LOA in Love

Do you remember the scene from Sex and the City where Carrie slept with that college kid?

When she woke up in the morning, facing the Walk of Shame, she squealed as she looked around the room.

The place was a disaster, there was no toilet paper and there was a room mate passed out under the table.

Did she have a good time on the date? Oh yeah.  Did they have a second date?  Uh, no.  What do you do if you attract a fairly great guy whose life is a mess?  How do you know what is negotiable and what is not?

When you attract the next significant man in to your life, there will be no mistaking the connection.  Like a magnet, your similar interests and personality characteristics  will be naturally and irresistibly drawn to each other. That is a good thing.

As you get to know each other and you both relax more of your true natures can be seen. So far so good. But, this is where it gets tricky.

If his lifestyle, ambition, work ethic, habits or attitudes become problematic, all you need to do is make mindful decisions each step of the way.

Don’t let your mind mess with you by focusing on the future. Simply balance his true positives with his true negatives and choose your way forward.

Many times terrific guys are just rough around the edges and need some friendly coaching to know how to partner you correctly.

You can cut a guy slack and tell him what you prefer when it comes to what you want from him, but if he resists what you need and you doubt his motives, you are developing your deal breakers.  Here’s what to do:

1.  Take a moment and breathe into your heart. Ask yourself, “Is it in my highest good to be with this man?” Feel how that question resonates within you as you ask it.

2.  Do you cringe? Listen to the cringe. Compromise will always be a part of a successful relationship but sacrifice is never Ok.  Sacrifice is never OK.

3.  If there is a lot of chemistry between you, it may seem impossible to accept that everything in you is saying RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, yet you must.

You must stop the relationship if it demands too much compromise on your part to stay together.

4.  Finally, give yourself a lot of credit. You attracted a guy who is almost but not quite, right? The only way to ID your deal breakers is to get to know your guy long enough for him to let down his guard a little.  Then you can see his different moods, habits and attitudes over time.

5.  Keep checking in and if it feels like a strong YES for you, keep talking, keep negotiating and keep moving forward.  Needless to say, no sex before monogamy and stretch this time out as long as you can.

There is a delicious tension in the first few months of any relationship that is irreplaceable. Enjoy the heck out of it.

I am working on a new project and your experiences are incredibly helpful to me as I write and teach these skills.  Please leave your comments and share your stories.  Have you ever compromised too much to stay with someone?

Tired of going it alone?  Join EFT Cupid and magnetize yourself to LOVE!

This is the second in a series of articles based on Arielle Ford’s book, The Soulmate Secret. I am sharing the book with the members on my site and these articles come from the experiences of the class.

The Soulmate Secret Chapter 2: Readiness

“I won’t take that off my list.”

“I am sure I know what is right for me.”

“I want to be with an attractive man.”

“I don’t want to marry an old, fat, bald guy.” (Apologies to all the mature, teddy bear guys with sexy shiny heads out there.)

Ladies I have only one question for you.

Are you sure?

Are you absolutely sure you know what your guy needs to look like?

Whenever I remind my students that many newly coupled women say “He wasn’t my type,” some get annoyed with me.  I don’t know how my adorable seeking soul mates hear “You’re going to have to settle and marry a toad” when they hear me say that, but they do.

Nothing pisses my seeking soul mates off faster than the idea that they can’t have a man who is attractive.  But, have you ever thought, attractive to who? Is it important that other people, women in particular see him as attractive? Think about that for a minute.

Who is the judge of attractive enough?  How do you decide?  Isn’t it most important that YOU think he is hot?

Let’s face it, you decided what was hot and what was not a long time ago.  Even in the early grades, some children simply have more charisma than others. Some people attract a lot of attention in every group.

When preteens experience this flow of attention to the popular kids, they begin to adjust themselves to either be in that circle or act like the ones who are.

This is natural and unconscious. What happens is that you get pulled this way and that and out of touch with your own true charisma.

