish with a round that says this or something like it:

“Thank you Universe that dingy Bossy Betty spilled the bleepin’ coffee on my report because if she didn’t, I wouldn’t have tracked down that place in my brain that hid the pain from me.

Thank you for showing me the parts of my brain that make me feel overwhelmed. Thank you for helping me calm and settle my brain chemistry.”

It might feel weird to use words like brain and brain chemistry when you are manifesting your soul mate but go ahead and do it anyway. Your brain is confused… programmed wrong….. it is the root of your love sabotage.

Life has conditioned your brain to act as if Love hurts and is potentially fatal (I know that is a little dramatic, but the Saboteur’s love it that way….that’s why you are still single!)

When you track down the grand daddy aha at the bottom of your questions, you then bring refreshing restorative pleasure brain chemicals into that very place. Sweet relief?

You bet, and remember, Abraham Hicks has been telling us for years that our number one goal should be relief. They are so so right!

You can train your brain to fall in love. Keep using all the tools you are learning. EFT is my personal favorite, however there are literally dozens of techniques you can use to change your brain’s chemical state.

Your job is to recognize when you are freaking out and deal with it as a physical brain issue first. This takes practice, but you can do it.  Once you relieve the stress chemicals and find relief, then make the decision that is freaking you out. Then for sure you will stop freaking out about your ex.

“I am tired of the Law of Attraction.”

“I do everything Abraham says and I am still single.”

“I am SO tired of being alone.”

Sound familiar? It can be searingly difficult to keep the faith with you are working with the Universal Laws. The books, audios and coaching programs all promise great results, so what’s up? Why can’t finding love be easier?

I hear you. Law of Attraction SOUNDS good when you hear it, doesn’t it? If you can learn how to magnetize yourself to love, your perfect match will ‘magically’ appear and your happily ever after is yours at last. Are you rolling your eyes? Great…keep reading!

There is a missing piece to the puzzle and if you are rolling your eyes….you are closer to the missing piece than you think! The one ingredient to manifesting success that flies under the radar and stays out of your view is…..

Are you ready for this? The very frustration you are feeling is the missing link! As you get more and more clear about what kind of relationship you want, you are actually stirring the pot of your past disappointments. This is natural and normal!!

Your brain has been conditioned to create thoughts contrary to loving connection. You read right. Your own brain chemistry is working against you and the only clue you have is your frustration. Why is that a problem?

Simple…Law of Attraction gurus teach you night and day that you must keep our vibration up at all costs, that you must place yourself in the mindset and mood of a happily married soul mate before you can be magnetic enough to have him show up. There is only one problem with that.

In order to create the feeling of mission accomplished before the mission is accomplished is to allow the negative thoughts have a voice. Depression, despair, anger, frustration, sadness, grief and loneliness are all real energies produced by our brains in response to life drama and trauma.

If you don’t recondition your brain to see these events differently….you are stuck in the waiting room forever!!!

Should you just give up? NO!! Your negative feelings are controlling your lackluster love life and there is a safe way to express them. Worrying that you will attract more negative results if you allow yourself to be negative is a trap! You must find away to change your thoughts about the painful past and retraining your brain is the fastest way to get that job done.

So what can you do?

Here are 5 Steps to Keeping Your Faith in The Law of Attraction While You Are Waiting for Love:

1. Don’t Deny Your Feelings: Seems simple, but is so important. When you are feeling blue or find yourself in a funk, don’t be too quick to run from those feelings. You are frustrated and I don’t blame you.

Let your feelings about your singleness have a voice. Now, you don’t want to go venting all over the place and speak all about it, but writing a list of the people who have disappointed you in love is a great step!

2. Evaluate which past relationship is the most painful: Think about a past breakup. Remember the time it happened and see if there is any regret, remorse or rejection still there. On a scale of 1 to 10, how strong are your feelings?

3. Lean into your feelings: One of my favorite techniques is a really simple one. After I have figured out the person whose betrayal is stirring me up at the moment, I get a pencil and paper and begin to write his or her first name.

I like using a pencil for this because when I am feeling a lot of intensity about the person, my handwriting shows the intensity. I write the name over and over. Amazing how feelings come up! You will feel yourself getting calmer until the exercise comes to a natural end. I usually start to misspell the name. That is my signal I am done.

4. Allow yourself to accept that person: Should they have broken your heart? No, of course not! But, most of those pesky early heartbreaks were not malicious, even though it may have felt that way at the time. Early relationships are hardwired for drama and trauma.

