Saboteur

“What makes you think you are sabotaging?”  I asked.

“I keep attracting the opposite of what I want.”  The quiet voice said on the other end of the phone.  “Ever since my ex cheated with my best friend, I have been stuck in one dead end relationship after another.”

“Nice men are not attractive to me…they seem boring.”

Sound familiar?  You might be a Sleeping Beauty stuck in a nightmare of lost love and disappointment.  Check it out:

The Sleeping Beauty Saboteur Stage

Sleeping Beauty, if you recall, was a princess sleeping in a thorn wrapped castle waiting for the Prince to kiss her and wake her up. Each of my Saboteur types, Snow White, Rapunzel and Scarlett O’Hara all go through Sleeping Beauty stages as they learn how to let Love find them.

You see, if True Love Sabotage is activated within you, you are actually INVISIBLE to the men who would enchant your heart.

Sleeping Beauty does not see her beauty, her promise, her power or her magic.  Here are some signs that you may be a Sleeping Beauty:

• Compulsive behaviour of any kind:  drinking, smoking, internet, shopping

• No dates in over 5 years

• Blaming your ex for the damage both suffered in relationship

• Attracting the exact opposite of the kinds of men you really want to date

• Rigid standards for yourself in business and in daily life, you may feel trapped in the perfectionism you have created

• Attracting unavailable men, married or living in a different country

• Rampant self hatred and an inner dialog of harsh criticism

• Stalking an ex

• Accepting Bootie Calls

• Frustratingly slow results with the Law of Attraction

• A deep feeling of hopelessness and self pity

• A knowing that no matter how hard you try to hide it, you know you are desperate for love, family and connection

The True Beauty of Your Slumbering Self is that your determination and resolve to find Love won’t let you give up. You are taking action to identify what your obstacles are to finding love. Your intuition is weak when it comes to reading people and once you strengthen it, your confidence will fly. Your Saboteur is anxious and it is hard for her to trust.

Sleeping Beauties are fabulous Soul Mates in the Making. While they sparkle with appeal and may attract men without difficulty, they are not able to send strong roots down and anchor themselves in a relationship. These Beauties are waiting for an Inner Nudge, an inner alarm that will wake them to the woman they have yet to become.

Once you awaken the hidden gifts in your true Saboteur Style (Scarlett, Rapunzel or Snow White), latent talents and intuitive abilities, you will be irresistible to True Love. What’s Next?

Recognizing your Sabotage Style will change your Love Life forever. You CAN find true love but your journey starts with YOU.  Build self confidence and learn to embrace your True Love Saboteur….she is aching for your love and attention.  Only you can write a new ending to your story.

Ready to wake up?  Take The Soul Mate Assessment:  http://EndLoveSabotage.com

“Why can’t I just let go?”

“A part of me cannot see why I need to.  I want it to work out between us even though I know he isn’t the one.”

I heard the sound of quiet weeping on the other end of the phone.

“Is there anything in you that whispers that he might truly change and that you would feel valued, respected and loved?” I asked gently.

“No.” Sighed Sarah. “I think I am afraid that no one else will come.”

I could sense her throat tightening up and feel her tear as it began to touch her cheek. I am able to feel my clients feelings. At first, I feel them when they feel nothing.

I know that is a little weird, but it is true. By the end of our work together, Sarah was able to feel the feelings too. We could resonate together and feel the pulse of life in a cool way.

This Rapunzel like the others before her have been deeply hurt by betrayal and lies. Fear and anger were like the mortar holding her tower of protection into place.

She sabotages by isolating herself, even when she is with someone.  The problem is that the tower is single occupancy and there will never be room for a soul mate to move in.

Once Sarah could let go of her lost dreams and hopes, she began to build a new tower for herself. A Tower with bricks of self acceptance and self compassion with a mortar of love and peace.  Now she is engaged.  Good for you, Sarah!

When you learn to feel what being loved and accepted feels like, really feels like, you won’t be able to settle anymore. You already have experiences within your tapestry of memories of exquisite moments.

Moments like being acknowledged publicly at work or school, cheered on at a toddler ballet recital, wept over by your emotional mom while you played a viola piece you loved or the first powerful and oh so innocent crush on that first guy.

The problem is that those great memories are hidden in the dark complication of the remorse, regrets and rejection in the years between then and now. The flow of these three invisible energetic forces, Regret, Remorse and Rejection is a raging river separating you from your own core.

