Archive for August, 2010

“My younger sister is engaged.” The email somberly reported.  “Could we book a session?  I am a mess.”

Why is it the lack of a ring on your finger can cause so much pain? Carole (not her real name) choked out her feelings.  “She is 9 years younger than me.  9.  Josh is crazy about her and he is so romantic it makes me sick.  My throat gets as tight as a knot.  Then I feel horrible.  I LOVE my sister.  I don’t want to feel like this but I can’t help it.  It should be me.  How can she get married first?”

Her story turned into sobs.  I sat silently on the phone and listened.  Like a spring storm, the sobbing subsided and blowing her nose, she sighed.  “What if it never happens for me?  What if I am a lonely bitter old woman with 100 cats?  I can’t stand it…..and now I am going to have to be in HER wedding.”  Sobs reignited….

**************

Slowly but surely Carole and I turned the flow of her thoughts back into a better place and she recommitted to her own personal love attraction plan.  There is no question that the engagement of a younger sibling, brother or sister, is a painful thing for the long time single woman.

That naked left ring finger makes a public spectacle out of itself. There it is…out there for everyone to see….LOSER.   It takes a mighty strong woman to see this in herself, this branding from the lack of a ring.  It takes an even more magical woman to make the decision to do something about it.

Oprah and Goldie Hawn come to mind.  Two mega successful, beautiful, vibrant, talented and influential women who have naked left ring fingers.  What is it that separates them from other women who let frustration about their relationship status steal their happiness?

Can you control if you are single? Obviously not or you wouldn’t be reading this article.  Can you control how much LOVE is in your life?  Absolutely.  THAT I can teach you.

I run my ideas by my husband (soon we will be celebrating our 5th anniversary back in Hawaii where we tied the knot…*sigh*) because, not being a guy, I just want to make sure that my theories make sense.  He is 100% in agreement on this particular Soul Mate Attraction Secret:

There is nothing more attractive than a happy, confident woman. Men cannot resist a genuine smile….the one that comes from deep inside.  That kind of smile works like magic.  Can you control how much true happiness is behind your smile?  Absolutely, I can teach you that too.

You are one tough cookie.  You have been on your own most of your life and you can take care of business.  If you are the women who contact me, you are also pretty darn tired of doing life by yourself.   Sound familiar?

I am hosting a second preview call this Thursday night, September 2, where I am going to share 3 Bonus Love Breakthrough Secrets and the Two Critical Decisions You Must Make if You Want To END Your Singleness For Good and I would love to have you on the call.

Some of you may have heard the first 5 Love Breakthrough Secrets class already, this class will be all new material.  If you want to be a part of a couple within the next 6 months, don’t miss it.

With these 3 secrets and 2 decisions added to your bag of tricks, can True Love be far behind?

You can register for the teleseminar right here:

See you there! Oh, and feel free to tweet all about this call to any friends who crave that ring on their own left finger!

"She is SO dramatic," Megan complained. "You would think she is the only person to ever be mismatched on Match.com." 

"She never asks how I am. She goes on and on and on.  And, if I try to come up with a solution for what she is whining about….She pinches my head off."

"And," Megan pounded the table for emphasis, "What really pisses me off is that she has no trouble attracting men….they flock to her like bees to a flower."  "She goes through men like I go through mascara."

Can you relate?  Do you have a girl friend who is a Scarlett O'Hara?  I do.  One of my closest friends ever is a Scarlett and as a Snow White, I have been SO frustrated with her over the years.  Of course, being true blue to my Snow White tendencies, I haven't been so successful connecting to her over the years.

I love to help people.  I also get impatient when women allow themselves to be in awful circumstances and spend more time complaining than taking action to resolve the drama and trauma of the moment.  If a friend continually talks about what is not working in her life (very typical of Scarlett) she is like a runaway train.  If I CAN get a word in edgewise, she doesn't want to hear anything about her role in the drama.

As a Snow White, I like solutions and order.  I like crossing items off of to do lists and I love building and accomplishing things.  I suppose I am totally annoying to my Scarlett friends too.  Hmmm.  So here I sit this morning pondering.  How can a Snow White be a good friend to a Scarlett who is floundering a bit in life?

Here are a few suggestions:

1.  Find The Value Under Her Complaint:  If Scarlett is ranting about how her co-worker shirks her responsibilities and Scarlett has to do her work and the co-workers without any appreciation or compensation (A typical stuck place for Scarletts).  Instead of trying to 'coach' her into a better attitude (A VERY typical Snow White response) try this.  Search for the underlying Core Value to reflect back to her.  This will make her feel heard and that is sweet elixir for Scarlett.  For example:

Scarlett:  "I am furious with June.  She will not file at the end of the day and if I don't do it, our shared work space is a mess in the morning.  I can't stand it."

Snow White:  "So people being responsible for their workspace and doing the job they are paid for is important to you."