Can you think of a teenager who isn’t? See that person as someone who did not get you. He didn’t have the skills to let you down easy and he blew it. Seriously…would you want to still be with him? Your brain was trained to withdraw from love because of him and now you can let it go. Believe it or not, that name writing exercise is brain training!

5. You are the one who is the center of your own love universe: When you have control over your own reaction to past emotional hurt, you will shine with confidence! Relationships hurt. That is the way it is.

When you are scared of being hurt again, it is like putting someone else at the center of your love universe. Don’t let another minute go by allowing a long lost love control your future! Admit, allow and adopt your thinking about love and you will be MUCH happier with the LOA and all it offers!

xoxo

I get emails every week from people who say this to me: “I don’t want to be alone when I am old.” There is so much passion and desire and love that is longing to be poured out on another person.

Believe me, there are thousands of men out there looking for the someone exactly like you!! If you go back and read the first letter of my 5 steps, you will see the secret to success. Once you accept this secret as the Universe’s way to prepare you for love, you will see concrete evidence of Love coming into your life….I promise!

Curious about your personal Love Sabotage Style? Take the Sabotage Survey and find out! http://EndLoveSabotage.com

“I thought we had something real.” Jen sobbed.

“He was the most romantic man I had ever been with. He was so polite and showered me with gifts and flowers.”

“I didn’t want to sleep with him yet, but he seemed so perfect.” Her voice cracked again.

“What happened,” I asked gently.

“He changed completely. He stopped texting first and then before I knew what happened, he started flirting with other girls on Facebook, and now…”

Jen started to weep on the line.

So how do you tell that the Knight in Shining Armor who has shown up is True Blue? How can you see the Wolves in Sheep’s clothing before you get bitten?

All the answers you are looking for, all the vibrational energy you need, all of your potential is locked away in your Saboteur’s Domain.

Your Saboteur holds the Key to the Secret Kingdom in your heart. If you attract the Wolf in Sheep’s clothing instead of the Knight in Shining Armor, the reason is that a “Disappointment Magnet” is alive and well in your vibration.

Find out how to Demagnetize your Disappointment Magnet.

Don’t wait another moment to attract the love you ache for. You can magnetize yourself to love….you just need to know how!

Listen in to this FREE audio coaching session:

PS You can retrain your brain and change the neural pathways that are stuck in the rut of self hating thoughts.

PPSS The lonelier you are, the more your brain is feeding you ugly thoughts about yourself. No wonder Fear of Disappointment is such a strong force! You can change that, I will tell you how!

How to Stop Sabotaging Your Love Life Once and For All

The time is right to let go of a few of the ghosts of boyfriends past.

Don’t think you have any?  Here is how to check it out:

Think of a past breakup. Remember one particularly difficult day, perhaps a time when he said or did something especially hurtful. How bad was it at the time?  On a scale of 1 to 10, how intense was it?  Does it still have a sting today?  How strong is it on a scale of 1 to 10?

If you still feel sad, hurt or angry, guess what. You are still plugged into that very day energetically. It is like a part of yourself is living it over and over and over again.  This “ghost” from the past needs to go or Love will never find you.

Believe it or not, there is one simple idea that will change everything for you.

As simple as it sounds, the insight that will transform your love life forever is this:

The real barrier to attracting love is not outside you, but inside you in the hands of your Saboteur.

Even though you long for love, a part of you is sure it is impossible to have a truly great relationship. As a result, you actually push love away, repelling the wonderful men who are perfect matches—without even realizing it.

Once you can identify these inner obstacles to love and release yourself from the painful past, you’ll finally become magnetic to the love of your life.

Don’t spend one more minute just wishing for love!

Your deepest heart’s desire is possible.  You can learn to change your luck in love.  You just need the tools to retrain your brain so you trust yourself to fall in love once again!

When you learn how to End Love Sabotage, you will meet a whole different caliber of men. Once you prove to yourself that you are ready, the rest is easy.

Find out:

* Why you keep going back to the men who have broken up with you

* How to know if the man you are with is the One or if you should move on

* Where to look for your Soul Mate

* How to instantly change your mood whenever you need to

* How to find the real culprits…the grand daddy beliefs that are keeping love out of your life and releasing them once and for all!

