I am taking some time off to explore the experience of losing my mom. While I am away, I thought I’d share with you my top posts of all time. Whether you have read this particular post or not, I think you will find the content practical and helpful. I am excited to share it with you again! Thanks for sending love and light to me and my seven brothers during this pivotal time.
Is that normal? Can you be hot for a guy with no nookie in sight?
When Genevieve, a Rapunzel, was younger, she had a long string of intimate relationships. She didn’t see it as love sabotage. Sex was a natural part of her dating life. It started when she was 15. Sex became no big deal. Now at 43 and struggling to define love differently, she isn’t sure what is normal.
“I think I am really in love. He makes me feel amazing. Every time we are together, I want to be with him more and more. We laugh and laugh together. We sleep in the same bed with our clothes on. But I don’t WANT to have sex with him. Isn’t that weird????”
She was talking really fast and I could feel her excitement. “Last night we had a long talk about sex, about what we like and don’t like, fantasies and stuff like that. Then he asked me if I wanted to have sex.”
“I burst out laughing and said no, I’m not ready and I wasn’t afraid to tell him.”
Then she collapsed in a fit of giggling. “ME!!” She howled, “Me turning down sex!!”
“Are you attracted to him?” I asked.
“That’s the crazy thing,” she said, “He is so handsome! I can’t stop thinking about him and I want to be with him all the time.”
Genevieve’s delight is so tangible, I replay her story over and over in my mind. In a way, when you befriend your saboteur, it is as if your sweet fourteen year old self, the one that was so terribly hurt and disappointed in love all those years ago, is being given a second chance.
I remember Ruby, a Chinese Rapunzel with limited English skills. Coaching her was a challenge as I broke down the steps of breakup recovery into words she could understand. Ruby had met a man on Match.com and after 4 months of happiness, found out he was married.
She knew he lived in a different state. She accepted that he was only in her town for business every couple of weeks. She also was completely blindsided when she found out he was married. As she told me her story, here is a key point:
“In my country, you fall in love first and then you have sex. In your country, you have sex first and then fall in love. I don’t understand.”
No, I said to Ruby, you have it right! You SHOULD be in love before you have sex. Your people have it right. Not because it is morally right or wrong, that is not what this is about. The reason to love first is about hearing from your inner senses, feeling your way along so you know exactly who to sleep with when you do.
Genevieve had slept with so many men, her inner guidance was disconnected. In true Rapunzel fashion, she careened from relationship to relationship having great sex but never connecting with the men in a meaningful way.
Now, with this new man, everything is different. He thrills her. She loves him and she is in no hurry to have sex. Is it normal? Yep, it is for Genevieve. As I ask her every time we speak, how does this feel to you? On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you when you are with him? How happy are you just thinking about him?
As long as you feel your way through opening up to a man and keep yourself feeling high on your scale of happiness, you cannot go wrong. I promise.
What you can’t possibly know when you are a young, is how impossibly delicious the time is before you have sex with someone you adore. It is a time that cannot be restored. Making it last as long as possible is your goal!
So what do you do? Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!! I have been married for 5 years now and I still go back to that time to refuel my appreciation for my Larry. I was living about 45 minutes away from him and we were falling in love quickly. I remember watching out the window for his car. I remember seeing it turn down the street.
My heart started to pound. I was so excited he was coming. I made myself wait for a few moments before I answered the door bell even though I wanted to run out and meet him in the parking lot.
He smelled really good and l remember how the fabric of his yellow turtle neck felt under my fingers. We were laying on the couch together looking into each others eyes. The edge between risk of falling in love again and the undeniable physical chemistry drove our enchantment with one another.
I am so happy we had that time. Just like Genevieve and Ruby, I lost a lot of innocence when I was young. Love was twisted and painful in the players on the stage of my life. Blah, blah, blah…who of us doesn’t have drama in the past.
Now, when I see the parts of my husband that are cross and anxious and I dodge for cover, I don’t freak out anymore. I go back to that day in early autumn of 2004 and imagine myself running my hand up Larry’s chest, feeling the softness of his beautiful yellow turtleneck and every single time, I get a flood of the same feelings I had on that day and I love him like that all over again.