When the teenage years come and there is sexual chemistry, money and mobility, relationships get very dramatic, both girl friends and boy friends. If your family is falling apart it is chaotic in all of your environments. No wonder people get gun shy, right?

Dr. Brit Brogaard in her ground breaking research reports that the reason the Bachelorette and Bachelor TV shows are so charged is because danger chemicals as well as sexual chemicals are released in the contrived risky romances on the show. Helicopter rides, bungee jumps and cliff climbing create a chemical cocktail that guarantees bonding.

“Take a date to the amusement park and go on the roller coaster together and you will create an instant connection” laughs Dr. Brit, “whether it is a lasting connection remains to be seen, but the power of the chemistry cannot be denied.”

The fact is that a part of you is way too obsessed with this appearance thing. Seriously, once you are together a few years, what he looks like is completely unimportant and you barely notice.

Don’t get me wrong. My husband is gorgeous. I was following him at the park yesterday and he looks fine from behind. Broad shoulders and a great butt. And we both enjoy each others appearance when we dress up for something. You might or might not find him attractive, but he is delicious to me.

In day to day life and certainly at night, appearance is highly over rated. The fact that you get upset when this topic comes up is ok. All it means is you are tracking down a limiting belief. You get annoyed at this topic because a part of you believes you can’t be happy unless you get your way when it comes to your man’s appearance.

Here’s where the two words come in. I bet you thought I forgot. The two words to add to any physical appearance affirmations are, drum roll please…. TO ME.

That’s it. Try these:

I want to be with a gorgeous man to me.

I want to be with a good looking man to me.

I want to be with a delicious man to me.

I want to be with a handsome man to me.

I want to be with the most attractive man I’ve ever been with.

I want to feel strong magnetism with my man.

I want to enjoy amazing sexual chemistry with my man.

These are powerful statements of belief. Girl, you are not, I repeat not going to have to marry a toad to have a happily ever after. I promise you. When you can release this grand daddy of limiting beliefs, you will radiate a light and peaceful vibe. When you see how people respond to you when you are unwound about this, you will be amazed.

When you start making affirmations that are coming out of a light, calm and heart centered energy, you will feel the difference. Relax and trust the natural unfolding of life. Allow yourself to suspend the doubt that you will be drawn to the perfect mate. Relax and trust the ease and flow that surrounds you.

What do you think? Is physical appearance a deal breaker for you? How’s it working for you?  Leave a comment and let us know what you think about it.

Brought to you by The LOA in Love Club, the world’s only $10 per month all-inclusive Love Coaching Club. http://EFTCupid.com

What if you read The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the love of your life with the Law of Attraction and it doesn’t work.

Have you read it?  Are you still single?

I am starting a series of blog posts to reflect the experience of just such a group of your soul mate seeking sisters who are putting their hearts and expectations on the line for the next ten weeks.

Starting this week I am guiding them through The Soulmate Secret one chapter per week, with a special focus on commitment. Commitment to the process and commitment to their true desire to have a mate.

All change starts with a decision and these ladies have chosen to act on their commitment for these ten weeks.  I hope you will read along with us.

The Soulmate Secret Chapter 1:  Belief

“One part of me wants to be with a man. But the other part of me likes the freedom to come and go as I please.”

“Reading this again just opens up a floodgate for me.”

“Sometimes I wonder if it is all worth it.”

Do you ever hear yourself thinking things like this? These are direct quotes from the ladies in the class.

Sometimes when you read a how to book, it can sound too easy. You think, “Yeah right, what do you know about it.” Or, you think, “I have already tried all of that woo woo stuff, it doesn’t work.”

Do yourself a favor, suspend your disbelief and tune in. Arielle Ford tells a great love attraction story in The Soul Mate Secret. She was in your shoes. Successful in all ways except love, she explains that everything changed when she changed her beliefs

At the end of an intense time of soul searching she found three big obstacles, read mistaken beliefs, standing between her and manifesting love. Quoting Arielle:

1. I didn’t believe I deserved a great relationship.

2. I didn’t love myself.

3. I had a lot of emotional baggage.

Now that makes me laugh out loud right now because I have met Arielle and that is not at all who she is.  But 15 years ago, alone on Saturday nights, she believed those exact thoughts.

