This is the second in a series of articles based on Arielle Ford’s book, The Soulmate Secret. I am sharing the book with the members on my site and these articles come from the experiences of the class.
The Soulmate Secret Chapter 2: Readiness
“I won’t take that off my list.”![bigstock_Talk_To_The_Hand_-_Business_Wo_187387 bigstock Talk To The Hand Business Wo 187387 199x300 [The Soulmate Secret] The Two Words You MUST Use in Your Soulmate Affirmations](http://www.attractyoursoulmatenow.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/bigstock_Talk_To_The_Hand_-_Business_Wo_187387-199x300.jpg)
“I am sure I know what is right for me.”
“I want to be with an attractive man.”
“I don’t want to marry an old, fat, bald guy.” (Apologies to all the mature, teddy bear guys with sexy shiny heads out there.)
Ladies I have only one question for you.
Are you sure?
Are you absolutely sure you know what your guy needs to look like?
Whenever I remind my students that many newly coupled women say “He wasn’t my type,” some get annoyed with me. I don’t know how my adorable seeking soul mates hear “You’re going to have to settle and marry a toad” when they hear me say that, but they do.
Nothing pisses my seeking soul mates off faster than the idea that they can’t have a man who is attractive. But, have you ever thought, attractive to who? Is it important that other people, women in particular see him as attractive? Think about that for a minute.
Who is the judge of attractive enough? How do you decide? Isn’t it most important that YOU think he is hot?
Let’s face it, you decided what was hot and what was not a long time ago. Even in the early grades, some children simply have more charisma than others. Some people attract a lot of attention in every group.
When preteens experience this flow of attention to the popular kids, they begin to adjust themselves to either be in that circle or act like the ones who are.
This is natural and unconscious. What happens is that you get pulled this way and that and out of touch with your own true charisma.
When the teenage years come and there is sexual chemistry, money and mobility, relationships get very dramatic, both girl friends and boy friends. If your family is falling apart it is chaotic in all of your environments. No wonder people get gun shy, right?
Dr. Brit Brogaard in her ground breaking research reports that the reason the Bachelorette and Bachelor TV shows are so charged is because danger chemicals as well as sexual chemicals are released in the contrived risky romances on the show. Helicopter rides, bungee jumps and cliff climbing create a chemical cocktail that guarantees bonding.
“Take a date to the amusement park and go on the roller coaster together and you will create an instant connection” laughs Dr. Brit, “whether it is a lasting connection remains to be seen, but the power of the chemistry cannot be denied.”
The fact is that a part of you is way too obsessed with this appearance thing. Seriously, once you are together a few years, what he looks like is completely unimportant and you barely notice.
Don’t get me wrong. My husband is gorgeous. I was following him at the park yesterday and he looks fine from behind. Broad shoulders and a great butt. And we both enjoy each others appearance when we dress up for something. You might or might not find him attractive, but he is delicious to me.
In day to day life and certainly at night, appearance is highly over rated. The fact that you get upset when this topic comes up is ok. All it means is you are tracking down a limiting belief. You get annoyed at this topic because a part of you believes you can’t be happy unless you get your way when it comes to your man’s appearance.
Here’s where the two words come in. I bet you thought I forgot. The two words to add to any physical appearance affirmations are, drum roll please…. TO ME.
That’s it. Try these:
I want to be with a gorgeous man to me.
I want to be with a good looking man to me.
I want to be with a delicious man to me.
I want to be with a handsome man to me.
I want to be with the most attractive man I’ve ever been with.
I want to feel strong magnetism with my man.
I want to enjoy amazing sexual chemistry with my man.
These are powerful statements of belief. Girl, you are not, I repeat not going to have to marry a toad to have a happily ever after. I promise you. When you can release this grand daddy of limiting beliefs, you will radiate a light and peaceful vibe. When you see how people respond to you when you are unwound about this, you will be amazed.
When you start making affirmations that are coming out of a light, calm and heart centered energy, you will feel the difference. Relax and trust the natural unfolding of life. Allow yourself to suspend the doubt that you will be drawn to the perfect mate. Relax and trust the ease and flow that surrounds you.
What do you think? Is physical appearance a deal breaker for you? How’s it working for you? Leave a comment and let us know what you think about it.
Brought to you by The LOA in Love Club, the world’s only $10 per month all-inclusive Love Coaching Club. http://EFTCupid.com
I meet hundreds of single women who tell me their stories.
Many are
shocked to find themselves still single at a certain age. Some hovering around 40 still want to have a baby. All sad and disappointed by their situation. Love Sabotage?
Here are the Top Ten Things Single Women Are Not Aware of:
1. Nearly all of them express shock that my husband and I have moments of disconnection in our very good marriage.
2. Nearly all feel a partner will make them feel something they cannot feel from anyone else.
3. None realize that the bio-chemistry of pleasure feels the same whatever is stimulating it. A good concert, a tail wagging dog, a fantastic dining experience, the hug of a child, the affirmation of a job well done as well as a great partner are just a few of the life happenings that are pleasurable.
4. Nearly all are waiting for “The One” before they travel, move or or start a new career. Life is on hold and they are accepting that.
5. None of them are aware there is a part of them who loves being single and is very good at making sure that nothing changes that.
6. Few realize that self sabotage is really self protection.
7. Few know the strength of their true personal magnetism and the power they have to create a happier life.
8. Most are isolated and none are involved in philanthropy. Nothing grows a heart of love than serving with a charity you love!
9. Nearly all experienced a broken heart around the age of 13.
10. None feels how special they are exactly as they are.
Want to put an end to YOUR single status? Start here: http://EndLoveSabotage.com
“I never ever felt attractive.” she whispered quietly.
