Archive for October, 2008

Last Monday, I was at Social Media Simplified where I learned about how social media can be used for business. Mari Smith, Deb Micek, Simon Leung, Denise Wakeman (1/2 the Blog Squad), Nancy Marmolejo, and host Linda P. Taylor blew us away with the statistics on how Facebook, blogging and Twitter are radically changing the entrepreneurial environment of the world. Practical, easy tips for things you can do today to start maximizing your social media connections.

I loved every minute soaking up the info like a sponge. It wasn’t until I got home, though, that I realized Twitter could be a fun tool for building a romantic relationship as well.

For all of you who are saying, “What in the world is Twitter?”, I can relate. I began hearing about Twitter last summer and joined in August. Twitter leads the way in the world of micro blogging. Micro because you can only use 140 characters in any one message. Blog because you are communicating to the internet world with your thoughts and ideas.

Once you join, you pick a handle (remember Rubber Ducky from the trucker and cb days?) and you are good to go, mine is CaptainCat. Ask your friends to join and the fun begins. I love creating conversations with the 140 character limit. It’s a great game!

Deb Micek (CoachDeb at Tribal Seduction) revamped my view of Twitter and the tweets (that is what the messages are called) and I began to see that the Twitter mentality might just be a great tool build some nice buzz in the beehive, if you know what I mean.

Here are Five Ways to Use Twitter To Jazz Up Your Love Life!

1. Invest Your Emotional Self. Consciously enjoy your relationships on Twitter. I love to tweet (create the messages). Similar to crossword puzzles and other word games, Twitter engages your creativity, your imagination and your communication skills. Allow yourself to feel the satisfaction of connection. Your man may not engage with you in this same way and that is ok. You can feel connected to others and fill your emotional tank.

2. Invite him to join. Your man may roll his eyes at your internet fun, but if you put your mind to it, you can find a way to invite his participation. You may be his only friend for awhile and he may want to DM (direct message) you only, but if you sell it to him as a word game, tell him it is easier than instant messaging and that you will send him some cute and maybe even naughty messages, he may just give it a try.

3. Be Patient. If he declines your first invitation, don’t despair. You keep having fun on Twitter, however, and listen up here…this is critical, stop tweeting when you and he are at the dinner table, taking a walk or being together in any way. You will communicate boatloads to him when he sees you turn off your phone or computer and really “Be” with him.

4. Introduce Him To The Fun Of Tweets. Create some tweets and put them on post it notes and put them around the house where your man can see them. If you like using abbreviations, use them but let him know what they mean. LOL (laughing out loud) We fall into the lingo so easily, we forget others don’t know what it is all about. Your man will appreciate getting up to speed with Twitterese and he won’t feel out of place.

5. Every Day Tweet Mentality: Ladies, it is amazing how much can be said in a 140 character statement. Try having a Twitter mentality when you are speaking to your man. How briefly can you say what you need to say and yet still be understood. Men have such a hard time with the verbal flood that comes out of our mouths, bless them. Do him and yourself a favor and tweet to you man. Keep it short and simple. He will love you for it!

If you are a beginner in the world of social media and even if you are a veteran, I strongly recommend you get yourself a copy of the Social Media Simplified DVD series. I would have saved myself hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars has I known how to use social media like Facebook and Twitter strategically in my business. Linda has a special deal going so don’t waste another minute, order your copy today.

One other cool thing is that a part of the purchase price goes to support the Ventura Technical Development Center. Talk about a win-win-win!

I AM.

What am I, not how am I but what am I? And what in the world does that have to do with attracting love?

I am ____________. It is awfully easy to fill that sentence with negatives. Why is it so much easier to think of the stuff we don’t like about ourselves instead of what we DO like?

Think of the blank at the end of the sentence, “I am___________.” as a sort of energetic container. Wouldn’t it be wild if this sentence contained the power our mind then uses to replicate whatever is placed inside? That being said, how do these feel?

I am fat.

I am poor.

I am broke.

I am worried.

I am getting old.

I am never going to get anywhere.

I am a failure.

I am helpless.

Yikes!  Need I go on?

Wouldn’t it behoove us to fill that container very mindfully?

I am________.

Even though it would be awkward and artificial to start saying things like:

I am ok exactly how I am.

I am making progress.

I am better off than I was last year.

I am continually learning and growing in understanding.

I am calm more often.

I am trusting my inner guidance more and more.

I am seeing more and more of those amazing coincidences called synchronicities.

I am learning to hear from my heart.

I am tuning into my intuition regularly.

I know that my intuition always gives me words to work with if I just ask. I write…”I am”…with the intention of thinking of things that I can write that are optimistic and, most importantly, true.