You will be shocked how this seems to soothe the heart of a Scarlett.  It takes some effort to find the Core Value…but it can be done.  So worth it if you want to connect to her.

2.  Set Parameters on Your Phone Conversations  I used to be constantly available to my various and assorted Scarletts (yes, I have attracted them all of my life!).  Because of my kind and sweet nature and my willing ear, I would spend hours on the phone comforting, cajoling and cheering on my friends and family.  Until….I realized that Scarletts tend to be Time Bandits.  They can steal time in a twinkling of an eye.  You know what I mean.  Now I start the conversations with a time limit.  Simply telling Scarlett that you have 15 minutes to focus on her and then honoring your own decision encourages her to cut to the chase.  At times, I will actually tell my Scarlett friends to give me the Cliff Notes version right up front.

3.  Ask If She Wants Help or To Vent  Be direct.  I know this is a big challenge for Snow Whites.  We tend to be the queens of understatement and clue giving.  I kiddingly say that I wish my hubby could read my mind.  Truth is he can't and neither can anyone else.  You learn to be assertive and kind and Scarlett will respond and respect you for it.  Plus, once you stop offering unsolicited help, she may very well ask for and follow your counsel when she is ready to change her circumstances.

4.  Encourage Scarlett To Engage With A Cause  There is not a Scarlett I know who is not passionate about one cause or another.  Whether it is the plight of the Palestinians, starving children in the third world, a myriad of political causes or animal rights, your Scarlett has a strong tendency to support causes.  If she is going through a tough time, she may not be acting on these primal urges.  You know her.  What does she care about.  Getting Scarlett to refocus on something bigger than herself is one of the most valuable gifts you can give.

5.  Four Magic Words That Open a Scarlett's Heart:  Scarlett can be challenging.  Swinging from wildly independent to needing constant propping up.  She is entertaining and bigger than life and can be a wonderful friend.  Snow White has a hard time with the drama and trauma but it is possible to forge a great alliance if you want it.  There are four magic words that will melt a Scarlett's heart and help her let down her guard every time.  Ready?  Here they are:  "You're right about that."  It is amazing how hearing those words helps Scarlett feel happier.  Don't bulls–t her.  She is very savvy and can sniff out insincerity a mile away, but do agree with her whenever you can.  As a Snow White, you may doubt how powerful this tool is.  Just try it.

*Oh and by the way, did you notice the asterisk in the title?  Well, that is there because we Snow Whites annoy the living tar out of our Scarlett friends and family.  I will write all about that in a future article.

And….most importantly, are there any Scarlett's out there who want to sound in and let us know how we can be better friends to you?  We would LOVE to hear from you!!!

Ready to turn your Snow White Weaknesses into Powerful Attraction Tools?  We are ready for you:
Check out the BE a Soul Mate Virtual Summit:  http://budurl.com/AttractLove

Posted via email from catherine’s posterous

I lived with a Frozen Heart for years and years and I didn't even know it.  All I knew is that I was achingly lonely….even and most poignantly when I was in relationships.

For most of my life, I attracted the worst from the men in my life. Whether it was rudeness, lewdness, cruelty or sarcasm, each and every man hurt me in some way. At least that is what I always thought. That is until I found something that changed everything for me.

At 57 and married to my second soul mate, I still have my lonely moments and occasionally feel myself going back to old patterns of thinking.  Thoughts like "Here we go again, I knew I would get hurt."  or "He isn't even trying to understand, what's the point." or "We are losing our connection, just like before….what if he isn't the one."

Yes, nearly 5 years into my fantastic marriage, thoughts still pop into my head, uninvited, that shake my security.  What is different now is that I have specific tools I use to stop thinking scared thoughts before they take on a life of their own.  When I catch myself early enough, I can switch it around pretty quickly and stay in the flow of delicious Well-Being.

I see that I have the power to attract Larry's highest and best and that is where I can put my confidence in our Love and keeping us together.  In my first marriage, I had such low regard for myself, I constantly attracted the lowest and least healthy of my man's thoughts, habits and behavior.

Where are you in all of this?  Do you attract honor and respect from the men in your life?  Run an internal survey.  List all the men you have regular contact with and see how you feel reflecting on each one.  If you are I used to be, walking around with a slowly thawing heart inside, you may notice a theme of sarcasm or criticism in men within your inner circle.  Be curious about the patterns you see.

Since I started using these tools, my own Love Vibration has been turned on it's ear.  Not did I bring in a man who was attracted to me a whole year before I knew it (a story I tell at a different time), I am still using these simple truths to keep growing my confidence as a wife and partner. If I can do this, so can you.

This Wednesday night, I am teaching the 5 simple secrets I used myself to so you too can build an irresistible Core Love Vibration that WILL attract the right man into your life.

If you struggle with shyness, withdrawing in social situations or over talking when you are anxious, you will LOVE this special one-time complimentary teleseminar. By the end of 75 minutes, you will understand how self sabotage is holding True Love away from you and you will feel more confident than you have in a long time.

