It is completely absurd to simply be aware of our differences in order to be tolerant of them. What should we be tolerant of – the differences, or the partner? They’re indistinguishable in this context. Therefore, you could read the same statement as, “Once we’re aware of our partner’s differences, we can then tolerate our partner,” and that can last only so long before exploding. Allow me to explain…

Tolerance in general is tantamount to sealing down the lid of a boiling pot of water and hoping the pressure never causes an explosion. That is no way to live. It’s more important to be focused on why those differences trigger a response “within” us so we can take steps to “move ourselves off of the stove.” That’s really where the offense takes place – in the heart – NOT in the partner’s uniqueness.

It may seem like your partner isn’t stressing as much or seems apathetic toward a particular circumstance, but if you value your relationship, you must trust that your partner “has your back,” even though his/her reaction to the situation may seem negligible.

That is why, within your heart, you must establish an acceptable baseline response from your partner, and when that’s met, honor it in your heart, and let your heart not be troubled anymore by that emotional response.

Appreciation is the key. When we appreciate our partner for what they are doing, putting in a full day, coming home on time, sharing dinner with the family, helping fold the laundry, spending quality time with the kids….. They will do it more.
Keep up the great work!