You are separated from the center of your own heart. You on one side of that river, your heart on the other. Without your heart, you cannot attract your true love.

Even though you have your vision board and are saying affirmations and you are claiming that you are ready for love, you are radiating loneliness, disappointment and emptiness on an energetic level.  And girl, you have to do something about that.

This raging river of ill will toward men in general and romance in particular, rushing through your emotions, is dominating your choices, your language, your mood and your reactions to life circumstances. It controls your love life by attracting men who have raging rivers of their own.

These relationships are certain to fall apart when the pain each person feels is blamed, consciously or unconsciously on the other. Then you get into a vicious cycle and the river rages stronger and stronger.

EFT is the best tool I know to neutralize that river….calm it down and transform it into Peace, Detachment and Acceptance. Once the forces within you are operating in calmness and ease, and the inner river is flowing easily with no stress, memories from the past that hold real creative juice will come forward.

You already have every thing you need to feel the deep magnetism that assures you that you are loved. The power of past love and disappointment is the block needing your attention.

Knowing you are ok and everything is progressing along at its perfect rate is hard, Rapunzel, I know you are tired of waiting. Your expectations can easily get inflated setting yourself up for disappointment.

Tell yourself things like this: “My life is unfolding at the exact right pace.” “I am learning to see good things that are coming my way…even if they are tiny.” “I want to feel happy”. “Being happy feels really good.” Even if it doesn’t feel like it is doing any good. It is. Your ears need to hear your voice carrying this positivity to your brain.

Once you radiate your authentic self, free of any fears of criticism or ridicule, you’re there. There is someone out there who is looking for exactly that….your real and true adorable self.

He is out there, Sweet Rapunzel, don’t compromise what is most precious to you to stay with a man. Be a soul mate to your own Soul first, then you are ready to be open to Your True Love, you will feel it clearly.

Can you relate?  Wonder if you might be a Rapunzel?  Take the Love Sabotage Assessment and check it out for free:  http://EndLoveSabotage.com

“Your ears are horrible.”His voice echoes in her ears 25 years later.

“You’ll never make it in this business looking like that.”

Years of painful memories from cruel childhood bullies come flooding back every time Denise remembers that agent’s abrupt appraisal of her ears.

“F–k him”, she thought.  “F–k him”. Barbra Streisand never fixed her nose, of course, Barbra didn’t have her ears. Terrified of losing her opportunity, she allowed the cruel man to push her and manipulate her from that day forward.

Ever since that day, her ears never appeared in public again. Even though she had surgery years ago to ‘pin’ the little devils into more appropriate posture, she still cowered in fear of an old picture from 6th grade popping up.  For some reason, her mom rejoiced in plaiting her hair into tight strings against her scalp for picture day.

Blessed with gorgeous hair, she wore it down and long, causing immense jealousy among her friends.In fact, her friends couldn’t possibly understand the huge fear of rejection that their compliments refused to soothe.

In fact, she was tired of hearing the string of comments she heard from every one.  ”How can you still be single?”  ”You are beautiful.”  ”You would be a great wife.”  Or the worst one of all,  ”You know, these days, being a successful single woman is more accepted than ever.”

Maybe they are right, she would think, maybe there is no one for me out there. It’s true that her life looks charmed from the outside looking in.  A successful TV anchor woman, Denise had traveled the world and was highly respected.

With a personal stylist and hair and makeup taken care of every day, she always appeared at her very best.  Little did her fans know how deeply insecure she felt without her entourage, makeup and wardrobe.

“What’s wrong with me?”  she said to her reflection in the mirror. At 45, she knew the network was interviewing younger, bustier women and she could see the handwriting on the wall.  All Denise wanted, all she had dreamed about her whole life was a husband.  Truth be known, she would have given up her whole career, to have the one thing she never found.

Why is True Love so very hard for some women to find? Denise is a Rapunzel and if you look into her past, you might find the clues, really the steps that she took that built that tower…one brick at a time.  Just like the fairy tale, the inner tower of safety she has built for herself for safety, now holds her prisoner.

That agent wasn’t the first person who rudely picked at her appearance. Her own mother used to tell her, “You look like death warmed over….go put on some makeup.”  Her father had taken off when she was 2 and her mom hated him.  She told Denise time and again, “Don’t trust men.  They will take what they want and throw you away when they are done.”

