Archive for April, 2010

"I knew this would happen." She sniffled, collapsing into tears again.  "Why do I do this to myself?"

"I knew it and I did it anyway. He said he had emotionally checked out of his marriage years ago.  He said he was leaving her. He said he had never met anyone like me." 

The phone went silent as she sobbed quietly on the other end of the line.

"Why do I keep doing this to myself?"

Jill has been with 4 men who all had complicated relationships with their exes.  She loved helping them recover from the emotional pain.  She always said the right thing and each man had told her that without her, they don't know how they would survive.

Each time it took months, sometimes even years to get over the guy.  Her friends tried to gently help her see that these guys were not going to give Jill the love she was looking for.  Her family would beg her to not waste time on these complicated relationships.

And she knew they were right.  She just couldn't help it.  "I can't help who I fall in love with!" She snapped angrily. "You just don't understand."

How many of you can relate?  Why is it so hard to let go of these deadend relationships?  Do you feel trapped right now…unable to go back and unable to move forward?

Here are some steps you can take to get through today:

1.  Breathe.  There is nothing you can do that is better than to close your eyes and breathe.  When you are upset, your breathing gets very shallow.  You will feel worse and worse.  Try it right now.  Sit in a chair, get comfortable, close your eyes and inhale.  Hold for a count of three and then exhale.  Repeat and try to inhale a little deeper this time.  Set a reminder on your phone and have a breath break several times today.

2.  Get Some Vitamin B.  There is a real physical dimension to your heart break.  Vitamin B is a water soluble vitamin that gets quickly depleted when you are under stress.  There will be someone at the market who can help you.  You will feel SO much better when your Vitamin B levels are restored. 

3.  Find Someone To Talk To.  Sometimes your family and friends are standoffish because they don't know how to help you.  Or maybe you don't want to hear an "I told you so."  There are options.  Thea Newcomb has been hosting a website called http://SoYouveBeenDumped.com for 10 years.  This is a free resource where you can open your heart and tell your story and get sympathy, love and support.  Reach out and get help.  There are people who care.

4.  Splash Cold Water on Your Face.  Such a cliche piece of advice but your grandma's was on to something.  Get that water running nice and cold and give your face a good shower.  The shock of the cold water will snap you out of the blues.

5.  Talk to Yourself.  No, don't keep saying terrible stuff to yourself, like how could you have been such an idiot!  Look at your reflection in a mirror and tell yourself the truth.  "Even though this is really hard, I will make it."  "Even though I feel hopeless and lost, I choose to see that this is only temporary."  "Even though it feels like I will never love again, I choose to believe things will get better." 

You have been through some terrible times in your life.  And you have gotten through them all.  Are you tired of the drama?  That is good.  It is possible to stop a pattern of meeting the wrong partners.  Believe it or not, the secret lies in knowing the kind of partner you DON'T want.

Lots of successful relationships are based on this truth: "Because of how bad the last person was, I know the kind of person I REALLY want."  The bad times really do teach us how to desire better results.

Lastly, as Winston Churchill is quoted as saying, "Never, Never, NEVER Give Up!"  True Love IS possible for you and you can find your way!

Want to share your story?  Join us this Friday, April 9 for a F-R-E-E
Q and A call at 10 am pst.  Register Here: 
http://www.attractyoursoulmatenow.com/april-free-q-and-a-call/

Posted via email from catherine’s posterous

Now, I am a positive thinker and I also believe that people can change if they want to.  But, would Jesse have gotten any help if he hadn't been caught?  Doesn't it break your heart to see Sandra hurt and humiliated by this mess?

Rumor has it he was cheating right from the start.  I always ask, how could she not have known?  There had to be clues.  Of course, with his business out of town, the stage was set.  But why can't some men keep it in their pants?  Just like Tiger Woods before him, here's a guy with more money than God, work he loves and a gorgeous woman throwing it all away.

Maybe risky behavior is that addictive. 

I watched Jesse's face while Sandra picked up her Oscar and he appeared moved…tears forming in his eyes.  In hindsight, he was probably feeling like a real schmuck, as he should.  I think Sandra should cut her losses and move on.  She deserves something better.

Posted via email from catherine’s posterous

Breaking up is one whale of a challenge.  The pain of losing your Love is one thing, but the pain of losing what might have been between you is even worse.  Asking yourself, “What did I do wrong?” or battering yourself with continual “Why?  Why?  Why?” is a dead end.

Here is a why for you…why do some people want to change themselves to fit with some one that is clearly a mismatch?  Like a chameleon, did you change your colors to match your past partner?  If you did, then I can explain what happens.

The more comfortable you become in the relationship, the less like a chameleon you are.  When your “true colors” shine, the mis-match appears.  Actually, that is a really good thing.  You don’t want to be with someone who isn’t into you, do you?

So, if it isn’t a good fit, and the breakup is ultimately the best thing for everyone involved, why does it hurt so much?  Well, it appears that science has found a surprising answer.  It seems that the same part of the brain that lights up when you fall in love, also lights up during a breakup.  What?

How can that be fair??  No wonder the pain comes in waves and jerks you around.  The echoes of your pain are touching the memories of that first kiss.  Yikes!  As unfair as it may be….that’s the way it is.  So what can you do?

Here are a couple of ideas to get you out of the depression and on your feet again:

1.  Acknowledge That Your Situation is Temporary.  I love and use the words “Even though…” as my 911 when I am in emotional turmoil.  Practice saying, “Even though this sucks and my heart is crushed in a billion pieces (yes, be as dramatic as you want!) a part of me knows it is only temporary.”  “Even though that lousy SOB cheated on me and broke my heart forever, a part of me knows I won’t feel this way forever.”  You may feel lame saying this but do it anyway. It will definitely take the edge off.

2. Dump Your Pain.  Not on your friends!  No, take out a piece of paper and start writing the first name of your ex.  Write it over and over and over and as you do, let yourself feel your anger and even hatred for what they have done.  If you fill the first page, do another.  Repeat until you are sick of it or exhausted.  Different from journaling, this exercise is an easy way to transfer your bad feelings out of your body and on to a paper.  Then, burn it.

3. Let Your Friends Help You Refuel Your Self Esteem.  This tip works like magic!  Ask your friends and family to email you and tell one of their favorite stories about you.  This little idea will sustain you in your lowest times.  You don’t see yourself, or appreciate yourself like your friends do.  And when you are depressed it is even worse.  Having a handful of stories about how others see you and love you will give you a badly needed boost to your self esteem.  Trust me on this one…it really works.

Breakups are hard and painful but remember….if your brain is confused and the feelings of pleasure and pain are so close together, it isn’t anyone’s fault.  You are in the natural stages of moving on and you will be ok, even though it looks bleak at the moment.  Hang in there!

Posted via email from catherine’s posterous