Archive for September, 2009

“Honey, can you grab the phone?”

He harrumphed from the other room, “I’m trying to read the paper.”

Hands dripping from the bath water, she wrapped the baby in a towel and ran for the phone.  “Not interested” she said, cutting the sales person off.  The baby started to wail. “Shut that kid up!” came the voice from the livingroom.

“Hush, baby, shhhhh” she crooned, a tear making it’s way down her cheek.  She felt the familiar tightness squeeze it’s way into her throat.

How had it come to this?  Why was he so distant and cold?  She hugged the child to her chest, a little too tightly.  “You are all I have,” she whispered, burying her face in the sweet smell of the infant’s skin.

Where does love go?  How does the sweetness disappear? continue

What is it that makes some women so desirable that every man turns to look when they walk into the room? What is it about Angelina Jolie, Michelle Obama and Oprah.  Why do we watch every move they make?  There you have true magnetism or what we call charisma.  What is the magic and can it be learned or acquired?

I believe that every woman has that magic, the trouble is for many it is hidden deeply within, buried in lost love and disappointment. The reason I am convinced this is true is because of simple biology.  The survival of the fittest drives attraction.  The inner urge to keep the planet populated keeps males attentive to the fittest of the females….both physically and emotionally. continue

I just finished watching the Tivo’d broadcast of the final performances on America’s Got Talent. I suppose there was a time when I would have not admitted that out loud, much less in the blogosphere, but now, reality TV has become a part of my life and is no longer a “guilty” pleasure.

I was recovering from a serious illness during the season that David Cook won American Idol and I still clearly remember the impact of those weekly performances.  continue

“People don’t care about EFT.”

I sat on the other end of the phone, stunned and flabbergasted.  What????

Kevin Nations and Catherine Behan

Silence.

I didn’t know what to say.  I LOVED my work as an EFT practitioner.  I was able to help any and every one who came my way and I knew with every fiber of my being that EFT was the magic elixir that helped my clients in their transitions.  I considered myself an EFT crusader.

BUT and this is a BIG BUT, I was starving as a heart based business owner. continue

“You could always fill out those annoying coupons and subscribe her to fifteen magazines,” Dan chirped in his forever positive voice.

“That’s not helpful,” Molly sniped at him. He reached over to pull her into a hug. She was stiff in his arms. “I just can’t understand it.” she sighed “How can she not have anything good to say….even now….especially now.”

“Come here, darlin’, let it go…let it go.” In his arms, she let herself soften and receive his love….

It had been a phenomenal day. Her composition had been selected and she was booked at Carnegie Hall! The dream of a life time, well at least her life time, she had seen herself on stage at Carnegie Hall, the crowd on its feet applauding like fiends, ever since she was a little girl. And now, after all the years, tears and trauma it was happening.

Molly bought flowers from the street vendor, got an expensive red from the Wine Cellar (her favorite shop) and a couple of beautiful New York strips from the Italian butcher shop. It was time for a celebration, and she couldn’t wait to get home to tell Dan.

He didn’t disappoint. “Baby, I am so proud of you!” He picked Molly up and spun her around. “I know how hard you have worked for this.” Burying her head in his shoulder she whispered, “I love you so much…so much.”

“Let’s crack open the cabernet and get this party going,” Dan said. “Did you let your mom know?” “I sent her an email.” Molly said. “Haven’t heard back from her yet, but look what the mom of one of my students sent me.” She ran to the computer and pulled up an email. “Read this!” she said excitedly:

“You HAVE to teach at the University level, a composition class! – God has given you an amazing gift, and the beauty of your music is getting deeper and deeper. What a story teller you are with the piano. You can take any of your pieces and in any scenario whatsoever and take your listener through the different emotions- -anywhere from rage to love, from tears to forgiveness. No holds barred. You really need to be on national television.”

Dan beamed with pride. “That’s terrific, honey!” And lifted his wine glass to toast her!

“Uh-oh” she said, “There is an email from my mom.”

“Don’t open it right now, Baby, just wait for awhile.”

“No,” Molly took a deep breath and clicked the email link, “I want to see what she has to say about my news.”