Moving from there, I can put together some optimal thoughts:

I am strong.

I am healthy.

I am prosperous in all ways.

I am wealthy.

I am beautifully clothed and housed.

I am loved.

I am love.

I am peace.

I am happy.

I AM happy.

As you read through the optimal list, if you have any reaction at all, just notice it. Where are you feeling it in your body? Your throat? Upper chest? Stomach? Take a couple of deep breaths while you lay your hand on the part of body where you feel pressure or heat. The most likely candidates are your throat, your belly, your head or your chest.

Something in these thoughts is setting off an alarm bell. Your mind is saying, “Oh no, can’t go there. This feels fake.” Your body is responding because there are actual biochemicals running through your system causing a physical reaction. I never knew this until very recently and this really is a key.

This rush of inner energy frequently carries with it forgotten hurts from experiences from years ago. Because there are chemical reactions that go along with emotions, I can be more compassionate with myself knowing that I really can’t help getting upset. It is my body’s way of processing past emotional pain.

When you notice this kind of reaction while you are doing any manifesting exercise, stop and follow these steps:

1. Take a deep breath and see how intensely you are reacting.

2. Rate it from 1 to 10 with one being low. Just admit to yourself that you are struggling a little right now.

3. Begin to calmly say these I AMs or any that come into your awareness.

I am starting now.

I am lots of good things and I am going to start telling myself so.

I am ok right where I am.

I am learning more about myself all the time, and I love that about myself!

I am catching myself more often when my thoughts are going in the wrong direction.

I am proud of myself.

I am feeling deep love and appreciation for myself.

I am resilient.

I am a tough cookie.

I am very experienced in the school of life. I am choosing to see that anything is possible.

Take a deep breath. And another.

Now check and see if the intensity has changed.

Remember, anytime you make an affirmation that just doesn’t feel good, it is an engraved invitation to find and reclaim your creative energy locked away in that forgotten hurt.

Every time you choose your I ams, whether you feel anything or not, you strengthen your connection to your intuition.

The stronger your intuition, the better your decisions. The decisions you make direct your course.

That is where I am most surely guided.

You will be too.

“I can’t stop thinking about him.”

“I want to move on but he is in my mind night and day.”

“Maybe he is the one and I should wait until he changes his mind.”

“I hate him.”

“I love him.”

Who of us doesn’t relate to this line of thinking?

Why is it so excruciating to move on after a relationship ends? Often there is no immediately apparent rationale for the ending of a relationship but even if there was, the need to detach from a former love and to move on with your life is inescapable.

In my case, a whirlwind romance with a highly attractive man caused me to morph into a mindless I-must-have-him machine. I thought about him incessantly and while he showed great interest in me at first….special emphasis on ‘at first’, my constant emails and text messages began to take their toll.

I watched my phone, checked to make sure it was on, cherished the messages he left me, printed the late night Instant Messages, rearranged my life to suit his schedule….I know I don’t need to go on! The fiery chemistry that happened in the beginning started to fizzle out after 2 or 3 months. Then, he disappeared. Gone.

The first couple of weeks, I held out hope that he would miss me so desperately that he would call, beg forgiveness and sweep me off my feet again.

Two more weeks and I was ready to be done with him but I kept wondering what I had done wrong. Wasn’t it real? The chemistry was real, that’s for sure. Miserable, I limped through my days unable to keep my mind off of him.

By then I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and set out to change my mindset. The techniques I used have now become a tried and true system for saying goodbye to that ghost lover (my term for the man who left and the dream of what might have developed with him). follow these steps and you will get yourself back into the driver’s seat. Good Luck! I know you can do this!!

Key #1 Face The Facts

Ok, this is no fun, but facing the fact that you are hooked on this guy is the first and most essential step. Yes, you feel foolish. No, you don’t want to give up on him. But how are you feeling? Empowered? Strong? Probably not. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I do love him. He doesn’t want to be with me right now. This really hurts and I hate it! I want to learn to let him go. I want to think about what I want to think about and not about him. I’m worth it.” If you tell yourself these facts (you can use mine if you can’t think of your own) every day for a week, you will empower yourself for the next steps.

Key #2 Embrace Your Self

That was then and this is now. Face it, you aren’t the only woman to have experienced this heart ache. Be gentle with yourself. You are doing the best you can. As you look back to the beginnings of this relationship, let yourself remember how good it felt. If he wasn’t the one, those same good feelings are out there for you with a new guy. Embracing the you that fell for him rather than criticizing yourself for what you perceive as an error in judgment will build your sense of self esteem and equip you for the next step.