Here is the registration information:

=========================

"How to Get The Perfect Man Into Your Bed: 5 Success Secrets From a Happily Married Wife"
with Catherine Behan
Wednesday, August 18, 2010 at 5 pm Pacific/7 pm Central/8pm Eastern
http://forms.aweber.com/form/23/1738063923.htm

Posted via email from catherine’s posterous

Gina never makes it past the second date.  Megan brags that she abandons him before he can abandon her.  Terri hasn't had even an insignificant relationship in years.

What is going on?  Each of these women is beautiful, talented and powerful in certain parts of their lives.  Even though professionally they are admired for their achievements and leadership, when it comes to the choices they make in pursuit of True Love, you'd never know it.

This is where the Frozen Heart comes in.  When it comes to love, there is a part of your heart that refuses to be seen.  That hidden piece of your history is being guarded very well by your Inner Saboteur.  Some where you hold a belief that Love is disappointing, exquisitely painful and ultimately not worth it.  "Not me!" You might be thinking. "I am 100% sure I want to be married."  Really…I don't think so…

How do I know?

Is there a ring on your finger?

Your Inner Saboteur has one purpose.  She must keep your beliefs intact.  Especially beliefs about your safety and well-being.   With a part of your heart still frozen in time, believing that Love is painful, Your Saboteur believes she is protecting you by keeping that pain out of your view.  What does that have do to your Love life, or lack of?

The Inner Saboteur is running the show and you are the only one who can convince her to share the stage.  She is a Master Time Vampire.  She keeps you distracted and focused on mediocrity while time races right past you.  Check it out.  Exactly how long has it been since you have been head over heels in Love?

How do you know if your Inner Love Saboteur is activated?  Here are 5 signs to watch for:

1.  Procrastination.  No matter what your preferred style of sabotage, procrastination is always a major player.  A vicious cycle of perfectionism, unproductive busy-ness and poor planning result in a kind of quick sand.  You are pulled continually into a wasteland of excuses and inertia.  There is often a lot of self criticism that appears here and nothing drains your vibe like that inner critic.

2.  Distraction. Similar to procrastination but this one is more entertaining.  You know, you start one task in the kitchen and on your way to throw a load of laundry in, you notice the mail man is coming.  He is really friendly so you pop out to say hi and get the mail.  Then you remember you haven't checked your email.  Then it is noon.  You get the idea.  It is said that Distraction is the number one obstacle in manifesting your dreams.

3.  Complaining.  A sure sign that your Love Saboteur is up and around.  Finding fault with other people, places and circumstances is one of her favorite activities.  Gossiping about the missteps of others can be entertaining.  Maybe you feel better after telling someone else's sad story.  Go on a Complaint Fast.  Choose to stop complaining for one week.  Practice catching yourself and just stop. If you can't say it in front of the person, just choose not to say it.  Practice Lovingness.

4. Indecisiveness.  This is the most common sign of sabotage among the singles I talk to.  99% of them are completely undecided when it comes to what they want from a soul mate.  Try it:  "Do you want to be married?"  Did you say some form of:  "Not necessarily, I mean, you know, if it ends up like that, I don't mind, but I don't really need marriage."  This constant fudging about what you really want will ultimately put your manifesting into total stall zone.

5. Social Awkwardness or Anxiety  Many times, the part of the heart that is frozen is adolescent.  It breaks my heart to hear the stories of heartbreak in 6th through 12th grade.  Adult women, beautiful accomplished women, melt into little girls as they tell me the tale.  If you get overly shy or withdraw in social situations or under stress, The Saboteur goes into overdrive to protect you.  Just stepping outside and getting a breath of fresh air can be a life saver.  Simply remind yourself of another role in your life that reflects one of your strengths.  You can snap yourself out of it if you catch it early enough.

So what do you do?  First of all, don't freak out!  Your Saboteur looks at herself as a super-hero.  She believes she is saving the day.  I have a picture of Cat Woman as my Facebook Avatar to remind me not to be too hard on that part of myself that indulges in sabotage.

Remember, Your Saboteur wants the same thing you do….to be loved and feel happy.  If you convince her that you want to take a risk on love again, you will have a powerful ally to help you manifest the Love of your Life.

How do I know this?  Think about it.  This part of you, Your Inner Saboteur, is an amazing manifester.  She has manifested singleness…overcoming all odds to make it happen.  She is brilliant and not only is completely under-appreciated, she is blamed for the unhappiness that is resulting.

Food for thought, no?

What would be possible for you if self sabotage was a thing of the past?
                                               ♥♥♥♥♥

Curious? Check out the upcoming Complimentary Teleseminar:  How To Get The Perfect Man Into Your Bed: http://www.attractyoursoulmatenow.com/blog/how-to-get-the-perfect-man-into-yo…

Posted via email from catherine’s posterous