“Darling, I still feel the phrasing would be better in the twentieth bar if you changed the chording the way I suggested. I don’t know if I will be able to be at Carnegie, but I will see what I can do. Nice job!”

Shoulders slumping, it was as if she imploded, something on the inside of her collapsing and pulling all the celebration into an ancient black hole in her heart. Again. No matter how hard she worked, her mom always found the one weak spot and shined a bright light on it.

“How can she not congratulate me? I’ll never be good enough for her.”

“We could hire a thug and duct tape her to a street sign.” Dan tried to nudge her sense of humor.

“That’s not funny, Dan, I am trying to feel sorry for myself here!” And laughed in spite of herself. He was so cute!

“You know what really pisses me off?” Molly asked. “The fact that I am forty bleepin’ four years old and I still wilt like a violet in the desert when she criticizes me.”

“Why are you so hurt, darlin?” Dan said gently.

“Because she should care how I feel.” She said quietly.

“Why?”

“How else can I know she loves me?”

“I love you.” He whispered “And I am so proud of you. Your students love you and now there are hundreds of people who are going to love you when you perform at Carnegie.”

“I know,” Molly sighed. “You are right. Besides, I am proud of me! I had the best day of my life and I will not let any lame email steal that from me!”

“That’s the spirit!” Dan cheered. “Now let’s grill those steaks and get this party started.”

Snuggling in to her favorite spot in the nook of his shoulder she kissed his neck. “I don’t know what I would do without you, baby.”

Overcoming perfectionism is a bitch. Age old patterns of meticulously planning and executing projects to make sure every T is crossed and i is dotted drive like a cruel slave master. If you have a family member who callously brushes over your fabulous achievements, I feel your pain and I have a word of advice.

Use the pain. That is right. Use the pain. Take a breath and acknowledge the pain in you for a change and stop focusing on the person who “caused” the pain. A fantastic tool to use in moments like this is to journal conversationally using both hands.

What you say? Yes – both hands. Starting with your dominant hand, write this questions: “Why does this hurt so much?” then switch to your non-dominant hand and write whatever comes to your mind. You will be surprised how impactful this exercise can be.

When you write with your non-dominant hand, you actually “stretch” out your experience with the pain and you get to prove to yourself that you can handle it and move beyond it. Molly’s mom didn’t mean to hurt her daughter. Who knows why she was unable to celebrate with Molly?

Molly can make choices to grow through her need for her mom’s approval and change the dynamics of the relationship herself. While her mom may never say just the right thing, she can see that as a itty bitty blip on the radar of life, if she chooses! We’re proud of you, Molly and……break a leg!

Your Love Sabotage style impacts your family relationships too!  Be sure to take this free assessment so you can turn your all your relationships around! http://EndLoveSabotage.com

She slipped off her shoes and tossed the keys into the dish.  Her cat rubbed itself in between her ankles forcing her to stop in her tracks. “Misty!” she grumbled, “Stay out of the way!”  The cat ran off with a short meow.  Gathering the mail and magazines, she poured herself a glass of wine and thought how glad she was that her husband wasn’t going to be home for a couple of hours.

Absentmindedly, she paged through Oprah magazine, sipping her chardonnay.  Her forgiving cat jumped up on her lap and nudged her hand with its head, begging for a scratch.  Once again, she pushed her pet aside, closed the magazine and sank into her thoughts.

“Why is it so hard?” a tear formed in her eye and made its way down her cheek.  “What happened to the us we used to be?”  Remembering the ease of their early days, the romance and passion that overflowed everywhere causing their friends and family to drool with jealousy made the tears fall faster.

She had been sure this time.  Sure that he was different.  Sure that she was ready. Sure that this was happily ever after. continue

To All Aspiring Soul Mates:

There really IS nothing like being desired. When my husband chooses to be with me, whether in the bedroom or  at the beach I love it. I feel genuinely ATTRACTIVE, magnetizing his attention and desire to be with me. What is the magic?