Fear and hurt served as the mortar between the brick after brick of disappointment in all of her relationships. Both boyfriends and girlfriends filled her life with drama in her school years.  Her natural good looks got her all kinds of attention, but she never felt beautiful so she always assumed people were just being nice or flat out lying.

Now, at 45, Denise is brittle, disappointed and hopeless.

Is there hope for Rapunzel? In a word, yes.  But Rapunzel has her work cut out for her.  In order to find the Love she has always longed for, Rapunzel must open up to the good opinions of others and AGREE with them.  She must stop beating herself up on the inside.

The most ironic and poignant part of all of this is that she has become her own worst enemy and her inner talk is laced with the same bullying she endured as a young person. If you can relate to Denise’s story, here are some action steps you can right now to start dismantling your defenses and let Love in:

1.  Accept Compliments. You have probably heard this before, but for Rapunzel’s this is critical.  When someone compliments you, I want you to say to yourself, “They are right, I do have beautiful hair, a great outfit, a fab sense of humor.”  Whatever is praised in you, you must start AGREEING with them.  Your default reaction is to DISAGREE with all kindness sent your way.  Stop that today.

2.  Write a Letter. Rapunzel, you have been through more hurt than is fair.  You know it, I know it.  Write a letter to your 16 year old self and tell her what you have learned so far.  Give her advice.  Encourage your 16 year old the way no one else did.  Then, write a letter to your 21 year old self. And then, write a letter to the one who let the great guy get away.  Personally, I love to burn the letters I write…a ceremony between me and me.

3.  Be Mad. This is one of my very favorite techniques.  Get a piece of paper and a couple of pens.  Think back and bring someone to mind who was mean or unkind to you.  All you do is write that person’s first name…over and over and over.  As you write it, notice your feelings.  You might notice your grip on the pen gets tighter.  You might notice your belly tighten or your chest ache.  Just notice.  You will notice that as you go on, you will reach an end.  Then think of another person and do the same.  Again, burning the papers is recommended….in a safe place of course.  I have a metal Burning Bowl I use for these exercises.

4.  Forgive Yourself. This is a crucial step.  Sure you are still single, I know, but you have to let yourself off the hook.  You have done the best you can.  Remember that she may be misinformed, but your Saboteur is sure that being alone is better for you.  Now that you are getting this information and these tools, you can change your course.  Tell yourself everyday, “Even though I have locked my heart away in the past, I am ready to open my life to new possibilities.”

5.  Let Down Your Hair. Rapunzel, you are deeply in need of FUN!  What are you doing in your life right now that is pleasurable and fun?  Think back to things you liked to do when you were 10 years old.  Were you a roller skater, bike rider, tree climber, beach walker?  Rent your favorite comedies on TV and laugh your ass off.  Fill your heart with laughter and your Love Vibe will leap into flame!

XOXO

How about you, do you wonder which Saboteur you are?  Check it out:

http://www.attractyoursoulmatenow.com/blog/true-love-saboteur-assessment/

Shhhhh.   This is one of your True Love Saboteur’s secret weapons…she knows that without these two words, your soul mate search can’t get any traction. Don’t tell her I spilled the beans, ok?

There are two words that pretty much guarantee your success in finding a mate.

Two little words that can make all the difference in the world.  Without these two words in your vocabulary, you are doomed to repeat the crummy old pattern and your single life gets slowly but surely cemented in place.  What are they? continue

When it comes to self-sabotage, every unmarried woman has a style that “works” for her.
(When you looked in the mirror this morning, did a single girl look back at you?)  From frivolous deal breakers to being consumed by your career, are you putting your love life at the end of your list?  If you are not careful, years can slip by and leave you without a partner.  Is it too late?  NO!

Once you know what your Saboteur style is, you can make an action plan and change your fate. There is no shortage of Love.  And, there are more than enough single guys out there searching for their mate.  Men don’t do very well single.  They crave the companionship, intimacy and connection they don’t get with their male buddies.If you are aching to find love but terrified of being hurt or disappointed, you may resonate with the Rapunzel style of sabotage.  Take a peek and see what you think:

Rapunzel

• Natural beauty but blind to it.  Doesn’t see herself the way others see her.

• In a dead end loop driven by her need to feel in control and safe yet wanting to belong to someone forever. continue

Who me?  Self Sabotage?

Still single?  Yes….self sabotage. Can you accept that a part of you is terrified of being disappointed….again.

Somehow, your Saboteur has gotten the idea that you are safest living alone. She is convinced that you would rather be alone than happy.  Ouch.  Doubtful?  How do YOU explain how you have manifested singleness over all these years….and done it so completely?