Those false beliefs held her life in place with no love and none on the horizon. Nothing would have changed had she not FOUND the false beliefs and dissolved them.

If you are single and unhappy about it, I will guarantee you have a cat herding problem when it comes to keep your Law of Attraction vibe focused.

Your thoughts are running willy nilly creating beliefs that have no real substance. Face it, what you are thinking and believing right now is keeping you single.

What do you actually believe? Write down your beliefs about love. Does your list match Arielle’s? Great, then you are in the right place.  Grab a copy of the book and commit to the next 10 weeks to read and practice what Arielle teaches.

Have you read the book?  What do YOU think?

Law of Attraction being muffled by love sabotage?  Take this free survey and find out: http://EndLoveSabotage.com

“I am tired of the Law of Attraction.”

“I do everything Abraham says and I am still single.”

“I am SO tired of being alone.”

Sound familiar? It can be searingly difficult to keep the faith with you are working with the Universal Laws. The books, audios and coaching programs all promise great results, so what’s up? Why can’t finding love be easier?

I hear you. Law of Attraction SOUNDS good when you hear it, doesn’t it? If you can learn how to magnetize yourself to love, your perfect match will ‘magically’ appear and your happily ever after is yours at last. Are you rolling your eyes? Great…keep reading!

There is a missing piece to the puzzle and if you are rolling your eyes….you are closer to the missing piece than you think! The one ingredient to manifesting success that flies under the radar and stays out of your view is…..

Are you ready for this? The very frustration you are feeling is the missing link! As you get more and more clear about what kind of relationship you want, you are actually stirring the pot of your past disappointments. This is natural and normal!!

Your brain has been conditioned to create thoughts contrary to loving connection. You read right. Your own brain chemistry is working against you and the only clue you have is your frustration. Why is that a problem?

Simple…Law of Attraction gurus teach you night and day that you must keep our vibration up at all costs, that you must place yourself in the mindset and mood of a happily married soul mate before you can be magnetic enough to have him show up. There is only one problem with that.

In order to create the feeling of mission accomplished before the mission is accomplished is to allow the negative thoughts have a voice. Depression, despair, anger, frustration, sadness, grief and loneliness are all real energies produced by our brains in response to life drama and trauma.

If you don’t recondition your brain to see these events differently….you are stuck in the waiting room forever!!!

Should you just give up? NO!! Your negative feelings are controlling your lackluster love life and there is a safe way to express them. Worrying that you will attract more negative results if you allow yourself to be negative is a trap! You must find away to change your thoughts about the painful past and retraining your brain is the fastest way to get that job done.

So what can you do?

Here are 5 Steps to Keeping Your Faith in The Law of Attraction While You Are Waiting for Love:

1. Don’t Deny Your Feelings: Seems simple, but is so important. When you are feeling blue or find yourself in a funk, don’t be too quick to run from those feelings. You are frustrated and I don’t blame you.

Let your feelings about your singleness have a voice. Now, you don’t want to go venting all over the place and speak all about it, but writing a list of the people who have disappointed you in love is a great step!

2. Evaluate which past relationship is the most painful: Think about a past breakup. Remember the time it happened and see if there is any regret, remorse or rejection still there. On a scale of 1 to 10, how strong are your feelings?

3. Lean into your feelings: One of my favorite techniques is a really simple one. After I have figured out the person whose betrayal is stirring me up at the moment, I get a pencil and paper and begin to write his or her first name.

I like using a pencil for this because when I am feeling a lot of intensity about the person, my handwriting shows the intensity. I write the name over and over. Amazing how feelings come up! You will feel yourself getting calmer until the exercise comes to a natural end. I usually start to misspell the name. That is my signal I am done.

