“Nice.” Marisol swerved to miss the annoying car on the freeway. “What a jerk. Learn how to drive!” Flashing her middle finger as she zoomed by in her BMW convertible.
Marisol is an M.D. and a good one. She is known for being overly thorough, doesn’t leave the office until after 9 every night and is still single at 48.
A love of fashion is finally paying off as she has enough money to dress in the latest styles. Marisol looks like a complete success, but…..
A closer look reveals something else. Marisol is so careful, so overly hyper-vigilant, she can barely breathe. Her ‘corset’ is her inflexible belief system.
She longs to be loved but has no time for dating. The men she does attract are weak and needy and she is sick and tired of being their mother!
A control freak? Yes, and so ironic because Marisol, a true Scarlett, feels like the biggest fraud in the world. Sure she has a great wardrobe, she also has a ton of credit card debt.
Yes, she is the envy of the women at the hospital, they see her life as perfect. Yet, her nightly trip to a dark condo after work is a lonely journey she hates with a passion.
Her anger rises to the surface when she is on the road. She doesn’t connect the dots and spends her life blaming the “idiots” and “jerks” for her inconvenience.
So, what is a workaholic tightly wound Scarlett to do?
Scarlett is often caught in a bind between proving herself and forgiving herself for perceived mistakes. The fatal flaw with Scarlett is that she cannot accept making mistakes.
The best thing a Scarlett can do to accept that mistakes are inevitable. At some time in her past, she was hurt and humiliated by a choice she made. From that day forward, she has been controlled by the fear of being humiliated again.
It is important for Marisol, and other Scarlett’s to tell themselves a new story. Mistakes are not fatal. In fact, Wynton Marsalis, the famed jazz musician insists that his master students EMBRACE mistakes.
“Learning cannot happen without mistakes.” Says Marsalis. Amen, says LOALoveCoach. Scarlett, if you are wound so tightly you can hardly breathe, try these statements on for size.
Loosening The Corset of Control: (Say these statements out loud and pick one or two that resonate with you. Practice creating similar thoughts.)
♥ Even though I hate making mistakes, I have survived them all and I am still standing.
♥ Being afraid of making mistakes is exhausting and I am ready for a change.
♥ I wonder where my manic fear of mistakes came from?
♥ I wonder if I can let myself off the hook.
♥ I would like to be easier on myself, I just don’t know how.
All of these statements are a start. A baby step is better than no step at all. Once Scarlett starts to loosen her hold on herself, wondrous things can happen.
Scarlett, you are brilliant and have so much to offer! Loosen your expectations and breathe. Your natural radiance will shine as you accept yourself….mistakes and all.
Want to make a dent in your self-sabotaging beliefs? Here’s an idea that will challenge you to the core:
Sit at your keyboard and write about how much you hate to make mistakes and when you hit a typo. LET IT BE. Do not correct. Go ahead….I dare you!
Remember, your True Love Saboteur sees herself as a super hero. She is convinced that tight control of yourself is the way to be happy in life. You are the only one who can convince her otherwise. Scarlett, next time some one cuts you off on the freeway, ask yourself, “Why does this bug me so much?”