The True Love Saboteurs each have a sabotage style unique to their personalities. Whether you are a Rapunzel, Snow White or Scarlett O’Hara, you will change your luck in love once you know your own sabotage style.  There is really good news here.  Your Saboteur is the most powerful manifester you are likely to meet. Think about it, you have manifested singleness in spite of all your efforts to be find your True Love.

Once you seduce your Saboteur and get her to work on your side, what might be possible for you?

Ladies, it is my pleasure to introduce you to True Love Saboteur Snow White:

continue

Isn’t it time you DID give a damn?

Ladies, it is my pleasure to introduce you to True Love Saboteur Scarlett O’Hara: continue

I am a life long Marie Osmond fan. I tuned into Oprah today and was moved with the audience as Marie candidly discussed the suicide of her 18 year old son last winter. The pain, still at the surface, was difficult for her to control. She bravely carried on as she wanted to inspire and encourage others with her story.

It touched me when she apologized, more than once, for her very natural display of emotion. When she sang the Agnus Dei to memorialize Michael at the end of the show, she needed to stop and start again. Once again, she apologized. Not a person in the audience expected or needed that apology. We all just loved her and wanted to support her. Once again, I committed to releasing myself from my manic need to say “I’m sorry.”

Marie was asked point blank about the abuse allegations in the press regarding her ex-husband. She handled the question with dignity. The fact that her children would not have attended Michael’s funeral if the ex was going to be there speaks for itself. The ex didn’t attend.

Marie, the Snow White trooper that she is, was back on stage within days of her sons death. As she said it, her comfort zone is the stage. After performing for 48 years, it is her place of love. It is her passion. And it is healing.

If you saw that program, didn’t you just want to rush the stage and hug this fragile, beautiful woman? Similar to other Snow Whites, she has poured out her life focusing on others. Her eight, count them, eight children, her audiences, her brothers, her mom and dad (she prepared their bodies for burial as well as her son’s), the press, QVC, etc. etc. etc. If you look up sweet in the dictionary….her pic would be there!

Marie says she is in menopause so men are on pause. I like that. I see in her the resolve to find peace and healing in her own being. When asked how she linked up with her ex, a man so clearly not good for her, she said she was exhausted at the time she chose him. Good lesson there.

Snow Whites are amazingly strong and resilient. They take a licking and keep on ticking. They are the warm nurturers and care so deeply about the welfare of their dear ones that they often lose themselves in the process. It takes a mighty kick in the ass to get Snow White’s to slow down enough to ask themselves what they really, really want.

Can you relate? If you are a Snow White, be kind to yourself today. Look in the mirror and tell yourself just how special you are, because you need to hear your own mouth say it. If you get a chance to see the segment on Oprah…hold Marie in the light.

And Snow White? I think it is time for you to let the dwarves take care of you for awhile!

Curious about your Sabotage Style? Take The Sabotage Assessment right here: http://budurl.com/LoveSabotage

Have you been curious about which Saboteur most resonates with you?

Now is your chance to find out.Listen to this  30 minute recording and Meet The Soul Mate Saboteurs. You will hear three women, a Snow White, a Rapunzel and a Scarlett O’Hara candidly discuss their trials and tribulations in find and holding on to True Love.

Attention: Snow Whites, Rapunzels, Sleeping Beauties and Scarlett O’Haras,

When Monica wrote to tell me she was pregnant, I was shocked and thrilled for her. At 42, She had broken 7 engagements before meeting her soul mate on a blind date nearly 18 months after her Saboteur was transformed. Today she has a two month old princess of her own and her dreams are coming true. A Scarlett through and through, amazing magic happened when she used these tools!

Could your dreams be the next to come true? It is true that your Inner Saboteur has manifested singleness for you with amazing ease and power. Think about it, even though you have been craving True Love for all of these years….your Inner Saboteur has kept you single. What would be possible for you if your Saboteur was working with you to FIND your partner instead of PUSHING HIM AWAY. It worked for Monica and it worked for me too.

Knowing your True Love Saboteur Style may just be the ticket!

To find out which Saboteur is yours, just click here and you can take a free Saboteur Survey! Once you understand your sabotage style, you can reach the soul mate summit….Finding Your True Love, Once and For All!

http://www.attractyoursoulmatenow.com/blog/true-love-saboteur-assessment/