According to Dr. Marta Meana PhD., professor of Psychology at UNLV, being desired is “practically orgasmic” for some women. Knowing a man is desiring you is a powerful and arousing experience.  In other words, Dr. Meana says, “A man overcome with desire is so sexy!” continue

Appreciation is the secret to life.  Abraham Hicks

I could just stop there and post my all time shortest entry, but I will reflect a bit. If appreciation is so powerful and so accessible, then why are so many people whining about their circumstances?  Why don’t people work at strengthening their appreciation muscles?

No matter what is happening, there is some one else who has it a little bit worse than you.  You know that is true.  If you are like me, though, sometimes appreciation is the hardest thing to find.  I hate going through crud.  You know CRUD:  Challenges-Reversals-Uprootings-Downsizings.  CRUD always sucks.

Unexpected bills, car problems, root canals, lay offs, dog pooping in the house, Days of Our Lives pre-empted by a sports event.  CRUD can sneak up on a person at any time and if you are not careful, DEpreciation is waiting to grab you. Depreciation means loss of value.  If you are in the center of your circumstances and you are not appreciating, no wonder your self esteem suffers.

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was an App for the I Phone for appreciation.  Whenever you are feeling pressured or overwhelmed, there’s an app for that.  Just click the button and choose something to appreciate from the options that pop on the screen.  Here are some examples:

1.  Take a breath. If you work with me at all, you know I am always asking my clients to take a breath.  The air we breathe is an instant and constant reminder of the abundance that surrounds us.  There is always enough air to breathe.

2. What part of your body feels good today? I wish I would have known to appreciate my sweatless body before hot flashes started a few years ago.  All those nights I slept without waking up in a pool of sweat….ah the good old days!  While you may have a health challenge right now, there is at least one part of your body that is thriving, even if it is the hair that refuses to stop growing out of your chin.

3. What can you imagine for yourself today? Your imagination is truly the gift that keeps on giving.  I adore my various guided meditation cds.  I have a grand collection including work by Kelly Howell, Wendi Friesen, Orin and Daben, Jose Silva and Paul Scheele, among others.  Your imagination is always available to you and you can see your life through a completely different lens if you practice.

4. Who needs encouraging today? As you go through your day, watch people’s faces.  See if you can pick up sadness or overwhelm in a passer by.  Send them love and appreciation.  Imagine you have a laser pointer and you are shining a beam of love into their heart.  It feels great to lift someone’s spirits this way.  Take it one step further and you will be surprised how many people will accept a hug if you offer.

5. Redefine your separateness from your family. I know loneliness is a big problem when you are practicing appreciation.  Hard to be thankful for an empty apartment.  BUT!  It is true that the very people you are lonely for can be a royal pain in the patootie!  There is a blessing in distance and the quiet of your home can be a sweet respite for you.  Get some fresh flowers and throw open your windows.  Celebrate your space and your distance and the fact that you can fill you environment with the things you love!

Abraham Hicks promises over and again that Appreciation fuels the juice of life. I agree!  Appreciation puts me into a calm mindset because I can’t think of a problem at the same time I am appreciating.  One time when I was in the midst of a major challenge, I can remember thanking my big toe for being an integral part of my life.  Makes me smile again just thinking about it!

Next time you are overwhelmed, remember, there is an app(reciation) for that!

Curious about your Sabotage Style?  Take the Saboteur Assessment and find out today!  http://EndLoveSabotage.com

“Side of the hand: Even though I don’t love and accept myself I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

I had enjoyed my EFT sessions before but this time, when the warm and comforting voice had me repeat this particular statement I loved Brad all the more.
The first time I heard Brad Yates he was talking about Success Beyond Belief with Internet Guru Joe Vitale.  I had never heard of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)  before and they were talking about using EFT to attract a new car.  I was fascinated. continue

A friend of mine is just separating from her husband and hearing the fatigue, depression and sadness in her voice triggered this question:

How do you know when it is time to let go of a decaying relationship? The word “decaying” may give you a clue.  If you are miserable, exhausted and disenchanted with your relationship, chances are you are making a decision from a place of anger or fear.

Leaving a relationship is never easy, but if you do it with FEAR or ANGER being your motivator, you are setting yourself up to repeat your pattern with a new partner. continue