Key #3 The Him or Better Box

Now is when this gets fun. Each thought that you think about him has emotional energy attached to it. Some is positive, some is negative. The energy used to think these thoughts uses creative energy you could be investing in other parts of your life….your art, your career, your friendships, etc.

There is a way to reclaim and reassign this energy and your imagination is the gateway. We are going to create an imaginary “Him or Better Box”. It is best to name the box specifically, so use the name of your Ex instead of Him. Close your eyes and imagine a box about the size of a recipe file.

It may show up in color, if not, make it any color you please. Allow your imagination to decorate it with any ribbons, jewels or symbols that might appear. If yours is a plain white box…that is ok, too. There is no right or wrong. Your goal is to ‘capture’ the thoughts about him and to place them in the box.

The reason we call it a “Mr. Ex or Better Box” is so that if he does come back, you are banking all of this energy toward reconnecting with him then. (Use your ex’s name) After all, he is not in your life right now anyway so why waste time and energy thinking about him now. The ‘or Better’ just says to the Universe and to you that you are banking on the new love in your life and that you are stockpiling the emotional energy around the thoughts to that potential.

Key #4 Capturing Those Pesky Thoughts.

Learning to capture and control your thoughts serves a dual purpose. One, you have highly tangible evidence that that you can direct your own thinking. Two, you immediately reclaim the energy for your own life and are free to assign it to where you want it to go.

It may seem daunting to control your thoughts about him…believe me I have been there! That is why it is good to start slow and practice. The moment you are aware that you are thinking about him, stop, acknowledge the thought for a moment, then in your minds eye, place a bubble around it and put it into your box.

At first, you may only get three thoughts a day into the box but hang in there. This stuff really works. Remember…it is a Mr. Ex or Better Box…it begins to feel really good to bank these thoughts for what’s ahead and you are prepared whether he comes back or not! If this is difficult for you to imagine, get a real box and some small pieces of paper. Name your box and then write out the thought you are having and place it in the box. Either way, this technique is guaranteed.

The first week you will be amazed at how many thoughts go into the box. By the third week, you will notice a difference in the frequency of the thoughts and also by the change in your mood and perspective. You will be feeling much better at this point and ready for the final step.

Key#5 Writing the New Script

Now you are feeling stronger and more in control. You are more balanced emotionally and have some degree of objectivity. Now, get a piece of paper and write out five to ten things about your previous relationship that were not working for you on the left side of the paper, the more ideas you can come up with, the better. For example:

He didn’t like to see movies.

He wasn’t as affectionate as I wanted.

He didn’t call when he said he would.

He hated to dance.

On the right side of the paper, create a list of the attributes of your ideal partner based on what it was about the ghost lover that disappointed you. For Example:

He didn’t like to see movies becomes He loves to see films of all types at least once a week.

He wasn’t as affectionate as I wanted becomes He holds my hand where ever we go and hugs me frequently.

He didn’t call when he said he would becomes He is very responsible and calls when he says he will.

You get the idea. Now, go back over the list and cross out each of the items on the left with gusto. By time you follow through with the fifth key, you are well on your way to leaving your former love behind. Yes, you will still think of him occasionally and yes it will still hurt. However, reviewing these lists will confirm to you the benefit of moving on.

As your thoughts about him get less and less frequent you will not only feel better, you will be amazed at how much energy you have to invest in the rest of your life. You will get more done and experience more joy than you have in months.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you would then meet Mr. Right and never have to detach again? Ha! As you continue to enter into future casual and intimate relationships, there will always be challenges to keeping your thoughts under control but…and this is a big but (bigger than him!) each time you go through these 5 Keys, it will get easier and easier for you to see clearly what it is you do and don’t want in a partner.

No one knows what is best for you than you do. Learning to hear from and trust your own intuition will light the way for your future.

Curious about your own Love Vibe?  http://TakeTheSoulMateQuiz.com and check it out.

Not even now.

Yes, I have found a man who is more that I ever hoped for and yes, I am ridiculously happy these days but truth be told, I live very carefully most of the time. The age old thought habit driving the need to be perfect is a tough one to overcome.

I am challenged this day to examine that position. Do I really believe that no one is trustworthy? Where did that belief come from. Hmmmm. Yes, there have been a few disappointments along the way. And yes, a few people I thought were solid as the rock of Gibraltar had feet of clay but in their humanity, weren’t their errors in judgment right in line with who they were at the moment?

I have had my share of disappointments with people and with life in general but looking back, I have to admit that even the worse of scenarios all worked themselves out in time.