4. Allow yourself to accept that person: Should they have broken your heart? No, of course not! But, most of those pesky early heartbreaks were not malicious, even though it may have felt that way at the time. Early relationships are hardwired for drama and trauma.

Can you think of a teenager who isn’t? See that person as someone who did not get you. He didn’t have the skills to let you down easy and he blew it. Seriously…would you want to still be with him? Your brain was trained to withdraw from love because of him and now you can let it go. Believe it or not, that name writing exercise is brain training!

5. You are the one who is the center of your own love universe: When you have control over your own reaction to past emotional hurt, you will shine with confidence! Relationships hurt. That is the way it is.

When you are scared of being hurt again, it is like putting someone else at the center of your love universe. Don’t let another minute go by allowing a long lost love control your future! Admit, allow and adopt your thinking about love and you will be MUCH happier with the LOA and all it offers!

xoxo

I get emails every week from people who say this to me: “I don’t want to be alone when I am old.” There is so much passion and desire and love that is longing to be poured out on another person.

Believe me, there are thousands of men out there looking for the someone exactly like you!! If you go back and read the first letter of my 5 steps, you will see the secret to success. Once you accept this secret as the Universe’s way to prepare you for love, you will see concrete evidence of Love coming into your life….I promise!

Curious about your personal Love Sabotage Style? Take the Sabotage Survey and find out! http://EndLoveSabotage.com

February is a cold, heartless month.

Surrounded yet another year by cheesy slogans and sappy commercials, my ex might have been right. Valentine’s Day just might be a conspiracy between the card companies, the florists and the chocolatiers.

Isn’t it kind of dumb to assign love to one month….one day? What… you are supposed to treat someone casually for 364 days and then on that one day…..make up for it?

Valentine’s Day is only perfect for certain people at certain times. If you score a date with a great new guy a month before Valentine’s day….ka—ching!  You can expect gifts, dinner and great wine.  I think guys are actually relieved to have a new girlfriend on the big day.  We are so easily impressed.

Other wise, singles hate Valentine’s Day because they are still single. Married women hate it because it is never like it once was.  Men hate it because no matter what they do their woman is never satisfied.  And of course kids hate it because one, they didn’t get as many valentine’s as the popular kid and two, there’s a lot of pouting going on around the house.  I told you…February is a cold and heartless month!

If Valentine’s day sucks for you again this year and a part of you still longs to be with someone or to be really loved by your man. I can help you.  Don’t give up.  Here are three ways to get past this inflated day and feel better:

1.  Give funny Valentine’s cards to 6 people who wouldn’t expect one from you. People like your postman, UPS guy, Starbuck’s Barista, school bus driver or bank teller, people who you see everyday who serve you in some way.  Sweeten the pot by adding a lottery ticket.  Sure to bring a smile.

2.  Treat yourself to a spa treatment. Get a massage or mani/pedi in a massage chair.  My clients complain that they are not getting enough physical attention, you know what I mean?  You don’t need a boyfriend to massage your shoulders.  You can often get great rates on massage at a massage school in your town.  Check it out.

3.  Get involved with a charitable outreach of some kind. My hubby and I volunteer at the cat shelter to socialize the kittens and get them ready for adoption.  I love it.  I get to play with kittens, hold them and love them.  I also get to see the looks on the faces of the families who adopt them.  There is a lot of love to give and get in any kind of volunteerism.  The very best way to bring love closer.

How do I celebrate Valentine’s day?  My sweetie and I share a lot of romance during the year.  We have done the expensive dinners and the champagne by the fireplace.  This year we are going to an art show and a concert matinee.  We exchange small gifts and celebrate our finding one another.  I feel so lucky to have drawn this wonderful man into my life.

Would you like to use EFT to attract YOUR soul mate? Now is the perfect chance to experience the magic…for less than a dinner and a movie! For only $47 you can listen in and tap along with me monthly in group coaching calls. Members also have access to my text classroom where I hang out weekly answering questions and leading text tapping. Want to check it out?    SoulMateSuccessCircle

Every now and then a bible scripture comes back to me at just the right time. One of these is “God places the lonely in families.”  I don’t remember where it is exactly but I do remember when I read it for the first time.