So, darling Genevieve, you are learning a new normal for yourself, and you are doing just fine! You are open and curious about your man and all of the loving feelings you are feeling for him are like bread crumbs leading you home.
Love Sabotage will not betray you. If after 4 months, you are not feeling it for him, you will know clearly and you will be able to move on.
What you can count on is this. If this man is not your forever man, he is SO close that when the right one does find you, it will be even better. I promise.
Need more Soul Mate Attraction Tools? Browse in the Soul Mate Attraction Store for help.
I have noticed that “The List” is a controversial issue among my students. Some believe in the power of the list and swear by it and others have written so many lists and tossed them out that they are fed up with the idea.
I had a list when I started to date after my divorce and yes, Larry has many of the aspects I put on my list. It tickled me that his golf handicap is under 10 (3) and that he enjoys drinking coffee in book stores and coffee shops. Those little details were like Hershey’s Kisses from the Universe.
Also on my list was kindness, generosity, humor and affectionate. Yes, yes and yes. Other list details were not true of Lar and you know what, I don’t care. What was true for me was that I wasn’t striving to find a soul mate when I wrote the list. I wanted to meet a man who was different than my ex but I wasn’t looking for a partner when I wrote it.
In the Soul Mate Secret, Arielle Ford’s chapter on writing THE LIST is very practical and I highly recommend you re-read it. In fact, I am using that very chapter to set up an virtual Blue Moon Soul Mate Manifesting Ceremony for tonight.
The Blue Moon is on Friday August 31, but you can tune into the energy on the day after. Actually, Arielle reminds us that Friday is dedicated to the Planet Venus which represents the energy of Love. Doing the ceremony on Friday will ramp up your love vibe .
Here is how to be part of the ceremony and remember, there is huge power in numbers. The more of you who participate in the ceremony the stronger the impact for all!
1. Read this list of attributes and choose the ones that are really important to you. These traits and attributes are from Arielle’s book:
Spiritually Open (or name your
religion or belief system)
Sense of Humor
Enjoys _____(your dogs,
eats, travel, etc.)
2. Choose a beautiful piece of stationary and write out your list in an affirmative form like Arielle’s example on Page 107:
I, Leslie Ann Leeds*, give thanks to God, Goddess or All That Is for my beloved soulmate. I am grateful he is single, straight, and available for a healthy, loving, committed, life-long relationship. He lives within 50 miles of San Diego, California or is willing to move here. He is an intelligent, loving and honest man who is emotionally and physically healthy. He is and extremely kind, sweet, fun, secure, attractive man with whom I have great sexual chemistry.
He is successful, abundant, giving and easy going and practices gratitude on a daily basis. He is a great communicator and we have a happy and comfortable life together. As I savor the waiting for his impending arrival, I relax in the peace and comfort that we will soon be together. And so it is.
3. Prepare to burn your list and offer your heartfelt desires to the Universe’s timing and delivery. Use a metal bowl and be safe. Watch as your list burns and see it as supernatural GPS. You are registering your desire into the heavenlies and making a way for your man to find you.
4. Release your ashes into a body of water or bury them in your garden to complete the ceremony. At this point, thank the Universe for all of the other soul mate manifesters that are doing the same thing for this full moon. Be thrilled for all of us as we become more magnetic to love!
5. Start a list of the gifts and other pieces of evidence that will be coming your way. People will offer to buy meals for you, you will receive coupons in the mail, or you may find money in a forgotten pocket. The Universe is always giving…are you noticing?
Arielle swears by the list and the treasure map. She recently celebrated her 13th anniversary and she was a first time bride at 44. Following her steps has resulted in hundreds of marriages. Join us this weekend as we use the powerful energy of the full moon to release your dreams for love into the abundance of the Universe.
Curious about Soul Mate Manifesting? Check out The Soul Mate Secret Attraction Self Directed Manifestation Course right here: Soul Mate Secret and LOA