* How to speak Sabotese:  The Language of Attraction that Your Saboteur Will Trust and Embrace

* How to set an intention for love that works

* The biggest mistake you’re making when it comes to men and how to stop making it

* How to activate your personal magnetism to draw your new love toward you instead of sending him to the arms of another

* Why Affirmations don’t work and tools you need to create powerful Magnetic Statements that get real results

* How to awaken and engage your intuition and imagination so you work With Universal Laws, not against them.

*Now that your love vibe is changing what to do differently to meet Mr. Right

The End Love Sabotage System is the driving force in the Soul Mate Success Circle. Every week there is a teleseminar event and students are invited to participate every call.  Not only that, for a small fee, you can take a risk free trial to see if it is what you are looking for:

Check it out for $9.97 for first month

then $47 monthly. (Value: $197 per month)

Click Here To Register:

Imagine a “Love Vitamin” to start your day.

Even though it is only a minute and a half, this video is a high vibrating tuning fork for your Love Vibe!

See if you feel warm, tingly or excited with happiness when you see it….breathe into the feelings. Enjoy them. How strong are they? Can you ‘turn up the volume’ and maximize the feeling? If you want to deepen the experience, tap on the collar bone point as you are watching.

If you feel sad or annoyed at the video…what an ‘aha’! That is your Saboteur reminding you of how hard your path toward love has been. Don’t despair! I am planning a one day class in March to help!!

When you are truly ready for love, you will feel it with your heart. Trust your Inner Being to lead you to your Heart’s Desire.

Snow White? Or maybe Rapunzel. Could Scarlett O’Hara be your sabotage style? Take the http://budurl.com/lovesabotage and find out right now!

Does your score card for Valentine’s Day have more losses than wins?

Did it start back in grade school when you didn’t get as many cards as the other kids?

Have you ever been dumped right before the big day?

Did you know that more breakups happen in January than any other month?

This time of year can be pretty tough and I have a feeling that you have seen more than your share of drama and trauma.  If cynicism, disappointment or remorse is creeping into your Valentine’s Day Mindset, it doesn’t feel very good does it.

If you feel snarky and lonely and annoyed at just about everything, these days, you might have S.A.D. (Seasonal Alignment Disorder). Here are a few symptoms:

* You gag at a kiss belongs to Kaye Jewelry commercials.

* You hate the greeting card companies for conspiring with the florists to feed the egos of the sappy girls who don’t even know how to appreciate the men they have.

* You remember the boyfriend who cheated and betrayed you and make snarky comments about his new girl.

* You rent a sappy romance and watch it with a box of kleenex, a pound of chocolate and a bottle of red wine and have a pity party.

* You say you don’t care this year because you need to lose 10 pounds like someone would want to be with you now anyway.

* You think what year it is and you wonder…”Is it too late for me?” and “Why is it fair that girl gets to have her man?” or “Can I still have a family?”

Sound familiar? Don’t give up. You can put the S.A.D. monster into its place. All you need is to find something to distract your self.  When you get control of your thinking you can remind yourself that you are doing really very well, (you are you know).

Keeping yourself magnetized for love when you are feeling blue or when your chips are down is possible. You just need to know how to break through your self sabotage habits so you can finally open your heart again.

As Abraham Hicks repeats tirelessly, once you get your self back into alignment, you will always feel so much better! In English?  Don’t let yourself wallow in the dreaded victim vibe.  Find your True Love Saboteur and seduce her into cooperating with you.

I want to help you feel better about love so I have a special no cost resource for you! I recorded  a special Valentine’s Day 911 call, actually two of them, and they are my gift to anyone who wants to Feel Loved on Valentine’s Day.

Whether you are a Snow White, Rapunzel, Sleeping Beauty or Scarlett O’Hara, you will profit from this recording. Each type learns a bit differently and all can learn from each other. A little laughter, a little teaching and a virtual hug keeps your love magnet vibing strong.

I answered lots of your questions about attracting love and the Law of Attraction.  Watch for future calls, I would love to meet you too!

Just register right here and you will get instant access to the two recordings from Valentine’s 911 in 2011.

♥  ♥  ♥

Are you still broken hearted from your ex three exes ago?   Now is the perfect chance to experience the magic…for less than a dinner and a movie! Get the break through you need. For only $47 you can listen in and work with me monthly in virtual coaching events. Members also have access to my text classroom where I hang out weekly    answering questions and leading text EFT tapping. I’d love to meet you there!  SoulMateSuccessCircle

“I never cry.”  The young woman sitting across from me was clearly uncomfortable. Sharing the story of her dad’s recent death, she struggled to hold herself together.

“Why do you think you block your tears?” I asked. “I hate being weak,” she responded quickly and a bit defensively.