I was going through a particularly difficult time and living in a city with no immediate family, I was pretty lonely. I had found  a local bible study group, can’t tell you how I even heard about it, I just began attending.  What I found there were people who were kind to me, very kind to me.

I enjoyed the bible back then, as much as I enjoy reading Abraham Hicks today. I remember having the identical passion over the ahas I got while reading.

“God places the lonely in families.” No wonder that one still feels good.  Especially to those of us who grew up in stressed families.   Do you have a challenging relationship with a family member?

There is a very good chance there is someone in your life right now who is the same age as that person who is treating you awfully nice right now. Before you make too quick a judgment….look over your acquaintances right now and check it out.

Over the years I have had women come and go who have stood in the place of female family members. Sometimes there is no hardship in the family at all, sometimes it is simply geography that is in the way.

Right now I have managed to attract a woman named Joanne who makes me feel loved and accepted in a deep way. Very deep for how short of a time we have known each other.

She welcomes my ideas and my perspective with respect and curiosity and that feels wonderful.  She is my mom’s age.  She brings me what I don’t get from my mom.

I am glad for the parade of women who have passed through my life over the last ten years. If you are reading this and you know you are one of them….I appreciate you more than you know.  Who knows why some relationships are fleeting.

It doesn’t really matter why they come together quickly and dissolve without warning.  There is something important in each connection, no matter how short.

It really is a gift when you find someone you get along with easily. Enjoy the living tar out of it.  Hold it lightly and be kind to that person, chances are there is a family member of their own that is a hard one.

I have seen time and again that indeed I AM placed in families and you know what? It is the times I need a family the most that the right people always show up.  Did I mention that my mom’s name is Joan?  I know the Universe is getting a big kick out of that one!

Curious about how love sabotage can impact your female relationships?  To take the Love Sabotage Assessment click here:  http://EndLoveSabotage.com

How Not To Think

Get Rid Of The Old, Embrace The New and Create Real Love

If you are a What Not To Wear Fan, you will love this workshop. Just like the popular TV show, we are going to makeover your inner view of yourself and what you believe is possible for your love life. In this 2 hour workshop you will:

• Go through your current “Thought Closet” and see which thoughts are serving you. You give me permission to toss the out dated and no longer attractive thoughts.

• Visit the Mind Mannequin and learn the Rules guiding your new set of thoughts the design team feels would show you off at your best.

• Try on and Practice new patterns of self talk

• Address how you appear to others in public and create a plan for getting you out of the living room and out in the world.

• The grand reveal: See how you look in the inner 360 mirror and create an action plan for how to expand your new inner look.

Who is the workshop for? Anyone who:

• Believes in the Law of Attraction yet struggles to manifest love
• Experiences disappointment in love and relationships
• Is looking for a soul mate
• Has found a soul mate and wants to keep things steamy
• Wants to attract more positive people and events to their life.

Workshop Details:

Date: April 26, 2009
Time: 1:00 pm to 3:00 p.m.
Location: Ceramic Café (Yes, there will be arts and crafts and refreshments, too)
(619) 466-4800
5500 Grossmont Center Dr
La Mesa, CA 91942
(In the Grossmont Center Mall)

Cost: $47

Seating is extremely limited.

Book Your Spot Today!
Register Here:

“In other words, do you know how many men would flock to you…?

…if they knew that you would allow them to be as they are and you would not hold them responsible for your happiness.” Abraham Hicks

Since I began reading the Abraham Hicks books several years ago, I have seen the Law Of Attraction in action many times. Like most, I started with parking spots and green lights, heck it was easy to visualize those things and I had my husband believing in the “Parking Angel” too!

It has been fun for me to watch my life change as I took responsibility for what I was thinking and feeling. I have had a remarkable experience creating a new life by moving to a new community and a new career through attracting people, events and circumstances in the most surprising and delightful way.