Janet Jackson was interviewed recently by ABC’s Meredith Vieira and I was touched by her
story. This Diva, who exudes confidence, sexuality and drama while on stage, is a classic Rapunzel…trembling in emotional pain behind the walls of her confident public self.
In the eye opening interview, Jackson was open and vulnerable, frequently in tears in her recollections. How could this be? Beautiful, talented and brilliant Janet Jackson, feeling unattractive. What hope is there for the rest of us?
As is true with many Rapunzels, Janet misinterpreted and personalized the cruel teasing of family and friends. Instead of seeing that the teasers were just being stupid and spouting off, she took in the words like seeds and those seeds grew into a tangle of strangling low self-esteem.
Unable to withstand the harshness of the teasing, she steadily created a cocoon of safety around her heart. When Rapunzel is finally ready to try love, that energetic and very efficient armor is not able to let the seeds of real love get through and grow.
“You fat cow.” (I know, heartbreaking, isn’t it?) Those awful seeds sunk deeply into Janet’s heart. Who wouldn’t want to raise a shield three feet thick?
These and the hundreds of other harmful words thrown carelessly her way built a tower of unlovableness, self hatred and self denial. You see, Rapunzels are hyper-sensitive in many dimensions and fear the pain of disappointment more than they even know.
Each thought of pain, betrayal and abuse strengthens the tower that holds a Rapunzel away from True Love! Even though the offending event was years ago, today’s thoughts hold the same energetic charge….it is like reliving the awfulness again and again.
Can you relate? Do you feel like a Rapunzel? There is something important you need to know. You can be fully loved and still protect your heart. As your old tower is being dismantled, you get to have a fabulous new one, designed perfectly for you! The Divine knows that you need tender loving care and deep protection.
Your new tower is built out of bricks of light. Each brick a piece of real world evidence that good fortune and positivity really do exist. Keep watching for the concrete evidence that the Divine is in this with you. They are like the breadcrumbs leading you to your True Love.
You will always have your Inner Crystal Tower. The bricks are made out of the times you notice good coming your way, the mortar is your new beliefs. The resulting new tower is tall, strong and flexible.
As a Rapunzel, it may not be fair, but it is true, you need to have a bit more strategy when you approach love. Because you feel safest in an extremely quiet environment, you need to plan for that. If you attract a man who doesn’t understand that, it will never work.
The trick is how to tell him in a way that feels like a win for both of you. Your ideal man is a man who will listen to you and respond with questions and not criticism. You are the most sensitive of all the Saboteurs. Be brave and tell the people who love you what you need to hear to feel loved. They will treasure this info!
A change in language, that is the words you use to express yourself, will guarantee an inner feeling of security that will anchor you. Here is what I mean:
You: Baby, we need to talk.
Him: (Visible pulling back, thinking ‘What’d I do?’) Uh..OK.
You: (Throat closing) I feel smothered. You are always around. I can’t breathe sometimes.
Him: (Closing down quicker than an umbrella salesman in New York when the rain disappears.) Uh..
You: It is not that I don’t love you. I do. I love and adore you. (Tears start to fall)
Him: (Scared, hurt and confused) Let’s talk later baby. (Knowing he never will)
You: (Cruelly yelling at yourself inside for even bringing it up) I’m sorry baby. I’m sorry.
What’s going on? You are both hitting panic mode and panic attracts panic. This is self sabotage at its awful best. Inner mechanisms that are on automatic. Being open to another has had disastrous consequences over and over. Rapunzel, deeply sensitive, takes these the hardest of all Saboteurs.
That is why it is critical that you start using a new language to tell the story of what you want. Your own ears need to hear a realistic and hopeful story about what is possible….in words you can trust and believe.
Once you form your magnetic statements from these new words, your Saboteur will relax her hold and you will draw more and more good to your life.
Here are some examples, see if you can feel the difference between each:
“I need to be with a man who is financially well off and can buy me anything I want.”
“I want a man who is good with money and exquisitely generous with me.”
or
“I need time to myself and I don’t want to attract a needy man who smothers me.”
“I want a man who values time alone and honors my need for solitude and peace.“
If I could speak to Janet Jackson, this is what I would tell her:
Girl, you are one tough cookie. Like a fragile violet, you have done your best to shine in a hostile environment and you have done an amazing job. But, as a Rapunzel, you will always need a place of safety and retreat, even when you are with your True Love.
This is the secret of sustaining a relationship instead of sabotaging it. Take the time to build that Inner Tower. Collect evidence of positivity and brick by brick you will create an Inner Sanctuary that only you can enter.
This Inner Tower will give you the feeling of security you have always longed for. You are a delicate one, yes that is true. But delicate is steel strong at its core. Fragile is simply a mindset and a mindset can be changed.
When you find your Inner Tower you will finally feel your value and see yourself as your fans do. You are so deeply loved and when you accept yourself as deeply, love will flood into your life.
xoxoxo
Time to rally Rapunzels! Are you really ready for true love? Check your tower, is it dark and cold or filled with light and hope? Only you can pick the day the tower comes down and lets the light of love come in. Let your dreams for love energize you to get what you are longing for.
Could you be a Rapunzel? Take the Saboteur Survey and find out: http://budurl.com/lovesabotage
Attention Rapunzels, Snow Whites, Sleeping Beauties and Scarletts:
You are invited to Sabotage 911: Practical Steps To Re-vibe Your Love Vibe. This three hour virtual retreat is just what the doctor ordered to evict the ghosts of boyfriends past from your heart…once and for all! Check here for deets: Sabotage 911