Archive for July, 2009

This entry is from the material of Rori Raye, a fellow Relationship Expert who rocks my world with her in your face, result gathering exercises.  I have her Modern Siren Program and listen to it over and over again.  I know you will enjoy her!

The Vampire Scream by Rori Raye

Have you ever felt so angry and frustrated you wanted to lash out at a man — but then held it all in and watched helplessly as your anger either ended up exploding all over him, or making YOU feel terrible?

I know exactly what that feels like, because my own instincts and all the training I got from girlhood always tell me to stuff my upsetting feelings down.

And when we stuff our feelings down — we end up pushing a man away. We’re taught to do it anyway, to “protect” him, or appear “cool” and “put together” and we’re told to — at all costs — HIDE our insecurities and “unpleasant” feelings.

And yet – our anger at him comes out anyway. We get cold, we get and look unhappy — and most important — we radiate DISAPPOINTMENT in him. And when a man feels he’s disappointed us — he’ll instinctively withdraw.

Nothing we could say to him to convince him we’re not disappointed feels like a lie to him. It doesn’t work.

When I discovered that the secret to bringing a man close is in my own emotions and my ability to feel them and express them in a way he can HEAR — a way that feels GOOD to him and good to me – my love life turned around completely.

So, here’s a new tool I made up working with a client this week that will help you enjoy — yes! — your anger. And I love doing it myself, so we’ll be doing this together today – THE VAMPIRE SCREAM!

If you’re feeling anxious, or tense, or angry or frustrated, or disturbed in any way, try these steps:

1. Notice that what you’re feeling is anxiety.

This could feel like jumpiness, tension in your body, nervousness, fear of something, worry, a sense of unease.

2. Know that this feeling — this tension, this anxiety is like the “lid” on your emotional “Soup.”

And this lid is getting shaky. It’s starting to rattle. The steam is coming out. The gremlins and awful feelings are starting to rise to the surface and that is terrifying. More terrifying than the emotions that are trying to come to the surface!

3. Drop into the Soup.

Just imagine in your mind that this anxiety and tension is somewhere up around your throat and in your head up high in your body. And imagine dropping all of your awareness, and sensations, and this anxious feeling down into your body as low as you can go down into your pelvis, down into your vagina, down into your lowest “chakra.”

4. Turn your attention to what you’re feeling in this lowest part of your body.

It might seem like a mish-mash, or you might even feel numb or blank, but see if you can identify one of the feelings in the Soup — like anger, or grief. Something really powerful.

Let’s say you’ve identified that you feel anger. Now…

5. Really tune into this feeling — this anger.

Imagine what it is you like to do with that feeling. Do you want to hit something or someone? Do you want to hurt something or someone? Is it your situation you’re angry with? Is it a person?

Is it your man?

It doesn’t matter. This tool is all about a”scream,” so let’s go for that.

6. Let’s get ready to scream.

First let’s prepare. Imagine what it would feel like to let go of a scream that would be huge enough to knock down the whole world. Notice what your hands are doing. Are they preparing to move?  Imagine what that might feel like coming out of your body. Imagine it coming from the deepest part of you and just overtaking your body and coming out of your body with so much force that everyone on the planet would hear it and know exactly how you feel.

7. Now let’s scream — do it this way:

We’re not going to make a loud sound. We’re not going to actually scream. We’re going to do what I call the “Vampire Scream.” Open your mouth. Drop your jaw all the way down to hold your mouth open as you far as you can.  Now imagine a sound and a feeling and a force is crawling up and coming up from the very lowest part of your pelvis.

Now start breathing OUT.  Put your arms out in front of you and let them do whatever they want to do.  Say — “Ahhh……”  Let that “Ahhhh…” out as you exhale and allow it to come from deeper and deeper inside yourself as you run out of air. Let your hands and fingers move in the air in front of you.

Use every last ounce of breath and energy you have.  And when you’re done, when you’ve squeezed out every last bit of the”Ahhhh…” then just relax. Let your arms come down when they are ready. Feel free to try this a few times in a row.

What we’ve done here is slid right past your anxiety and into all the terrifying feelings that you’re used to feeling afraid to feel. And now that you’ve felt them, you don’t have to be afraid of them anymore!

Once you’ve touched the Soup — especially a feeling in there that you don’t like — you’re more able to touch all your OTHER feelings.

Once you’ve touched your rage, it’s much easier to touch your bliss.

“My partner’s bad mood is NOT in my mind!  He is grouchy and mean spirited sometimes and I am SURE I am not attracting that behavior.  I am not grouchy and mean spirited.  How can the Law of Attraction be working when he is so melancholy all of the time and I am not?”

What a great question.  Being in the same environment with another person on a day in and day out basis means we have to adjust to what is going on around us all the time.  When our housemate is not faring well emotionally, some of us go into hyper rescue mode.  We want to remove the bad mood from OUR surroundings so we start trying to help by saying and doing things we think are encouraging.

Have you ever noticed how that always seems to make things worse? The suffering person does not want to be cheered up and the result is sheer frustration.  Is it our responsibility to cheer up the wallowing one?  More importantly, is there something in us that actually attracts more of the depression we are seeing in our partner?