“I have been on my own since I was a kid and there is no time for falling apart.”  Instantly back in control, she changed the subject as the waiter brought our coffee.

Did you know that women cry an average of 5.3 times a month? For years I didn’t cry for months at a time.  I, like the young woman from above, was actually proud of the fact that I didn’t cry.

Years of anger, frustrated dreams and broken relationships had sealed my tears within.  When I felt the familiar lump in my throat, I never allowed the tears that were calling to be shed to flow.  I was too strong for that.

Little did I know that men actually do cry….only 1.4 times a month, but that tears flow for them too. Somehow I had decided that crying was something I could do without.  Hmmm. Amazing how you can believe something that is so untrue. Do you believe that crying is weak?  Does crying make you uncomfortable?  Do you have a good cry at least once a month?

If not, you are missing out on an important “Love Potion” that your own amazing body is designed to provide.

Abraham Hicks teaches that the ultimate goal for your mindset is “Well-Being.”  They have been teaching this simple truth for years.  Now I LOVE Abraham, as you know, and I also teach the positivity message.  Well today I have news for you.

TEARS ARE NOT NEGATIVE!

What? Isn’t sadness a low vibrating emotion?  Aren’t you supposed to pivot and change your mindset ASAP so you can be in high vibrating well being?  Yes and no….

Crying actually improves your well-being. It releases stress hormones from the body and increases the level of the body’s natural pain-killers endorphins. According to William Frey, former Research Director of the St. Paul-Ramsey Dry Eye and Tear Research Center, emotional tears contain: Leucine-enkephalin, a mood-elevating endorphin, ACTH, a hormone that is a reliable indicator of stress and Prolactin, the hormone that regulates milk production in mammals. (Thanks Dr. Brit Brogaard http://LovesickLove.com)

What does all this science talk prove? It shows that crying your eyes out will actually usher you into a feeling of well-being. And well-being is the state of Love.  Let me repeat that.  Well-Being equals Love.  That means that your very own tears, that you can choose to release, are a Self Love Potion.

You may be conditioned to believe that the only way to feel Love is from another person’s attention.  Can’t blame you there…look at what TV and movies have taught about Love.  But the fact is, feeling loved is an inside job.  And there is no stronger attraction than well-being.  A woman in that state is irresistible.

The biggest single secret that I teach my clients is that they can feel loved completely before a man shows up.  How?  It is that very feeling of well-being that guarantees it.  So if you are one who routinely ignores the lump in your throat and doesn’t cry more than once a year or so, here are some thoughts for the day:

5 Keys to Finding and Using Your Magical Love Potion

1.  Crying is not, I repeat, not a sign of weakness. Whatever made you choose to believe this complete untruth, it is time to break it.  You need the Love Potion of tears.  You will never get your man without them.  I know that is strong, but you guys know I am the kind of coach that holds your feet to the fire.  If you want to be irresistible, you must change this belief.

2.  The experience of ‘broken-heartedness’ is not fatal. It is natural and good to feel your broken heart.  The trick is not to dwell there.  Allow the feelings to flow.  Write a letter to the person who is bringing that feeling up in you.  The young woman in the above story could write to her dad, even though he is gone.

I like to write fast and furious, letting my emotions flow on to the paper.  I then burn the pages. There is something deep in the human heart that feels comfort in rituals.  Share your feelings with the Divine and then let them go.  What you are experiencing is real and if you hide from your broken-heartedness, the lump in your throat won’t let you forget.

3.  If you wallow in the emotions as the tears are flowing, you are not going to attract negativity. You need your tears.  You also need to wallow in self pity now and then.  It is just a rest stop along your way to manifesting the positivity you crave.  A good cry is like a thunderstorm.

Just like you hear thunder in the distance as a storm approaches, your body will start to feel a cry coming on. Your throat gets tight, eyes tingle, nose starts to stop up.  Then the storm comes and it feels violent at times as your body convulses in weeping.  But weeping never lasts forever.

I used to think that if I started to cry, I would never stop. Another absolutely wrong but real belief I lived with. After a thunderstorm, the air is clear and clean.  Just like your sense of well-being….clear and clean.  And you know the power clarity brings to the Law of Attraction, right?

4.  If tears are not easy for you, you can trigger them. There is also a difference in how men and women cry. Men cry quietly and neatly, mostly in private and typically only when the losses are great. Women more often cry in public and they don’t always cry neatly.  It may be easier for you to cry in private.  That is fine.