I wonder what trust looks like. I wonder if I can learn to perceive it differently. If I allow that my past experiences were simply the playing out of various circumstances as they happened and that life did not have an agenda to harm me, perhaps I can reconsider my former beliefs.

What if I could trust that life itself has a natural tendency to balance out over time. That even the toughest of times end up fading away and dissipating in the fogginess of memory and maturity.

What if trust is simply allowing life to be, a process of incredible diversity and synchronicity?

What if we are to trust the unfolding of time and not the people populating that time?

If we are all in the same boat….trying to make the best of the circumstances surrounding us, maybe trusting the natural progression of events is the only kind of trust that matters. It is nice to think that a human being, especially a dearly loved one, will not error and hurt us but alas, we all hurt someone we love eventually, no matter how hard we try to be perfect partners.

If I learn to trust the natural unfolding of events, I see that surprising things always appear when things look the darkest. Trusting the process of life rather than the people in life feels safer to me. After all, I am still here to write about it. I haven’t met the insurmountable problem or person yet.

Maybe life is trustworthy in an of itself.

Hmmm…..

xoxoxo

Can you relate?  Would you like to use EFT to attract YOUR soul mate?  Now is the perfect chance to experience the magic…for less than a dinner and a movie!  For only $47 you can listen in and tap along with me monthly in group coaching calls.  Members also have access to my text classroom where I hang out weekly answering questions and leading text tapping.  Want to check it out?  SoulMateSuccessCircle

In Bolzano Italy, there is a museum that houses the remains and belongings of an ancient man called affectionately by the Italians, “Frozen Fritz.” Seriously, this Ice Man was discovered in 1991 by some hikers in the Austrian/Italian Alps.

The authorities thought that the man was from the last century at first, but further study shocked everyone. He was from the copper age…..3000 years before Christ. The museum displays all of his clothing and tools, well preserved in ice all of this time. They were even able to discern what his last meal was by evaluating the contents of his stomach.

His body is displayed through a tiny window where you can see tiny tattoo marks that correspond with meridians where acupuncture or other healing methods might have been done. It was awe inspiring to see how intricately his clothing and tools were constructed.

As I walked through and imagined what his life must have been like, I couldn’t help but be moved by the brilliance and creativity that his people had, to live comfortably in the extreme conditions present at that time.

I couldn’t help but reflect on the problems and issues facing me in my relationship landscape and how I can get discouraged when I feel stuck or that I have made a mistake. Beating myself up inside with thoughts like “I can’t believe I said that, what an idiot.” “I should know better.” “Why can’t I feel more connected to my man?” “I hate when he withdraws from me.” Blah, Blah, Blah!

My internal landscape can be as frigid and uninhabitable as the Alps were for the Ice Man if I let it. Maybe I can borrow from his resilience and perseverance to warm myself up. I wonder if he took time to whine and complain. Somehow, I think he probably had his discouraging moments as he painstakingly braided plant fibers together so he could make twine to tie his bow together. His fingers were probably aching with cold as he poked the strips of sinew through tiny holes in the animal hide he made into his coat. I wonder if he wanted to quit.

Equipping myself for the inner landscape of relationship disappointments is at least room temperature. At least I have electricity and running water, for pete’s sake! So I have some communication issues from time to time. Yes, I am misunderstood and I still react with hurt feelings more often than I care to admit. But seeing the Ice Man really changed my perspective. 5000 years BEFORE Christ. This was no caveman. How did he figure out what to do?

How can I figure out what to do? It is the same for me as it was for Frozen Fritz, true guidance comes from the depths of our spirit. When deeply challenged, amazing creativity and strength is birthed, every time. You have heard of a man lifting a car off of a wounded child. Wouldn’t it be nice if we learned to tap into that “superhuman” part of us at will.

I believe that we can and the first amazing exploration is in our inner landscape. Do you feel yourself pouting, playing the martyr or withdrawing into silence after a conflict with your man? There you have it, an inner blizzard threatening to freeze you in time. Don’t let that happen! Recognize the familiarity of this frozen landscape and warm it up with some chipping away of old thought patterns.

Saying something like this will help you navigate to higher ground:

Even though he never understands me, I understand me and I am learning how to think differently.

Even though he doesn’t listen to me, I choose to find a different way to approach him.

Even though he hurt my feelings, I choose to look inside to see why it hurts and to do something about it.

Even though I don’t feel loved, I choose to see that is just a thought and a thought can be changed.

You can find what you need to navigate your inner relationship landscape, within you lies the creativity to find a solution to what ails you. Keep looking inside for the wisdom that waits for you. The same brilliance that led the Ice Man to solve the problems of living in a very hostile environment is available to you today.

If he made a way for himself, bless his heart, so can you!!