I don’t claim to understand all of this.  Sharing a home with a soul mate ,can often be blissful and fulfilling and I am grateful for those moments, but what do we do when one of the pair is decidedly out of sorts?  Here are five tips for coping with your overwhelmed and discouraged house mate without losing your emotional well-being:

1.  Acknowledge that his angst is his angst. Tell yourself the facts as you see them.  Your boyfriend is going through a challenge.  He can’t see the way out.  He is not a reader and doesn’t seek help in books. (I know, hard to believe but true.)  He is picking at you and that is not cool.  These are all good observations and will help you make a plan. It is hard to see him with loving eyes if he is having a pity party, especially if he really wants you in there with him.

2. Check in with yourself and notice what you are feeling. Once again, tell yourself what you are noticing.  “I don’t like when he is like this.  I feel disconnected and out of the loop.  I feel alone and sad.  I can’t cheer him up and he gets annoyed when I try.  I feel yucky.” Be as honest and descriptive as you can about your own feelings

3. Ask yourself how you WANT to feel. “I want to feel separate from his problems.  I want to feel happy and perky.  I want to feel light-hearted.  I want to feel hopeful and full of expectation.  I want to feel encouraged and vibrant.”  Just writing down how you want to feel is super empowering.  How many of us skip this critical step and then wonder how the whole day goes by with little productivity.

4. Choose your point of focus for YOUR mood of the day. Yes, your partner is struggling and it is excruciating at times to see the emotional turmoil he is going through.  Believe it or not, the best thing you can do is to lift your own spirits.  Once you write down how you want to feel, you will give your Inner Being the marching orders it loves to fulfill.  Your focus on YOUR well-being will change the dynamic in your home….subtley at first but with persistance, the entire mood of your home will shift.

5. Shine your light in his direction. Use your imagination to shower your man with love and light as often as you can.  Being an invisible benefactor and fueling him with your highest intentions for his well being is a precious gift.  He lets himself be known by you more deeply than any one else and your respect for his transparency will yield results.  Sometimes your brightest light toward him will come when you are not with him. Go out and have some fun yourself. Go somewhere he isn’t into and focus on you and your well-being. When you come home, you will be refreshed and energized.

I know it feels unfair at times to just let the grouchy energy be with itself.  After all, it is your home too, why do you have to put up with it? See, I can hear you all the way over here.  The key is to realize that your reading of another person’s mood is a good thing.  It reminds you of how you DON’T want to feel!  Don’t try to fix him, make a choice to do something that uplifts YOU.  When you get in the habit of responding in this way, you show by example how simple choices can radically change perspective on an issue.  And as always, we teach more by our behavior than we do with our words.

He reached over and gently pulled her to his chest. One hand on the side of her head, the other around her waist.  “I love you,” he whispers into her ear.  “I love you.  How can I help you?  What can I do?”   She snuggled up into his neck as he bent down slightly so she could get close.

“This is it,”  She said. “This is it.  Hold me like this for just a little longer.  Let me settle into you for a minute.  Let me feel your arms, the weight of your arms, resting on me.  I love how I feel when you and I have these moments.  I feel loved and I feel like I want this more often.”

“Is there anything else you want me to know,” he said gently, one finger absent mindedly running itself through her hair and down her cheek.  “Yes,” She said, “I appreciate you. I feel lucky that we are with each other.  We have seen a challenge or two and we are doing ok.”  He tightened his grip and held her even more protectively.  “No matter what, we are going to be fine.” He whispered.  “No matter what.”

********************

Do you long for that kind of connection with your man? Were you drawn into the scene so deeply that you felt something in your belly tighten or upper chest start to ache? Tightness in the gut, an achy upper chest, pressure in the throat, these are all signs of a dip in personal magnetism.  The distress you feel physically is your signal that you are out of balance somewhere in your romantic life.
If it seems like the situation is pointing to the lack of a partner or the lack of lovingness  from a partner is the cause of the discomfort, look again. The fact is that if your magnetism is low, you stop attracting all kinds of positivity into our experience and it is easy to fall into despair.

So what can you do if you notice the pressure, tingling or warmth in your body?  Here are three ways to instantly move you out of the frame of mind so your body can naturally release the discomfort.  Every time you feel the relief from these body feelings, your personal magnetism goes up. Law of Attraction promises that you then attract all the loving treatment you are dreaming of.

1.    Go outside.  I know, so simple it is ridiculous.  Going outside and doing some stretches or better, taking a walk is the fastest most natural way to life your spirits.  Just ten minutes makes a world of difference.

2.    Call a friend. Tell your friend that you are a little blue and you wanted to cheer up so you called them.  Resist the temptation to vent for a minute and ask a couple of questions and see what is going on for them.  You will notice that you feel better right away when you engage in caring about some one else. Then reframe your experience with your friend.  Be real about your feelings but don’t dwell on them.  Get her support and then move on to another topic.

3.    Soak in the tub. Run a fragrant bath and soak.  Daydream as you relax.  If feelings continue to come forth, just lay your hand on your body and breathe, breathe, breathe.

Your body is doing its best to help you get over the disappointments that are muffling your natural personal magnetism. When you respond to your body in ever more conscious ways, you are well on your way to being IRRESISTIBLE!

Wonder how strong your Love Vibe is?  http://TakeTheSoulMateQuiz.com and get your score instantly!