But by far the most exciting thing the Law Of Attraction is bringing to me everyday is love, love and more love! I am 58 and it has taken many years and lots of coaching and yes, even a bit of therapy for me to finally realize that the key to a man’s heart is my NOT needing him to make me happy.

Changing my mind about letting a man have responsibility for my happiness has been a long slow process…think of the Queen Mary doing a U turn. But ladies, it has been the best thing that has ever happened to me! The more I find out about what makes me happy and the more time I spend thinking about those things and how happy they make me feel, the more love I am finding…everywhere!

Every now and then, Abraham says something that I don’t immediately understand. They win me over eventually with their humor and consistency. Feeling loved and appreciated is the biggest prize of all and I couldn’t be more grateful for the simplicity of the message.

What you think about expands. That is pretty simple, isn’t it? Which of these thoughts feel better to you?

“I will never meet anyone. I don’t want to go to bars anymore to meet people. I hate blind dates. I should have married the third guy ago. Why did I break up with him anyway. I hate eating alone. I don’t have anyone to go to the jazz concert with. I know I will be happy, once I meet my soul mate. I will never be happy single.”

OR

“I love knowing that I am getting better and better everyday. I know I am not an expert yet, but I want to feel happy and I want to notice love wherever I can. I may not know where he is coming from. but I know he is on his way. I wonder how we will meet? I love knowing that when we meet it will feel amazing. I also know that feeling amazing is an inside job and I am learning every day to find joy that fills my chest with warmth. I love love and I want to experience more and more of it all the time.”

Which paragraph feels better to you? Try to feel how constricting the first one feels and how expansive the second one is. It is possible to begin to turn your own ocean liner around, no matter how much emotional debris you are lugging around with you!

The Law of Attraction is amazing. Simple and remarkably consistent, it can not bring what does not resonate. Missing love in your life? The smartest thing you can do is face that and make a decision to change how YOU think and feel about love and not hope that men will adjust to you!

When a man senses that you are the kind of woman who knows SHE is in charge of her own moods, emotions and ultimate happiness….he will be fascinated and drawn into your orbit. Every time. It is law.

Ever wonder how some people seem to attract the perfect person at the exact right time?

Whether it is a new friend, a hot new business prospect or a new crush, there are some of us who seem naturally attractive to strong relationships across the board.

Don’t you wish that was you?  It can be.

My experience with countless people desiring deep connection that disappears time and again is that their Love Set Point is set too low.

Somehow many of us have gotten to a place in our lives where all we attract are incomplete and unfulfilling love relationships. When we move from person to person, the bottom line stays the same. The love we thought was there is not.

What if your Love Set Point IS set too low and you aren’t aware of it?

Here are five signs of a low Love Set Point

1. You have a difficult time sustaining long term same sex friendships. People continually disappoint you and let you down.  It seems no one is in it for the long haul and you drift from friendship to friendship.

2. You procrastinate. Think of procrastination as passive aggressive behavior toward yourself.  If you tag on a little perfectionism you have the ultimate in torture…being a procrastinating perfectionist is the pits!

3. You are working in a job where you are not respected or appreciated. Like a penny under a bowling ball,  you  hate where you are but feel paralyzed and unable to look for new career options.

4. You find it impossible to say no. You feel guilty or afraid of displeasing people so you say yes way to often.

5. Road Rage. You know who you are, you ragers you!

What if you could reset your Love Set Point and finally attract the kind of people and experiences that make you feel loved, appreciated and connected? When you are annoyed or frustrated, think about what that wave of emotion reminds you of.  Chances are there is a betrayal or disappointment in the past that carries some of the same energy as that recent annoyance.

Looking back at a past situation with your now mature eyes may be enough to shake yourself out of your mood.  If not, use one of your tools or processes to express what the experience feels like to you.  Whether you journal, run, dance, paint, tap or pet your cat; choose something to focus on that will bring you some relief.  Your love set point will naturally recover as you move forward and release old situations and relationships.