I have a colleague who rents a sad movie when she needs a good cry.  She gets a box of kleenex, cuddles under a blanket and has a full blown crying jag for the sake of the people in the movie.  Some good ones are:  Finding Neverland, Forever Young, Terms of Endearment, Schindler’s List or my all time fav…Hoosiers.

5.  This Love Potion is really magic and you need it to manifest the love of your life. If you are not crying regularly, you are setting yourself up for trouble.  When you do open your heart to your new love, the backlog of disappointment and hurt is going to come out.  It is going to look like it is His Fault.  You can see where I am going here.  Make a plan to cry your little heart out once a month.  A good solid boohoo will lift you into a new appreciation and experience of well-being.  I promise.

Oh, by the way, how did this natural and powerful Love Potion change me? After years of not enough tears being shed, I ended up in a health crisis that nearly did me in.  Three years ago, laying in bed and healing from a serious illness, I cried and cried and cried.  I found a pocket of resentment I didn’t know I had.  Being Snow White and dedicated to being seen as cheerful and positive, I had never allowed myself to see the resentment hiding behind my “strength.”

Now that I know the science behind tears, the beautiful, gentle and natural Love Potion given to us by the Divine, I have new respect for the power of those positive brain stimulated body chemicals. I cry now, whenever the urge strikes.  I am not thrilled when I have what Oprah calls, the “ugly cry”.  It always happens when I don’t wear water proof mascara.  But I never have that huge awful lump in my throat anymore and that feels amazing.

Ready for love?  http://TakeTheSoulmateQuiz.com and find out right now!

Even if you still feel alone in your quest to find your Soul Mate, there is help out there! I just happened upon (wink, wink) this video this morning. You can easily use this Focus Wheel practice no matter what stage you are in…single to long term marriage!

I suggest that you create the focus wheel right along with the volunteer in the video. Just write exactly what Esther cues him to write. Watch how you feel going through the exercise. Remember, your true manifestation power is in how well you feel your body’s sense of engagement in the exercise.

In other words, goose bumps, shivers, to yawning and relaxing your whole body…. Radical Well Being has a personal signature. Once you start feeling it, it is so much easier to coax your thoughts in that direction.

Enjoy!

Try this.  Stand in front of the mirror and say “I trust you completely” while looking into your own eyes.

You will learn something about yourself.

I have had some issues in the trust department.  Seems some of people I chose to open up to ended up being temporary people in my life. People who just passed through on their way to somewhere else.

My biggest hurts have come from the decisions I made to judge these abbreviated relationships as wrong.  They weren’t wrong as much as they were just different than what I expected and hoped for.

I have longed for closeness and connection for most of my life and yet I have also struggled to be open and vulnerable. I remember being shocked to learn that if I wanted a man who was open, vulnerable and emotionally available, there was one big obstacle I had to get around first. I needed to be willing to be open, vulnerable and emotionally available myself. Yikes.

My relationships are like a house of mirrors. Some of what I see still scares me and I feel I am careening like a ball in a pin ball machine.  I am also beginning to see humor in other relationships and I am laughing more at the sheer silliness of some of the daily drama.

To think….it is only reflections of me distorted by imperfections in the glass. I am seeing myself differently when I review my steps to see what got me here. I am attracting more and more of Larry’s gentlest and kindest self and it is delicious.

If you are one who answered no to my question and you don’t trust anyone yet.  And you know this is true even though you wish it wasn’t.  I have a bit of cheer leading for you. You will be amazed at how easy it can be to take baby steps in opening yourself up to the right person.

As you move forward using the principles of the Law of Attraction and tuning in with clarity and passion, you are going to attract the highest and best of the people who cross your path.

There will be a person who shows up to help  you practice your skills. You will know this person because of how wonderful you feel when you spend time together.  I know you have been hurt before when you trusted someone but you are different now.

You are stronger and you always land on your feet. Go ahead and move toward a friendship.  Take it slow and enjoy getting to know the other person.  Everyone has a story, take time to listen to this new person’s story.  Ask a lot of questions.

If everything feels smooth, lean in to the connection a little and test the waters. You will be surprised how easy it is to attract the highest and best in people.  Practicing kindness and curiosity is the quickest and easiest way to form mutually beneficial connections.

Building trust is the very best investment you can make.

“And before you know it, you’ll mostly be in appreciation. And that’s such a nice place to live.”  And So It Definitely Is!   Abraham Hicks

Posted via email from catherine’s posterous